Change is Internal

I had a Facebook buddy of mine make a comment about the lack of homosexuality in the  movies. When he made a comment about us being the "masses" when it came to Will and Grace, my mind went to work. We may have been the masses in television but we are a minority to the world. And on top of that, Will and Grace exploited the white gay community for comedy and the world is more accepting to the feminine and non-aggressive humor that it brings. We, as the BLACK gay community, are fighting wind with water. Two opposing forces that, even thought can make a damaging change, won't ever overpower each other. 


If we as the black gay community want to create a change in the media and the world, we first need to make a change within ourselves. It's like the saying, 'You can't clean someone else's house if your house ain't clean.' That goes for change as well. I believe that with sites like Black Gay Chat and Adam thriving as it is, we will never get anywhere outside of the bubble we are stuck in. The world is being shown the negative connotations that we as a whole are nursing on and then wondering why we can't get beyond two seasons of Noah's Arc. Or why we can't find P.U.N.K.S. anywhere to buy. Or why we don't have anyone in the entertainment business thats out, black and proud. 


I heard on a television show that, the wrong thing done for the right reason is still the wrong thing. DL Chronicles, as deathly entertaining as it was, hurt the community. The book 'On The Down Low', hurt the community. We showed the world that not only can we not be trusted, but we can't be trusted to women, we can't be trusted to our family and we can't be trusted to ourselves. Even though these creators were not aiming for that, this is what the world extracted from it. They see sex, HIV, sex and no commitment. Look at how Miami Sizzle carries itself, look at how ATL Pride presents itself to you or even NYC Black Gay Pride. Meat market, sex fest and one night stands. And you wonder why the federal government won't give you the right to marry.


The white gay community actually shows the side that needs to be shown. Acceptance, love and happiness. Compare an AD for SF Gay Pride to that of Miami Sizzle. Catch my point? This is why the 'masses' for Will and Grace actually worked and the showed lasted a full eight seasons but consequently is the reason why Noah's Arc lasted two seasons and why the movie was only in 'selected' theatres. The world doesn't want to see gay black men cause their view of us has been tainted.


If we want to make the change in this world, we need to start loving ourselves, start being kinder to others, and stop thinking our shit don't stink when we are behind a computer trying to get the next lay. Its wonderful to look good, have a great body and feel great but when that's all you show to the community and the world, that's all you will be in their eyes. My late friend, Katrina, said that if a site has to ask you your HIV status and your position, it's a sex site, whether you use it for that or not. And no truer words have ever been spoken. Let's make the change today and get a life. A life outside BGC, outside Adam and Men for Now, outside of the happening gay clubs in our city. Let's actually show the world that we are about much more than sex, muscular bodies, snobbing attitudes, cliques in the club, and poor as dirt folks. Stand up and make a stand in the world, but make sure it starts in your living room.

Happy New Year~

Jonny B. Mitchell

The L Word

I love you.
I stand thinking of how many times can I just be in the dark.
Your smile keeps me warm, and your touch keeps me safe.
My thoughts wrap around your beautiful distress of mathematics
Equations and theorems G-d used to form the answer to my emptiness.
How can I make words of why my love extends past the stars?
How can I form the sentences to which you demand the story?
It just happened, the moment of time I laid eyes on you.

Love, I you.
But I stand asking where now? What now? How now?
Its morning and my tear stained cheeks have no feeling.
The dark seems to be lingering around.
Tell me, do you want me to keep praying for something?
Shall my faith keep my joy on what may the future bring,
Or what the future may bring?
My words forget formation and my periods disappear

You, I love.
The seconds, the minutes, the hours my heart beats
The days, the weeks, the months my heart cries
Why does my heart cry?
Feelings that I cannot hide
You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me.
If you won't leave me, then don't tease me.
You're the one I choose. Above all else.

Please believe me when I say,
I love you.

Unisex the Town ---> Made 4 U

After a critique and a vote, readers think that the title should of Unisex the Town actually be more inspiring. So, to go with the theme of the series (Six Feet Under- death, Sex and the City- gender NYC, etc) I have reached a FINAL verdict of the name change to Made 4 U. The first publication with this name is a screenplay done for class, which takes place in the second season of the miniseries. Enjoy and remember, it's only a screenplay, not the actual plot line.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/24289947/Made-4-U-The-Play

Break Up...easier said than done.

