*L'kabbalah l'emet ul'kehilla: For LGBT acceptance, truth and community with a Jewish flare*

31 December 2008

Memories of 2008 (4)

July was a good month economically for me but was a tough one emotionally. I had met a few guys but weren't really compatible with them. The main focus that I had tried to avoid was Ivan for so many reasons. One, I wanted to remain single, two, he didn't no what gender he wanted and three, it was too soon after Dax anyways. But somehow or another, I spun the web again. We spent the 4th together even tho it was too foggy to see any fireworks, we only just sat and listened to them. I met his grandfather by accident that night and throughout the month, spent my time and energy on him. He told me toward the end of the month that he was talking to this girl, but wouldn't make a solid decision between me or her until he came back from his trip to ATL next month. So I buckled down and did what any emotionally driven gay man would do, tried to prove my worth was better than....hers. The very last weekend, I went camping in Bodega Bay with my good friends and got a spiritual uplift that I needed for so long. Right then I made the decision to take Ivan camping. When I pitched the idea, he was game.

So in August, I made the plans to go with Ivan to Lake Tahoe for a weekend of camping at the end of the month after he returned from ATL. I had this feeling that I was going to lose this subconscious battle but at this point I just didn't care anymore. I had started my YouTube show this month and my blog site was doing well. This month was also the month of the Black Gay Film festival and where I met my good friends, Maurice Jamal and Kenny G. It was this weekend, and incidentally at the dinner we all attended, that I got the epiphany that whatever happens between me and Ivan was meant to be and that I was not to get upset about it. As soon as I realized that, I knew he was going to pick...her. Sure'nuf, Monday rolled around and he came back from his ATL trip scared to talk to me. Once I got him to break the ice, he confessed that he wanted a 'family' and that he couldn't get that from me (I sent this email to Kenny and Keith cuz I needed help, badly). I smiled and said I understood, even though my insides were raging and wanting to whoop some ass. He asked were we still going camping and I said yes. Camping was a fuck fest in itself and I thought, yes sure you want her but you here with me. And it was THAT mindset I got stuck in for the next few months and would ultimately be the demise of our friendship.

September....

30 December 2008

B-TV #2

Journey through the holiday week with D. Mos Fabolous One starting with Christmas Brunch and ending with a Kwanzaa Celebration.

Memories of 2008 (3)

April showers are supposed to bring May flowers, however in California, it doesn't rain in April so don't expect no flowers in May. The fifth month in the year was just the beginning of the hike, and it was a steep hike to do. I was kicked out of my former place but two days before my final day, I found a place in Emerville with a Jamaican guy, Eric, who needed a roommate fast. My relationship was rocky, since Dax was OCD and I was a Pisces. But as Dax helped me moved across town, we made plans to take a weekend at the end of the month to San Jose and go to Great America. This above anything else, excited me. I really had someone who did for me as I did for him. Going into 3 weeks of our relationship, we still haven't had sex and according to him that was cool. A week after I moved in, I went to Dax's house and we celebrated my new move with, yes you guesses it, sex. A few days later, an overwhelming ominous feeling of pain shot through my spirit. I immediately called Dax and got no answer. When I finally reached him, I asked him what was wrong. After a pause, he stated he'd rather tell me face to face. I declined to wait that long and told him to tell me now. He obliged but said he'd tell me online. After I waited for him to sign on, he told me that he loved me but that this relationship wasn't going to work since he was ten years older than me. That was his reasoning. He was older and independent and he wanted someone who was independent as well. I sat there motionless and confused. So needless to say, my trip to Great America never came.

Memorial Day weekend had approached and I was still a bit sad over this silly month and five day relationship, which I no longer consider a relationship, and I was just finishing up some work for my job when I get a message online saying 'Do it again.' I'm sitting there like, its done correctly, why? So after about 4 hours of doing and redoing, I get the pink slip of death. Ur fired. I didn't know what to say but the last line from Casey Novak in Law and Order SVU, "What do I do now?" and of course my boss said the supporting line, "Something else." I didn't know what to do but cry. This month was not how I expected it to go.

June rolled in like the fog in San Francisco and I was out looking for a job adamantly. I told my friends that I am only down for a week at the most and I always find another job. Sho'nuf, I landed a job in San Francisco not but a week after I got fired. This was the month that I met two of my good friends, Ivan and Marvin. I was cleaning up one day, the rare days I do clean up, and saw I missed a call from Dax. When I called him back, he said he wanted to meet to return the rest of my stuff. I wanted to decline but this was my stuff he had. When I saw him that night, he was in tears. This was soooo new to me. He was crying that I couldn't even cry. This was supposed to be my moment, damn you. After he left, it was three days before I went through the bag and I saw he returned the bear I gave him. So, I woke up the next day, wrote him a 'I understand why you did it' letter, sealed it in a Manila envelop, tied the bear to the envelop, rode the BART 30 mins to Balboa Park, took the 9X 30 mins to his house and slipped it in the mailbox. This would be the last time I ever let a man have that much power over me.

My first SF Gay Pride was this month and my first AIDS WALK was the week before. Both were awesome in itself, except the walk was a 6 mile walk and I was alone cuz my MP3 player died like the cheap son of a bitch it is. Ivan had taken me to Berkeley hills for the first time since I lived in the Bay and we talked for over five hours before we realized it was getting dark. I figured in my mind that we would only be friends since he didn't know if he was gay or straight, and you know how that confusion urks me, but July would reveal something different and I would eat my words of Dax being the last man to have power.

Damn it.....