I can't help but blog about a recent accident that happened over the holiday. I ended my longest relationship with a man who probably loved me, but his problem was that he wasn't showing it in the manner that computed with my mind. It was just like a soap opera or something that would happen on Desperate Housewives. We had been mad at each other since the Hanukkah started and after a lot of thinking and letting my feelings do the thinking, he came in and hugged me and I said the line of death, 'I don't want to be with you anymore.'

I can't say that it was the right thing to do, but I sit here now wondering if it was. If so, why do I feel guilty? Why does it feel like a pain in my chest? Is it truly, let go and see if it comes back? Or you fucked up something potentially good for you and now you must suffer? The things about break ups is that it is easier said than done. What happens after? Pain and sorrow.....

This is what it feels like to be on the other side....

A Master Key to a Great Marriage

Written by: Mirish Kiszner

We live in a world where everyone is looking for the secret key – the key to peace, serenity, blessings, abundance, health and everything good. Can there be one master key to open any door? What would that key be and how do we get hold of it?

There was once a wealthy man who lived simply and frugally. In his old age, however, he confided in a young friend that he wanted to live his last few years in style and comfort. Since he was old-fashioned, and had no children, he asked his good friend to undertake the project of hiring home designers and skilled architects to build him a state-of-the-art mansion.

The building of the structure soon began. Foundations were laid, brick by brick, story by story, the work was progressing well. And then our young man began to look for ways to cut corners. Having lived in a simple home all his life, what would the old fellow know about fine craftsmanship and superior quality? Besides, wouldn't it be a waste of money to build himself a house for just a few years? And so, the job was completed with cheap workmanship and second-hand material disguised under layers of sparkle and glitter. Few could tell the difference.

At the housewarming party, the elderly man stood up to publicly thank his young friend for all the effort he'd invested in the building of this project. And then, surprisingly, he handed the young man the key to the house. "Oh, I'm an old man," he explained. "What use have I for this mansion? It was for you, my good friend, that I'd intended the house to be built."

In today's world, where the operating principal is WIIFM (What's in it for me?), it helps to remember that whatever we do, we do for ourselves.

Although we all need to both give and take, a person with a giving attitude places a higher priority on giving then on taking.

A giving attitude means caring sincerely about the needs and wants of your spouse. All of us have needs and when we don't receive them, resentment can eat away at us. That is why it's important to maintain a balance of giving and taking between husband and wife. Yet, by placing the spotlight on myself, on receiving as much as I can, on ascertaining that my expectations are fulfilled, my demands seen to, we lose sight of the quality of the home we are trying to build, and love departs.

The act of giving is a G‑dly attribute. G‑d's giving is pure for He lacks nothing and thus takes nothing in return. We, too, who were created in the image of G‑d, contain the sublime power of giving, enabling us to spread happiness and to give of ourselves. Every person needs to have something on which to lavish his love and affection. No one's joy is complete unless he can share it with others.

In marriage, we have many opportunities to be giving and to fill our homes with loving-kindness. Handing something to your spouse is an act of giving. Greeting him or her in a friendly manner is a kindness, forgiving your spouse for something is making giving triumph.

Though it may appear that love engenders a giving attitude (we see that one who loves another will enjoy showering him with gifts and favors), actually, giving is what brings about love. A person comes to love the one to whom he gives. As a matter of fact, the root word of ahava is related to hav, which means to give. And in the timeless words of the Talmud, "If you want to keep the love of your friends make it your concern to seek his welfare."

What a person gives to another is never lost. By giving of ourselves, we extend a part of ourselves. This is the secret that unites, the glue that bonds, the embers that kindle true love. And this love, in turn, will make us want to go on giving; not only will it fill us with the pleasure and happiness that comes from giving, it will maintain and intensify this love. When there is love and peace between husband and wife, the shechina, the divine presence, resides in their home. There is no vessel that holds blessings except peace.

Giving, then, is the master key that opens the doors to happiness and contentment. It is the key to peace, serenity, blessings, abundance, health and everything good.

Happy Holidays

As we roll around to the end of year 2009 and slowly but swiftly approach 2010, we enter the one time a year people actually show who they really are. The shopping frenzy that takes over the under paid people's mind, the "shove down your throat" decorations of Christmas, when not everyone celebrates it, the predjustice of only selling an item for ONE holiday in a month that has about 4 holidays in it. The list goes one. This holiday season let us all reflect and remember the time we shared with our loved ones, our families, our friends, and ones who have passed away.

These memories are the ones that will visit us in our time of despair, in our time of need and in our time of loneliness. We are fundamentally never alone even when we are by ourselves. As humans we have the capability to recall certain memories and its this power that can both heal and destroy us. I challenge you this holiday season; whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or Boxing Day, to live in the present, smile on the beautiful good memories, and cast away the negative one. It's a new day, and if the Mayans are correct, we have two more years to live. (laugh out loud) But honestly, why waste this time in sorrow, pain and negativity?

Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Jonny B. Mitchell

Jill Scott - He Loves Me Live - 2001

Facebook's a Nazi

So I logged onto Facebook for the umpteenth time since starting a page on it in 2005, when Facebook was only accepting people who were college students, and I get redirected to a page saying my account has been disabled. Reasons? Well, *snickers* they said that my profile picture (a jewish gay pride flag held by a member of my synagogue) was misrepresenting the Jewish Community and it violated their terms.

Huh?

I'm sorry, so MY picture that I took from MY synagogue (that not only ordains female rabbis but also opening gay rabbis) is MISrepresenting the jewish community? So, are all the "I hate Jesus" Facebook groups going to be taken down since they disturb Christians? Nope. History has proven that Nazi's only care about one thing...ridding the world of the infestation of gays and jews. It's very disturbing that they found that as a legitimate reason to disable my page, but not one profile was disabled when people had Obama as their profile pic for months (I LOVE OBAMA BTW). That was clear violation that "you are not to upload false information without persmission." None of these people were Obama and none of these people claimed to be him. Or the people who have Grey Goose as their profile picture. "You will not develop or operate a third party application containing, or advertise or otherwise market alcohol-related or other mature content without appropriate age-based restrictions."


So again, how was my JEWISH GAY PRIDE picture a violation? If Facebook can't explain this, which I know they won't, it will be time to go with the big dogs. United States Legislation department, cuz baby, I want my notes from 2005 back.

Excerpt from Unisex The Town Epi 5

"What do you remember about that night?" my therapist asked in a slow but soft voice. I tensed up trying to block the memories from flooding back.

"Pain," I finally got out, "Excruciating pain."

"Tell me about it, Kenny."

I shook my head slightly and inhaled deep. The vision came back vigorously like it had happened the other day, when in fact it was only just twelve months ago. I started spewing out details like it was vomit that my body couldn’t hold anymore. How I came home that night, William was on the couch in the dark and how a feeling of terror shot threw me when I turned on the lights. He sat there, two empty 40 ounce bottles of vodka sat on the coffee table, with a knife in his left hand.

"William, what are-?"

"Who is Clark?"

My mind swam suddenly. He was obviously drunk, but that name stung me like an angry hornet.

"Who?" I stalled but he sensed it and shot up, staggering a bit.

"Don’t fucking play games with me, Kenny! Who...is...Clark?"

I turned and rushed toward the front door, but as I opened it, William had thrown his body on it to slam it closed. Now, he was inches away from me and I was looking at his empty hands. My breathing felt heavy and I wanted to tell him the truth, but instead I chose another avenue.

"A friend." I lied and turned around to walk to the kitchen but as soon as I had done that, I immediately regretted it. It wasn’t his footsteps that I heard, but the removing of the bottle from the coffee table. When my attention snapped in attention to his direction, I felt my nose being crushed by a flying object causing me to fall into the wall behind me. Then, he started kicking me profusely and violently while he slammed my head into the wall during his breaks from kicking me. It had all happened so fast that I didn’t even have time to panic. The brief, deathly brief, moment he took to scream something that was grabbed, I took the bottle that had hit my nose and when he charged at me, I crashed the bloody object into his right temple. I heard the thud of his body but had not seen it since I was starting to panic now. When I tried to get up, his hand grabbed my ankle and all I could think about was how I ended up in this Lifetime Movie situation.

"How did you escape?" my therapist interrupted. That’s when the tears broke free and I clutched my sides, hugging myself.

"After I got up," I told him in such agony, "After he grabbed my ankle, he picked me up and threw me out the window."