29 December 2008

Memories of 2008 (2)

March was the first full month of my stay in Cali and so far it was a good one. I was around my friends and taking in the new scenery. I was desperately trying to find out why ppl from outside of Oakland are scared of it. Especially East Oakland. This month I met one of my gentlemen callers for CA and I will never forget meeting this one guy from Sacramento who went to school at Laney College and wanted to see me. So when I met him, I was like lets go to Starbucks. This was the day Starbucks all around the world closed hella early to introduce some new product the next day, so we ended up going to Burger King. While I am eating he tells me the next time he comes, he wants to take me home with him to Sacramento. When he saw the look on my face, he got defensive asking me whats wrong with him. After telling him I am new out here and don't know anyone in Sacramento, I wasn't about to go with him to his house only meeting him once. And so, he left me at Burger King at 10 at night. I had no idea where I was in Oakland and then realized why ppl are afraid of Oakland. Its hella scary at night. I came here for my happiness and wasn't gonna let this incident spoil my attitude.

The next couple of weeks, almost one a day I had a date with a different guy. Almost all of them were rejects, either didn't want to take me out and just wanted sex, or wanted more after they took me out, or after the date just wanted to be friends and I never heard from them again. I was about to learn that no matter how far I run, ppl will always be the same, until I change what I want.

April came in so softly and quietly. I wasn't quit done with the dating scene but I was slowing it down a bit. I had been taken to San Francisco for the first time since I lived here and it was beautiful to drive into. This guy I was with lived on Twin Peaks (the highest elevated point in SF) and "needed to stop home" before we went out. I wasn't born two days ago, but I played along getting my plan together as we drove. When we pulled up to his house, he parked in the garage and asked me to come in and 'view' the house. I asked if he had a living room, dining room, kitchen, bathroom and bedroom? When he answered yes confusedly, I replied 'then I know what ur house looks like, I will stay in the car.' After pleading, I told him that he is wasting time sitting here. So as I sat in the car waiting, he came back out again and said it was gonna be longer than he expected and that it would get hot in the garage. I said that's fine, opened the car door and sat right where I was at. Needless to say, I went home right after, but the kicker is he didn't take me back to Oakland. I went to Civic Center Bart.

This was also the month I went to the hospital cause my left ear went deaf and for three weeks I couldn't hear. The doctors didn't know what was wrong, but one day, as Im going into the tunnel to SF....my ear POPS and it hurt like hell. But I can hear now. Toward the middle of the month, I decided my methods at finding a suitable date were slim to none so I did something different. I played 'Myspace Idol', its where I 'browse friends' on Myspace, and get as specific with what Im looking for and when the finals come up, I sent each one a message. It was only three ppl I messaged and only one replied. His name was Dax Johnson. I was about to fall so fast for this man so heavily and he was about to give the feelings back. But what I wouldn't have foreseen coming is his deep seeded issues would cause the demise of our 4.5 week relationship. And now the place I was staying wanted me out by the end of April, and my relationship wanted me out by the beginning of May.

May......wow.

23 December 2008

Memories of 2008 (1)

Two thousand and eight was a year of many discoveries and revelations. During the next few days I will be taking you down a trip on Jonny B Lane. The facts of my life that has been hidden for so long, the joys of happiness, the frustrations of sadness, and the countless lessons I learned. We will start with the first month of the year, January.

January I was still living in Miami, Florida and had just came back from visiting my bffs in California for New Years. I had made up my mind that I was leaving Miami and moving to a place where I had found happiness once in 2004, making it the first move I would have ever done solely on my own. This month I was hospitalized for a tear in the abdominal area that was directly caused by a man I was in love with named John. The sad part about it was that he never came to see me in the hospital and told me he was never coming to see me again. Angered and out of spite, I told him that was fine and finally told him about my decision to move to CA. Unaffected, he congratulated me and hung up. I cried almost every night in January and woke up with a half baked smile every morning. I counted down the days till my move. 24.

In February, I tried to wrap up all my loose ends in South Florida, telling my gentlemen callers that once I leave, they will never hear from me again. I saw everyone that I liked one last time and waited two weeks before someone bought my car for $700. Toward the middle of the month, I finally rode the Tri-Rail for the first time in my entire stay in Miami (it has nothing on the BART). My brother and I went to the Nuggets vs Heat game in celebration for his and my birthday (his the 1st and mine the 22nd). I bought a laptop with the money I got from my car and shipped off the last things of mine to CA. The night of my birthday, I worked and my job threw me a little bday celebration slash moving party. Once I got to Fort Lauderdale/Hollywood International, they told me that all of my luggage was over the maximum capacity and that I couldn't board unless I took shit out. Needless to say, I still have alot of clothes still in South Florida to this day. When I got to Oakland, I was angered to find out my luggage was broken and the airline was NOT going to rectify the mishap. So thus began my first lesson to the place that was suppose to bring me happiness, don't get upset when things are broken.

March is when it all began.........

18 December 2008

B-TV #1- "Becoming A Movement By Yourself"

I had to focus on some key subjects about depression and turning one's negative attitude into a positive one.
Become a movement by yourself and not a one man bandstand.

05 December 2008

Excerpt from 'U, Sex and the Town'

I raced to the mirror and checked to see if my tie was on straight. Damn tie, I can never get it right the first time. Either the knot is too huge, or the fat part of the tie is too short. I just yanked it off and swore to put it on when I was on the BART. As I did my last roundabout of the house to make sure I had everything, I grabbed my keys and walked out the house. As soon as I stepped my first foot out the door, I tripped. Face first on the ground. There nothing to break my fall and nothing on my side that I could have grabbed. I heard my keys hit the wall on the other side of the hall and I felt a presence over me at the same time. Maybe if I just lay here motionless, they will go away.

“I’m okay.” I muffled into the carpeted floor. I heard the keys jingle and my attention shot in that direction. HE was standing over me with his right hand stretched out and my keys in his left. I slowly grabbed his hand and got on my feet.

“That was a nasty fall.” He stated, letting out a small chuckle as he said fall. He had a slight Jamaican accent and when I began to focus more on him, I saw he was something to look at. He was a tad shade darker than me, making him a mocha frappuccino complexion. I saw his hair was black and cut slightly short and he wore these rectangular shaped glasses, which introduced his hazel eyes. His body was perfectly shaped, built chest, v-shaping to his hips. His flannel button up fit perfectly, outlining his upper body and his tan khakis revealed he was wearing briefs. Tommy Hilfiger, at least. Yes, I am that good.