Beyoncé - Single Ladies SPOOF (Barack Obama)

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Black People

I have viewed a lot over the years and the one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the lack of decency that most black people have. The media shows black people as either being really really wealthy (Real Housewives of ATL) or really really poor (The Wire) but at least in these venues, these people have some tack to them. In reality, it is a completely different story.

On the Light Rail in Sacramento today, I witnessed (as I have on the BART in Oakland) these guys who couldn't be no older than 17-18, blasting a radio with, yes you guessed it, rap. They knew each and every word and on some occasions, were louder than the radio itself. My first thought?

"Is there a part of the stereotype you don't fit into?"

Then I looked around. A white couple sat two rows behind, clinched and tight in their seats praying for their stop to come quickly. I saw a Mexican couple confused cuz they either didn't understand or they never seen a scene like this before. These black guys were obviously oblivious to their surroundings and I got irritated cuz this isn't the first place I have witnessed this kind of thing.

It seems that majority of the black, er, African American customers that I get make me wonder, is this why society doesn't like us? This majority comes in half groomed, attitude, loud and irate for no reason. If anything about their service is wrong, the entire world ends. And the other percent of African Americans who are decent, seem to find it hard to understand why these people act the way they do. No home training? World fucking them over? All I know is that we can NOT use the excuse of slavery any longer since, if you think about it, slavery should have made blacks MORE family oriented since that's all we had. But yet, we blame the "man" for holding us back. Society hates us.

Well, look at how you act.
If the majority of black people STOP trying to be Snoop Dogg, Mac Dre, TuPac, Lebron James, Allen Iverson and what have you and MAYBE try aiming for Baracks status, Ron Delums's status, Oprah's status, Martin Luther King's status, we may just be a better people. Life isn't all about fucking, smoking and rapping as you walk down the street without headphones. Use that talent for retaining information to get your degree, to manage a restaurant, to open your own legitimate business and to educate the bad asses that are coming up after us.

Then maybe we will have a hope in the sky. Just maybe....

Terrell Carter: Covered By "Shade"

So, I was told that what I am blogging about is super old news, but hey, I just heard about it and need to comment on it. I was told that Terrell Carter is indeed gay and the only way the world would've found out about it is through his ex who decided to go and post on the web pictures of them together in positions that couples would be in. (No sex pics so get your mind out the gutter.) Now, lets get down to the nitty gritty.

First, if I see Alex Cortez anywhere on the street I will personally push him down the stairs myself. Even though I am an out and proud gay man, I hate dirty, yes dirty, queens who feel the need to engage revenge on their ex boyfriends closeted status by outing them. I mean, are you jealous that he found someone ALOT more attractive than you? Alot more emotionally stable than you? Society and the down low society already hates the gay (out) community enough and by showing how immature and idiotic you can be really fuels people who SUPPORT prop 8. Especially if said exboyfriend is a celebrity. Why do you think gay stars stay within their work?

Secondly, I will always be a fan of Terrell not because he is one of me, but because he had real talent and real ambitions unlike the ball gays and the street queens who's goal get no farther than the next "major" ball or next Black Gay Pride. I am just sorry that his "Out"ing wasnt as he wanted it and that more things will come his way in the future. Bigger and better.

When all else fails, he will at least have one fan here in California.

Sacramento Not the King It Seems

As much as I love and adore the Mayor of Sacramento, I truly hate the city he has power over. I moved to Sacramento because it reminded me of home back on the east coast, but when I got here, was quickly disappointed in alot of things I saw. People in the Bay ridiculed me because I was moving to Oak Park and told me that I would need to buy a gun or keep mase on me at all times. I scoffed at them and moved anyways. When I got here, I honestly sat and wondered what all the hype was about. Unless it happened in the further most parts of Oak Park, the amount of danger I saw was equal to that of walking in Downtown Berkeley during the day. I lived in East Oakland was expecting ALOT more from what people were telling me about.

My first disappointment comes from the lack of public transportation in the city's capitol. Yes, it may not be as frequent as the Bay Area but living in two capital's in my life, this is saddening. Buses in Richmond, VA stop running at or around midnight and in Baltimore they sometimes run over night. Here? Bus stops running at or around 9 ot 10pm unless your downtown and...whew....then your waiting once an hour till like....11.