“Yea, didn’t even feel it.” I finally got out, blushing so hard. When he handed me my keys smiling, I turned and locked the door.

“Thanks,” I softly acknowledged.

“Anytime,” he spoke with a sense of seduction, “So how long have you lived here?”

“Over a year,” I turned facing him, feeling my ass getting hot, “I take it you live in the building?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah,” he pointed behind him. This mystery man lived right across the hall from me and I never noticed this Adonis of my building.

“Wow, you just moved in?”He smiled again, revealing his glossy whites. I could have came all over myself. (I think I did a little.)

“No, I have been there for six months.”

Not only has this fine specimen of God’s version of perfection lived in my building, ACROSS the hall from me, but has been there for SIX, one two three four five, SIX months.

“Why have I never seen you?” I asked, half wondering half not caring, ‘cause he is here now.

“Well, I am usually at my wife’s house in-“

Whoa whoa whoa, WIFE?! Great, what a lovely version of PUNK’D God just played on me. First I trip and then this. Thanks.

“Oh, okay,” I cut him off sharply, “I am late for work.” I ended, turned and walked away. Not even giving him a chance to respond.

14 November 2008

News Cast of Characters 1

So, we have been living in a time that has been more than historic. Along with the 44th president being of a race other than white, and gay marriage being legal (then unlegal) in the state of California, and the stock market crashing below 0 for more weeks than one can count, other things have taken place that cause attention to at least ONE person on the face of the earth. Here is a run down;
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We all know that Jennifer Hudson has gone thru much too much than one person to bear in a month's time, I would know. It's not a pretty thing to go through loss so quickly, to lose someone as equally close right behind that. So to the family and friends of Miss Jennifer Hudson, we here send the deepest DEEPEST heartfelt condolences to you guys. And for everyone else, if your interested, you may send flowers/gifts/notes to:

Hudson Funeral Home
8747 S. Commercial Av
Chicago, Il 60617

Just in case you was wondering.


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Speaking of Mrs. lets talk about Miss Beyonce. What is that girl thinking? The fags and queens will ALWAYS remember her as BEYONCE KNOWLES, the one and only Destiny's Child (sorry Kelly and Michelle fans). And they will continue to reference her as such. This whole, Sasha McFierce or whatever she going by these days, sounds like a drag queen she met on one of her tours and did her famous Beyonce move and stole it, said it was hers, and made money off of it. As my friend would say, Chile, BOO!. But to the new gays and homos who are coming up, they will worship the new bipolar Beyonce with multiple personalities. SASHA!
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Sadly, it has come to realize that the South still thrives to this day when it comes to racism and homophobia. Even though MD is rarely considered the "South", its still underneath the Mason-Dixon line. So when we came across this news, we had to share this with our fans;



On Sunday, September 7th, Tony Randolph Hunter of Hyattsville, MD and a friend was beaten and attacked near the popular D.C. gay club BeBar. Tony remained in the hospital in intensive care being treated for severe head wounds.

On Wednesday, December 17th, Tony died at the age of 37. Close friends state that Tony had been on life support and the family decided to pull the plug once his brother arrived from out of town to see him.

You can continue reading this story at WhatstheT.com where they have more information.

We send our love and support to the family and friends as well.
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Gurl, Have you heard the da-ga-ga? Well all the Noah's Arc fans will be happy to know that, despite the limited viewing, the movie 'Jumping the Broom' hasn't had any bad reviews...yet. Not that we are waiting for any. No, never that. However, I am a bit skeptical to see the difference between what has changed since the show. Preferably, acting wise. The situations are purely theatrical, so we can always expect a drama filled, laughing-crying time when it comes to the four Ellen loving (or would it be Oprah for gay men?) gays of Los Angeles. But it is still playing today in the following cites;


New York, NY


Detroit, MI


Atlanta, GA


Houston, TX


Chicago, IL


Washington, DC


San Francisco, CA


Ocean, NJ


Palm Springs, CA

For show times and listings, click here.

So that has come to the conclusion of our News Cast today. Please join us next time for an update to current events happening in your life today! Smooches!







13 November 2008

The End

We are BACK!


We are back in the full swing of things. Personal issues and deaths of close friends had caused a temporary pause in production on all the websites and shows. But don't you worry your little heads there. Winter of 2008 will be a fresh start.

As many of you know, ASP Webcast on YouTube has officially ended and no more episodes will be recorded. However, there is a new production in way that will be recorded outside of the house and not talking to a webcam. Also, the blogsite is up and current as of today, November 13th with the new blog covering Prop 8, sort of.

So thank you all for your continued support through it all. It has helped motivate me in all ways. Smooches!

04 November 2008

History Has Been Made...but who cares?




So as happy as I should be about the 44th President of the United States being the first BLACK president to ever walk on the face of the America, I am far from the emotion of joy. Proposition 8 passed in California on 11/05/08 and, for the 2nd time in the state of California, my right to marry who I am in love with has been taken away from me. I didn't know that hatred could be such a sacred family value and for the Mormon church to donate almost 15 million dollars is a slap in Gods face to me. How could a religion who supports and condones polygamy, a major downfall of marriage, gives so much money to keep homosexuals from getting hitched?



Another thing is an order to make a major amendment to the constitution, you need 2/3 of the Legislature to pass this. So how was this passed without going through this level? Something isn't settling right. And I'm pretty sure these queens and bitches are gagging cuz the president elect said that the gay nation is going to be APART of the straight nation as soon as he becomes the 44th president. O, how true I hope those words become.


But forgive me for not leaping for joy over Barack H. Obama when Jonny B. Mitchell has lost his right that he worked so hard for. Take care.

05 October 2008

Peace in Rest



So this has been the longest my depression has lasted this year, and last week didn't help any. I lost interest in my writing, I lost interest in my show, I even lost interest in my business. But last Thursday I got news that one of my closest friend, Krys 'Buddy' Smith, passed away at 33 because of kidney failure. He was my buddy for a long time and had planned to see him before the end of the year. But we hadn't decided if it was going to be here in California or down in Miami. Now, with his loss in my life, I don't which way to turn. I feel as if I am falling apart slowly and that no one seems to care. I feel angry and sad and can't meet anyone new without being an ass. Until I deal with myself and my emotions, I will force myself to write through it.




Dearest, most sweet, Krys,

Your gone and I have no idea what to do. I have trouble accepting the fact, so I don't think this time I will. I will be like you went on to Miami without me, and forgot to take your phone. But I can understand why God would want you closer to him, cause you were truly an angel in my life. I love you and will miss you.

Jonny

July 22nd, 1975- August 6th, 2008

24 September 2008

Voting Day Info

So when I intially read the report on Brian White's blog, I figured it was just a hoax or something of the sort. But when I got email's from close friends and affilates I figured I would pass the word along. Here it is;

So when you go out to the polls on Tuesday, November 4th, 2008 DO NOT wear any political buttons, hats, T-shirts and anything else promoting any candidate (presidential, local & state) or any political party. This is extremely important because they can and will LEGALLY turn you away from the polls and you WILL NOT be eligible to vote until you have shed the attire or accessories. And of course with all of the excitement surrounding Senator Obama, I can easily see why this can and will be an excuse to turn younger & less experienced voters away. Yes we're all excited, but please dress just as normal as you would on any other day.Do your part and forward this email to as many people as possible so that there's no mix ups because every single vote counts. Spread the word people!

22 September 2008

Who's To Blame?

By CHARLES BABBINGTON, Associated Press Writer

Since the nation's birth, Americans have discussed race and avoided it, organized neighborhoods and political movements around it, and used it to divide and hurt people even as relations have improved dramatically since the days of slavery, Reconstruction and legal segregation.


Now, in what could be a historic year for a black presidential candidate, a new Associated Press-Yahoo! News poll, conducted with Stanford University, shows just how wide a gap remains between whites and blacks.


It shows that a substantial portion of white Americans still harbor negative feelings toward blacks. It shows that blacks and whites disagree tremendously on how much racial prejudice exists, whose fault it is and how much influence blacks have in politics.


One result is that Barack Obama's path to the presidency is steeper than it would be if he were white.


Until now, social scientists have not closely examined racial sentiments on a nationwide scale at a moment when race is central to choosing the next president. The poll, which featured a large sample of Americans — more than 2,200 — and sophisticated survey techniques rarely used in media surveys, reflected the complexity, change and occasional contradictions of race relations.
More whites apply positive attributes to blacks than negative ones, and blacks are even more generous in their descriptions of whites. Racial prejudice is lower among college-educated whites living outside the South. And many whites who think most blacks are somewhat lazy, violent or boastful are willing or even eager to vote for Obama over Republican John McCain, who is white.
The poll, however, shows that blacks and whites see racial discrimination in starkly different terms. When asked "how much discrimination against blacks" exists, 10 percent of whites said "a lot" and 45 percent said "some."

Among blacks, 57 percent said "a lot" and all but a fraction of the rest said "some."
Asked how much of America's existing racial tension is created by blacks, more than one-third of white respondents said "most" or "all," and 9 percent said "not much." Only 3 percent of blacks said "most" or "all," while half said "not much at all."

Nearly three-fourths of blacks said white people have too much influence in American politics. Only 12 percent of whites agreed. Almost three times as many blacks as whites said blacks have too little influence.

Far more blacks than whites say government officials "usually pay less attention to a request or complaint from a black person than a white person."

One in five whites have felt admiration for blacks "very" or "extremely" often. Seventy percent of blacks have felt the same about whites.

The poll may surprise those who thought Obama's appeal to young voters proves Americans in their 20s and 30s are clearly less racially biased than their parents. The survey found no meaningful differences among age groups in whites' perceptions of blacks, although older whites appear more likely to discuss their views.

Some findings fall into the glass half-empty or half-full category. One-fourth of white Democrats ascribed at least two negative attributes to blacks. But two-thirds of those Democrats said they will vote for Obama.

That finding alone could nourish a debate about how much harm is done by racial prejudices that seem to have modest influence on how people behave.

Kelly Edmondson, 34, of Cincinnati, is a white Democrat enthusiastic about backing Obama. The country needs a new direction, she said, and "I feel like he can reach a lot of people."

She cares for her two sets of young twins during the day and teaches college at night; most of her students are black. In the survey, Edmondson said positive words such as "hardworking" and "intelligent" describe most blacks "very well." She said a few negative traits, such as "lazy" and "irresponsible," apply "somewhat well" to most blacks.

In a telephone interview, Edmondson said those attributes apply equally to all races. She fretted that some of her fellow Ohioans might be less candid, privately planning to vote for McCain when they publicly say they are "on the fence."

"I worry about that," she said.

Polls consistently show Obama running about even with McCain, or leading by a notably smaller margin than the one Democrats enjoy over Republicans in most generic surveys about which party is best suited to govern.

The AP-Yahoo News poll suggests that racial prejudice could cost Obama up to 6 percentage points this fall. That's a big hurdle in a nation whose last two presidential elections were decided by much smaller margins.

Charles Crozier, 73, of Marietta, Ga., said he is a "quasi-independent" Democrat who is undecided on the presidential contest. He likes McCain on energy issues, including his call for more nuclear energy. But he prefers Obama's stands on economic issues.

Crozier, who is white, said race is not a factor in his thinking. He said he's not sure "how much of an issue it is for (other) people" in his community. It frustrates him to hear people incorrectly state that Obama (who is Christian) is a Muslim because they read it on the Internet.
"I'm old enough to know a lie repeated often enough becomes the truth," Crozier said. "You can't change their minds."