Downtown? My next rant. I recently put on Twitter, in which the Mayor assured me they were fixing, that downtown smelled like a big urine infested alley. I noticed this while I was walking from the Central library to the Light Rail station to go home. There I noticed, forgive the remarks, a bunch of black people blasting radios without headphones, being hella loud for NO apparent reason other than to be noticed, cursing hella loud (VA Beach has a no cursing law in public) again, for not apparent reason, and watching people afraid to walk by. And I thought OAK PARK WAS THE BAD AREA??

The Light Rail is my third disappointment. If you go anywhere in the country (or at least the places Ive lived) any public transportation train system allows you to pay by cash or credit card. Nope, not the Light Rail. Cash ONLY. It's like, wtf, haven't they heard that we live in 2009 now? What baffles me is that the LR goes all the way to Folsom, but not to Sacramento International Airport. BART goes to two major airports, directly to SFO and indirectly to OAK. MTA goes to JFK, TRI-RAIL goes to all three airports indirectly, MIA, FTL, PBIA, you get the picture. Why doesn't the LR go to the only major airport anywhere in the area?

I should have heeded my friend's warning when they said NOT to move here and if I do, to buy a car first. Well, sue me for not listening. But I will say that Sacramento does have some good sides, but sadly, the bad in my eyes out weighs that. So, the Kings may be a well known NBA team, but the city it self has not royal standing to me.

Jonestown Massacre: A 'Reason' to Die

Jonestown Massacre: A 'Reason' to Die

Almost three decades ago an unusual series of events led to the deaths of more than 900 people in the middle of a South American jungle. Though dubbed a "massacre," what transpired at Jonestown on November 18, 1978, was to some extent done willingly, making the mass suicide all the more disturbing.

Read more at the above link....


AND YOU WONDER WHY I STOPPED GOING TO CHURCH?

Recipe 4 A Loving Partnership

Thanks to Jonah for these words of encouragement

I am no expert, and I can’t tell you two what works for a loving marriage, as I’ve never been married. But I can tell you what I’ve learned about sharing a life with someone over ten years. A kind of love that isn’t addictive or ephemeral, but that is sustaining and palpable.

Here’s a very brief explanation of how you can arrive at this kind of love:

• Learning to shut off the part of yourself that always wants to win, to conquer, to prove, to have the final word, to feel dominant…especially when emotions are involved.
• Learning to laugh instead of cry, but continuing to cry when you feel strong enough. Allowing all forms of art to move you, stories to touch you, humanity to overwhelm you, and balancing the serious with the silly.
• To find the absurdity in tense or desperate situations, rather than to allow anger to overcome you.
• Attempting to articulate your thoughts in a way that shows you’re taking care of yourself without neglecting your partner. For me, learning how to take care of myself is maybe the most important ingredient in the whole equation. Each person needs to know their own self and depend upon that self first in order to fully support the other.
• Learning to let your fears of the future float away. It’s easy to let responsibilities overwhelm you and make you feel inadequate. It’s easy to want to be a carefree child, without anxieties. Except for me, I was a worried child, filled with self-consciousness. After reading a book called Stumbling on Happiness, I thought more about how we can never know our future selves. We think we do. We believe we know who we are today, and thus, who we will become tomorrow. And some of us don’t change all that much…but we never stay the same, either. Next year is invisible to us, regardless of how much we plan and save and strategize and minimize the risks involved. We can help ourselves get closer to “safe,” but there are larger forces which will alter our paths. These might be economic, might be social, might be spiritual, might be creative, might be familial, might be the realization of our own multiple selves. Whichever forces are involved, we have to accept that our path is yet to be determined.
• That might sound too New-Age or Zen for some, but I have found it to be true, without any actual study of Zen philosophy and without much New-Age self-help. I did recently read an interview in Tricycle where Spalding Grey interviewed the Dalai Lama (I just typed "Llama" and then googled it to make sure the holy man didn’t spell his name like the calm animal, though perhaps he should). Read this interview for entertainment as well as enlightenment.

If you follow most of these guidelines, you will last. I promise nothing more and nothing less.