Racial progress in America is undeniable on many fronts. But millions of white and black Americans still barely interact at all, bringing the very term "race relations" into question.
"There's still a lot of estrangement out there" between the races, said David Bositis, who writes about racial matters at the Washington-based Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies.


"There's still an enormous amount of segregation."

Even with sophisticated polls, it's hard to measure the progress, or lack of progress, in race relations.

"The prior forms of racism, with hindsight, were relatively easy to deal with," said Kenneth O'Reilly, who has written books on racial politics and now teaches history at Milwaukee Area Technical College. He cited slavery, lynchings and legal and de facto segregation.

Now, he said, racial prejudices and grievances are more subtle. "If you ask 100 people what is the main color line problem today," he said, "you get 100 answers."

The AP-Yahoo News poll of 2,227 adults was conducted Aug. 27-Sept. 5, and has a margin of sampling error of plus or minus 2.1 percentage points. It was designed to plumb people's racial attitudes, and particularly how those attitudes affect voting.

The survey used the unique methodology of Knowledge Networks, of Menlo Park, Calif., including questions about how well words like "friendly" or "violent" describe blacks; having respondents type sensitive answers into computers, which tends to make them more honest; and using brief flashes of faces of people of different races to detect that people may not be aware they have.

Stanford University political scientist Paul Sniderman said that in today's society, racial prejudice "is a deep challenge, and it's one that Americans in general, and for that matter, political scientists, just haven't been ready to acknowledge fully."

For minority candidates such as Obama, he said, "there's a penalty for prejudice, and it's not trivial." If the presidential contest remains close, he said, racial prejudice "might be enough to tip the election."

17 September 2008

New and Improved

A Solobeatz Production is growing and becoming even better than ever. Because of the new look and switch we are making to expand, the Webcast will be on hold for a week or so. The newsletter, however, will be on time.

Our Webcast has been spotted by Vallejo Community Access Television (http://www.vcat.tv/) and will be offering equipment to perfect our show with professional equipment. In any event, our production will be on hold till all is set in stone.

Thanks for your continued support and love.
Jonny B. Mitchell.

07 September 2008

Teardrop

Love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Feathers on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

In the night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

Water is my eye
Most faithful my love
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire of a confession
Fearless on my breath
Most faithful my love
Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath

02 September 2008

Love, Lust & Lies, Baby



Dear Hearts, we run into yet another crisis with our lovely's out there.

How do you react when your man tells you that he wants to be a stripper or maybe even a porn star? Is this any different if he told you that he wanted to practice Voodoo, or if he wanted to go and buy a casino in the middle of Alaska with all the money you saved over the years? What is the appropriate response to this issue?

I feel that if my man was to tell me that he wanted to be a stripper on top of his 9-5 job, we would have a problem. When would we have time for each other? If he wanted to do just stripping, I would have to feel some type of way about that. Now, I don't look down on strippers, escorts or "massage therapist", because I've done a share of things in my life, and because of THAT is where my fear arises. Since I know the game and what happens in it, I wouldn't be able to sit comfortably around our house knowing what my man is doing. (And please stop focusing on my past life and attend to the issue at hand, thank you.)

Now, this porn star thing? Not even up for discussion. Whether its legal or not, whether it's contracted or not, having sexual intercourse OUTSIDE of the relationship is cheating (please see blog entitled "Trust or No Trust"). Even worse, its premeditated cheating...with benefits. If I wanted the world to see my man fuck (or get fucked) by other men and/or women, I would actually DATE a porn star. So my stance here is, if he can't respect that decision then he is NOT the one you need to be spending time with.

What do you think?

Sad Day For Negatives

So, it seems that a lot of people who wanted New Orleans to go under were sadly let down the other day when they saw that Hurricane Gustav totally side-swiped the fabulous city of New Orleans. I suppose what goes around comes around?



I would be worried about the next 3 hurricanes growing; Hanna, Ike and Josephine, if I was one of the people who hoped harm and danger on Louisiana. But that's just me.



31 August 2008

I Can Be

Maybe I'm just wrong for feelin the way I do
Thoughts indecent, want to put those down to you
I know you have a girl, I don't want to tie
When you're free one night just make those hours mine

I can be another person in your life
I can be the other reason you're out at night
I can be all the things you thought she might
I can be on the side
That would alright

Love just ain't my thang, but half of you might be
Enough for two or more, no her to me and me
Fine like expensive wine, drunk off one glass of you
I think that might be too much, so weekends for me are cool

I can be another person in your life
I can be the other reason you're out at night
I can be all the things you thought she might
I can be on the side

That would alright

27 August 2008

Is Love Enough?

So dear hearts, I listened to you and will continue to give more advice blogs from now on. However, if you are apart of Facebook, join the group ‘A Solobeatz Production’ where there will be more advice topics posted there.

But today there is a topic I need some help on. I know a guy who lives on the west coast and the person he truly loves (Agape love), who feels the same way, lives on the east coast. They have been knowing each other for years and at the time of the first encounter neither one was ready for a relationship. They had to focus on self and grow mentally before commitment could even be apart of the picture.

Now, neither coincidentally or ironically where the two linked to each other at the same time on two different parts of the world. A call was made to one the same time the other crossed their mind. The reason these two haven’t gotten together again is not because of the 4,000 mile separation between the two, its because one is in the military and unable to just quit as you would a 9 to 5. Another catch is he is leaving next month for a 7 month deployment and after, there is no plans to continue anything on the east coast.

The will to be together is still there, but the opportunity seems to not be. Is there any advice we can give these two to keep the hope? Or should they just let go and move on?

Lake Tahoe Camping

This past weekend was not only fun, but it was an experience. Things I had never done before, I did. Like, hike up mountains, film my entire trip, and other things that will remain safe under the 5th amendment. I learned a lot about things that I had questions on and got a reminder that I CAN be happy all by myself.

The first night we got there, it was already dark and needless to say I was scared. I could’ve gotten attacked by bears or worse, drunken campers. Nevertheless, the first night we did have a visitation from the bears, and I don’t mean the sports team. The good thing about it, they didn’t come to our tent.

The 2nd day, we went down to the fresh water lake and I dipped in mainly cuz the bee’s were about to get cussed out from bothering me so much. I wanted to swim but quickly nixed the idea cuz I didn’t have on my swim gear, and I couldn’t go skinny dipping this time cuz too many families with children where around. Damn them. That night, I started my first camp fire all by myself and attempted to keep it lit.

The last day, we went hiking up Mount Tallic and HIKING it was. So many rocks and so many bushes, I thought I was gonna get poison ivy. About half way up, we rested. Laugh out loud. Once that journey ended, it was time to leave. I truly enjoyed my time and energy spent there.

Hopefully soon, we can do it again. Maybe next time, I won’t film everything. Aw, who am I kidding!

26 August 2008

Good Cowboy/ Bad Cowboy

There was a father who had a son that was about 6 or 7 years old. And his son was reading his favorite cowboy book, and every so often the father would walk by the room and he asked,
"Son, what are you doing?"
"I am reading my favorite cowboy book dad."
"But, son, all I hear you saying over and over is 'you gon get it.' Why are you just repeating that over and over?"
The son replied, "Well, dad, what happened was the good cowboy was always getting beat up by the bad cowboy. It frightened me so I went to the end of the book to see how it ended." the son pointed to the book, "When I got to the last chapter I discovered that finally the good cowboy beats the bad cowboy."
And so he continued, "I went back where I had left off and every time the bad cowboy would hit the good cowboy, I would remind the good cowboy, 'You gon get it.'"

25 August 2008

Addicted

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

20 August 2008

Another Star

For you
There might be another star
But through my eyes the light of you it's all I see

For you
There might be another song
But all my heart can hear is your melody
So long ago my heart without demanding
Informed me that no other love could do
But listen did I not though understanding
Fell in love with one
Who would break my heart in two

For you
Love might bring a toast of wine
But which each sparkle know the best for you I pray
For you
Love might be for you to find
But I will celebrate our love of yestarday
So long ago my heart without demanding
Informed me that no other love could do
But listen did I not though understanding
Fell in love with one
Who would break my heart in two

For you
There might be another star
But through my eyes the light of you it's all I see

For you
There might be another song
But in my heart your melody will stay with me

18 August 2008

Fabolous Weekend

So when I say I had the most wonderfulest weekend this weekend, that is by far an understatement. There is something about going through somethings, going through some depression, going through some hard times, and having people come to you and actually LIFT your spirits so high, it makes you want to shout (my church folk know what I mean). When so many people come together out of pure happiness and love, you cant help but feel a feeling of joy in your body.


For some reason on Friday, I got this sudden boast of confidence and felt that I was sexy and that it was all about me. Me and one of my good friends went to a party that night and I did something I had never done before. I greeted people that I didn't know and then I danced the night away BY MYSELF! Must have been the full moon. Afterwards, the guy I had a crush on was so attentive to me for once and I felt like, bitch I really don't need you, but damn it feels good to have you. That night I also met Maurice Jamal who is the most humble and funniest person I have ever met.


Saturday we went to the Black Gay Film Festival and I watched about 7 short films about lesbian women trying to lose weight, or gay men who overcome homophobia. The one that actually stuck out and had the crowd in awe was the one entitled "The Young and Evil." It was about a guy who didn't care anymore about life and did everything in his power to become affected with HIV. This was the only film by far that had people thinking, that's exactly what goes on in the life EVEN if its not intentional. Don't risk your life when you know the consequences. Afterwards, I met a new friend, Kenny G. and he was too hilarious and very kind. Later that night, me and my good friend went to a community night party called "Moonlight Under the Stars" and we met so many people that were in high places to help get our careers started.


Sunday, was the kicker. Not only was breakfast a hoot (our waiter gave us fever and it was sooo funny) but the end of the festival was the movie, soon to be show, called "Friends and Lovers." Created by Maurice Jamal ((Look for that on Logo this fall)).
O-M-G!
I love Noah's Arc and give it much respect, but this was too funny. They say that for each great thing, there is something greater. The universe works in mysterious ways and it was a good thing that Noah's Arc was cancelled because now we have a chance to support a black gay known FILM. And with Lover's and Friends actually replacing the Noah's Arc series, we have just overcame a lot of obstacles in Hollywood.

After the film, we went out to eat with the creator and his friends and if that wasn't the most entertaining, uplifting and enjoyable time, I don't know what was.

While we were talking, I began to realize that the situations in my life are so minute. If it is going to work out, then it will. If not, it was only meant for my good. It's one thing to say turn it over and not worry about it, but its in human nature to think. So instead of stopping there, I think God knows EXACTLY what he is doing. If we get in a relationship or if we don't, God knows exactly what he is doing. If we stop talking, he knows what he is doing. And at that dinner table last night, around the laughter, the joy, the happiness of all my old friends and my new ones, I know whole heartily that EVERYTHING truly happens for a reason. And that God knows what he is doing. That being said, look for a movie from me in next years Black Gay Film Festival.

I feel like shouting.

14 August 2008

The Black Shell


I’m gonna go back into my black shell,
Into the void of darkness that covers the face of the deep,
Longing to hear the voice whisper, "Let there be light."
But there is no light.


I will cradle into my black shell,
Where the form of sound does not boom
Or the distress of sight does not focus.
My rusted stained walls of life.


I stretch out my black shell
And see the break of day
To know that I have a second chance
The joy of new breath that’s on the wind.


I dance in the newness of air
Into the canvas of eternal bliss
I begin to leave that void of hate and fear
And leave behind my black shell.


And leave behind my black shell.