Hell Mary

Four guys have been given gifts to become warriors. Each warrior spirit has a special ability synchronized with the elements of the earth. Marcus, the oldest, was given the blessing of Air. Jonathan, his brother, was given the blessing of Fire. Thomas, the family friend, was given the blessing of Water. And Samuel, Marc’s on again off again lover, has the blessing of Earth. Their mission is to defend the Seven Heavens during the battle of Armageddon, but until then, they will fight together to protect the people of Earth as;
The Olympian Spirits: Brotherly Bond

The clouds parted around the full moon on Halloween eve, shining on the town of Chester, Mississippi. Winds blew gently through the woods and leaves danced in the wind as three teenage kids ran toward the graveyard with kerosene lanterns at their sides. The air filled with their giggles and commands to hurry. One boy carried a mirror in his free hand, another had a hammer and a box of nails, and the only girl carried a spirit board. They ran through the trees till their trail led them to a cast iron gate, separating the graveyard from the Forrest. Each kid was unique to their group. Jeremy, the mirror carrying boy, was fifteen, wore glasses and was fairly dark in complexion. He had a fade and always wore a Miami Heat baseball cap. Louis, was the oldest, almost seventeen. He was Hispanic and had curly black hair. Angela was a brunette and had a pale complexion. She always kept her hair in a pony tail.

Jeremy pushed the gate open with the force of his back and the three of them snuck in slowly. Louise pointed to his left and the rest followed.

“We could get into a lot of trouble for this.” Jeremy whispered.

“Said the kid who opened the gate.” Louise mocked. Jeremy rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious, what if there is a killer on the loose and he just so happened to be strolling through the graveyard.”

“Oh, don’t be such a worry wart, Jeremy.” Angela joked, “Besides, if anyone tries to mess with us, we can put a spell on them.”

“I’m not a witch.” Jeremy cried.

“What are you?” Angela asked.

“I’m Baptist.”

Louise and Angela started laughing as Jeremy shushed them.

“It’s not funny you guys,” he cried. Louise stopped.

“We’re here. The grave of Mary Worth.”

They looked at the tombstone in front of them and gazed in a mix of fear and excitement. Angela dropped the spirit board on top of the grave and signaled for Louise to hang the mirror up on the tree behind it. Jeremy sighed and reluctantly handed over the mirror.

“You wouldn’t have come this far if you weren’t interested.” Louise remarked.

The clouds swarmed around the moon as the winds started to pick up slowly. Louise placed his lantern beside the tombstone and proceeded to nail the mirror onto the tree. Angela sat down in front of the board with her legs crossed. Jeremy sighed and slowly sat, facing the mirror. Louise joined the duo and laughed.

“If this ain’t the best Halloween, I don’t know what is.” He yelled.

“It ain’t Halloween till tomorrow, Louise.”Angela corrected, “Three hours from now.”

“Then why are we here again?” Louise questioned.

“Because it’s said that on the eve of All Hallows Eve, Mary Worth, the strongest witch in this part of the Mississippi, can be raised. But only for a day. Halloween.”

“How do we call her?” Jeremy asked.

“I don’t know, I didn’t get that far.”

“Angie, you got us out here in the cold and you didn’t think to finish research?” Jeremy yelled, standing up.

“That’s why I brought the board, stupid. So at least we can ask the spirits how to find her.”

“Oh.” Jeremy sat down.

“Now, we grab hands.” She ordered. When the triangle was formed, the winds whistled loudly through the night. Angela closed her eyes and lifted her head toward the moon.

“OH GREAT SPIRITS, HEAR ME! HEAR OUR CALL! LEAD US TO MARY WORTH, ONCE AND FOR ALL!” Angela chanted. Jeremy looked at Louise and mouth, ‘Once and for all?’ Louise giggled. The winds picked up heavily and blew over the board as Angela chanted louder. Jeremy looked around in fright and Louise shut his eyes tight. When Angela finished the chant the third time, the winds abruptly stopped. She opened her eyes and lowered her head.

“Oh my god,” she gasped. Jeremy and Louise looked down at the board that had the words, ‘Bloody Mary’ inscribed on it.

“That wasn’t like that before.” Angela commented.

“Who did that?” Jeremy asked, shaking. Louise smirked.

“You scare easily, don’t you?”

Before Jeremy responded, he looked up at the mirror and saw a glimpse of a face. He screamed and jumped back. Frantically, he pointed to the mirror but when his friends looked over, they saw nothing.

“The…there was a, uh, a face…” he cried, hyperventilating. Louise went and patted Jeremy on the back.

“Think we should go?” He asked Angela. She shook her head in disappointment.

“Why not?”

“But, but what about the face? And the inscription?”

“I wrote that to scare you.” Angela confessed, picking up the board and her lantern.