12 August 2008

The Love Below the Line

Love represents a range of emotions and experiences related to the senses of affection and sexual attraction. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

As an abstract concept love usually refers to a strong, ineffable feeling towards another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual. Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

For me there are 4 different kinds of love. Brotherly Love, Motherly Love, Agape Love, and Romantic Love. Brotherly love, as simple as it sounds, is self explanatory. It's the love you have for your best friends, your family, sometimes strangers, and et cetera et cetera. Motherly Love, is just that. The bond a mother (or a motherly figure) has for their children, biological or not. That special kind of care and worry that no other human can give. Agape Love is more technical. This love represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. For the sake of argument, God's love. Very few humans can boast about sharing this kind of love. This is also the true meaning of "True Love". And lastly you have Romantic Love. Just like the others, it is what it says. Its that love at first site feeling, that first "I Love You" from your lover, that Cupid's arrow feeling on Valentine's day, sometimes even Puppy Love.

So which ever sense of Love you share, just know that it's the best type of feeling to have. When someone says that they love you, don't think they are attaching too fast. Just ask them why they feel like that. Love is the best. Share the love and be free. I love you.

04 August 2008

Movie Review: The Dark Knight


The Dark Knight (2008):
Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart
Director: Christopher Nolan
Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and some menace
Critics Rating: A plus
View: Trailer

This movie was by far the BEST movie I have seen this year (even though I never got to see Sex and the City.) It was both entertaining and exciting the ENTIRE time. From the moment the WB symbol went off the screen till the credits rolled, you were kept in focus throughout what was going on. Very rare that a movie has done that in some time. But here are my thoughts:

To say that Christopher Nolan's THE DARK KNIGHT is the best comic book adaptation does the film a bit of a disservice. It may be a Batman film, but this isn't a kid-friendly action movie full of the bams and pows of the original series. This is a pitch-black thriller with enough drama and tragedy to please even William Shakespeare, but it will certainly keep both comics fans and uninitiated audiences equally happy.

THE DARK KNIGHT starts in the wake of BATMAN BEGINS: with the appearance of Batman (Christian Bale), Gotham City's criminal underworld is unnerved. They're also plagued by the new D.A., Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), who, in his quest for justice, remains above the city's corruption. Enter a new (or old?) villain, the Joker (Heath Ledger), who wants to unite the criminals for a common purpose: to kill Batman.

THE DARK KNIGHT is one of the most hyped movies to date, and a lesser film would be crushed under the weight of all that expectation. Some of the publicity stems from the early death of Ledger, who turns in an excellent (EXCELLENT!) performance (surpasses Brokeback, yes I said it, BROKEBACK!). He provides moments of humor, but this Joker is terrifying, sharing more with classic villains such as Hannibal Lechter than with his comic book predecessors.

Eckhart is equally good as Dent, and Maggie Gyllenhaal (wasn't her brother in Brokeback?) deserves praise for taking over the role of Rachel Dawes from Katie Holmes (I knew there was something different). Though there's more emphasis on plot and character development than in most comic book adaptations (*cough*, X-Men 1,2 and 3), that doesn't mean Nolan has skimped on any of the action sequences. Each set piece is done perfectly, leaving the audience breathless (understatement). THE DARK KNIGHT is film making at its best; its subject matter may be dark and depressing, but it's tough not to feel exhilarated by its artistry when the credits begin to roll. (Standing ovation on the first night.)

So in my mortal words dear hearts, GO SEE THIS MOVIE. It is worth how ever many times you wanna go see it. It is worth boosting it past Titanic (which bored the crap outta me until the end) and getting it nominated for an Oscar. So you go see it, and tell me how it is.

Why The Caged Bird Sings

Caged without a key
Everyone comes to stare at me
With so much joy and rivalry
They din't know how I feel inside
Through my smile I cry
They don't know what they're doin' to me
Keeping me from flyin'
That's why I say that
I know why the caged bird sings

Only joy comes from song
He's so rare and beautiful to others
Why not just set him free
So he can Fly, fly, fly
Spreadin his wings and her song
Let him Fly, fly fly
For the whole world to see

He's like caged bird
Fly, fly
Ooh just let him fly
Just let him fly
Just let him fly
Spread the wings
Spread the beauty

31 July 2008

2008 HIV

People infected with HIV have more options than they had 20 years ago, however, the big insurance companies haven't expanded at all. Kaiser still declines applicants if they say that they are HIV positive. E Health Insurance declines you but gives you other options. It seems that the world doesn't want this epidemic under wraps, because if they did, the medications would be affordable and/or insurance would be given without question. You would think that if they knew someone who was infected with a virus that will affect a person's health, they would jump on it to stop it. Sadly, the world isn't as caring as it portrays.

It must be the white man's attempt to rid the world of "coloreds" or the straight man's attempt to rid the world of "fags". But what this closed minded humanity fails to realize is that a disease and a virus do not discriminate. They are equal opportunity. It saddens me to see that the movie John Q had no affect on America, but what do you expect to get from a bunch of drop outs and holy than thou people. It seems that people who are well off don't give two shits about people less fortunate than them, and people who are less fortunate seem to not care about anyone else but themselves. So where does that leave us in the middle? Where does that leave the people who actually care? Who actually want to try and save the world? Who actually want to move to Canada to get FREE health care, but can't cuz gas prices are 12 dollars a gallon?

If anything is to come to the next generation of humans, I pray that it's intelligence, tolerance, understanding, acceptance, and most of all chivalry. "If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die." ~Maya Angelou.

24 July 2008

A Publice Service Annoucement

Torn Apart

If I ask you for some time, will you give it without care?
If I tell you that I need some space, will you let me breath the air?

If I give you my heart, will you cover it up from the rain?
Or would my gift have been in vain?

If I make my life a better place, will you come in and take part?
If I take my problems to him, will our love finally start?

To whom it may concern, this poem is about me
Well in order to make myself feel free
I have to fix my broken heart
So it will no longer be torn apart.

20 July 2008

The Low Down


The San Francisco Bay Area is one of the most diverse cities in America and also the most disappointing areas as well. I want to give you the pro's and con's of living in today's version of SF Bay Area. Here goes (time for the good side);

  • San Francisco- One of the most openly gay cities in the world. SF 49ers.

  • Oakland- the most culture and history on display around the entire city. The Oakland A's.

  • Hayward- the most prepared people in the state.

  • Marin CO.- Some of the beautifulest scenery in NorCal.
  • Richmond- the city with alot of hidden beauty in the heart of Downtown.

  • Fremont- MC Hammer.

  • Dublin/Pleasanton- GREAT shopping and dining.

  • Concord- Full of people who know how to hang in there thru it all.

  • Antioch- GREAT view at night of MT. Diablo.

  • Vallejo- Some of the best out-on-the-town things to do every day of the week.

  • Daly City- Some of the best recreational things offered here.

  • San Jose- Some great history to learn here.

  • San Leandro- Nicest people live amongst the others. And good food here as well.

  • Livermore- Money, money, money rockin' everywhere.

  • Berkeley- The most unique, original, eccentric, high sense of individuality city anywhere. The best weed too, incidentally.

  • Emeryville- IKEA!

  • Sacramento- If it was apart of the SF Bay Area I could tell you.


The Low Down 2


The San Francisco Bay Area is one of the most diverse cities in America and also the most disappointing areas as well. I want to give you the pros and con's of living in today's version of SF Bay Area. Here goes (I will start with the con's 1st);

        • San Francisco-People here are surprisingly homophobic and rude. 2nd murder central under Richmond. Thats right folks, OAKLAND isnt murderville!

        • Oakland- People here are loud, obnoxious and plain ignorant.

        • Hayward- People here are scared and anxious.

        • Marin CO.- People here are BEYOND racist.

        • Richmond- People here are ghetto in every sense of the word. Also murder central.

        • Fremont- People here are stupid.

        • Dublin/Pleasanton- People here are stuck up.

        • Concord- People here are bigots and also very racist.

        • Antioch- People's mindset here are still stuck in the 1940's.

        • Vallejo- People here are very annoying and oblivious to the world.

        • Daly City- People here are very selfish.

        • San Jose- People here are lazy and closed minded.

        • San Leandro- People here are too lazy to drive to San Fran but too stuck on themselves to go to Oakland.

        • Livermore- see Dublin/Pleasanton.

        • Berkeley- People here are relentless.

        • Emeryville- People here can't make up their minds on simple shit.

        • Sacramento- People here ACTUALLY think they are in the SF Bay Area.

        AIDS Walk 2008: San Francisco

        July 20th at 2:30pm;
        EVERYONE who walked, EVERYONE who donated (in person or online), EVERYONE who was there- raised $4,512,934 to become one step closer to finding the cure for AIDS.
        $2,926,055- raised online.
        $110- raised by the supporters of SOLObeatz.




        Thank you!

        Movie Review: Mama Mia

        12 July 2008

        The Blue Velvet Lounge




        So I went to this "straight" night club (right across the street from the Tribune Building) with my gentleman caller and OMG do I have a review for you!

        The reason we went was to support his friend who was performing. The moment I stepped in the building I knew that I wasn't the only homosexual standing. So, I went to the bathroom to release my bladder and I had to use a urinal (ugh). Come to find out, it didn't work. Typical, seeing how the bathroom was far from immaculate. Well, I went back to my guest and met his friend who was performing (I felt a hint of DL from his hand shake, not my type though.) and started to order a drink from the bar. The drink I always and only get is a 'White Russian' and when the female bartender looked at me and said 'How do you make that?' I sat there thinking, 'Your kidding?'

        Of course, leave it to black folks (gay or straight) to HARDLY ever start on time. The show was supposed to start at 9 and after my drink and taking in my surroundings to talk about here, it didn't jump off till, oh, 10:09pm. The band was great and I could listen to them all night, but the MC's were a bit overly obnoxious. The first act was a poet and he was fairly decent. Aside from the drunken chatter from behind me, I heard the meaning of the poems he did. It got a half of an applause from me. Immediatly following was two guys rapping. Reppin' da West Coast, they hyped up (or tried to hype up) the place. I began to notice that one of the rappers looked dead on Tony, my first love. Short and stocky, with his fitted hat and white tee. Everything. I sighed and shook my head in dispair. Needless to say, it got no applause from me.

        So this girl gets up after and when I tell you Simon Calwell would have lit into her, take a hint. She was off key through 89% of the song, did not move from the stance she was in, thought she was singing good cause she kept getting loud, and when you thought it was over, she did another song. She stood in the same position and sounded like Keisha Cole and Ashanti, both suffering with a cold. To make it worse, she was the vocal director of the place. My guest leans over and says, "Her friends are saying she is drunk, thats why she sounds like that." I thought, "THATS her excuse?" After that 'hated it' performance, it was another female singer who used the band instead of background music like all the others did. She was good. But I guess anything is better than what I just went through. She worked the room and she hit them keys right. She got a smile from me after.

        Cue another rapper to perform, and he actually got the place hype. People on the dance floor going 'dumb' and his lyrics weren't all that bad. Until his song, 'From the Ghetto.' He went from 'Bitch WORK' to 'No boo boo'. After him, they announced this "well known, famous, professional" singer on the stage, who OBVIOUSLY is a complete and utter homosexual (vers bottom if I may be blunt). But baby, he was JOOD! I actually sang along with him. I was really impressed and remind me to hunt for him on Myspace. Finally was the reason we came, my gentleman caller's friends. They were a dance group and did a series of dance steps to a mix tape they apparently made. But all in all, they were good. In sync with each other, moving and groving like they were on 'So You Think You Can Dance' or whatever show it is. I enjoyed.

        So to sum up my experience, the performances were far from heaven but no where near hell. And if I ever need to get laid, the 'straight' night club is where I will be.

        Till next time....love yourself and each other. LOL.