“But the face…”

“There was no face,” Louise stated sternly, “You just don’t handle your fear well. Although it was funny when you screamed.”

The two laughed as Jeremy walked to the mirror pissed, yanked it off the tree and walked away. The two ran after him, still in laughter.

The clock struck fifteen minutes till midnight, and Jeremy sat in the tub thinking about that face he saw. It was real and he knew it. He rested his head on his palm and sighed. Maybe he did scare easily and he was just imagining things. Maybe he was letting his imagination get the best of him.

“Now.”

He looked over at the mirror in question, then in front of him at the door.

“Mom, did you say something?” he called, but got no answer.

“MOM?” He called louder.

No answer.

Abruptly, he heard the clock stick midnight and as the chimes went off, the lights flickered. He heard a hissing sound coming from underneath the door. He quickly grabbed his glasses off the floor and stood up.

“If this is your idea of a joke, its-“

The lights shut off and left him standing naked in the dark. He panicked and called for his mom but got no answer. He heard the voice say ‘now’ again as one light bulb flickered violently. For some reason, he felt pulled to the mirror and compelled to speak.

“Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Blood Mary…”

Quickly, he gained control and covered his mouth. The flickering bulb sustained a dim lit now. He stared in horror at the mirror as he heard faint laughter and then the face he saw earlier appeared. He tried to scream but couldn’t do anything but cry. The face was scratched up and bloody. Her hair was dark and stiff. Her laugh appeared as a jackal.

“Now,” she whispered. Jeremy cried in fear and fell against the wall.

“Bloody Mary, I release you.” He reluctantly chanted. He grabbed his head and screamed. Bloody Mary let a shriek of laughter and stuck her heard slowly out of the mirror. Then, her hands and lastly, her body. She stood nude, dripping in blood. Her body was wrinkled and badly scratched and bruised. Her nails were chipped and her teeth were stained with blood. She looked at Jeremy and smiled. Abruptly, he heard his mother banging on the door.

“Jeremy, open the door!” she yelled in panic.

“Mom, no!”

But before he could say anything else, Mary blasted the door off the hinges causing his mom to go flying into the wall. Jeremy tried to get up but his body was frozen in fear. Mary walked toward his aching mom as she screamed in terror. Mary reached down and jammed her two fingers into the woman’s eye socket.

“MOM!”

Mary laughed and flung the body down the steps. She turned and looked at the frightened and naked teenager.

“What do you want?” he asked, still pinned to the floor.

“You know who sealed me into the mirror. Take me to them.”

“What?”

Mary screamed and flew toward Jeremy yelling at her loudest, shattering the windows and all the reflective surface areas in the house.

“The Spirits!”

To be continued......

Love Isn't A Timed Emotion

How many times have you heard the phrase 'love at first site' or 'falling in love'? How many times have you heard the rebuttal, 'how can you love them, you've known them for such and such weeks'? I have been thinking about this and thought it was time to shed some light on this topic. Love is an emotion, just like anger, stress, happiness and sadness are emotions. Correct me if I am wrong, but I've never heard of someone waiting till 6 months before they got angry with someone or a year before they became happy. Granted, there are people who are slow to anger, there are people who barley get sad, and there are people who stay stressed, at the same time there are people who become rageful at the drop of a dime, sad at every little thing and so on and so forth. So if this is the case, why are there guidelines and time lines on when someone can LOVE another person? Yes, there are people who abuse the verb and there are people who lie on account of this word, but the same can be said for every other emotion under the sun.

Love isn't a timed emotion and it is a beautiful feeling to experience, with and without the drama that comes with it. So even though there are people who have different thoughts, feelings and opinions on LOVE in general (about as much debate are gay marriage in the gay community, too), never tell someone what they are feeling, simply because you are NOT them. If someone was sad and depressed, crying, would you tell them that they aren't sad?

The defense rests, your honor.

California Dreamin

California isn't without it's problems and drama, but I must admit that out of all the places I have lived this is where I've seen the most considerate, polite and nice people ever. For instance, I saw a lady approach a newsstand and tell the guy behind the stand she owed him for yesterday and gave him a dollar, since the paper was 50 cents. Another time was when the BART train was derailed in the Transbay tube for an hour and there was a guy who made conversation with people who were petrified, easing their minds. The citizens of Oakland protest at the ugly killing of a young boy. The residents of Castro Street toned down their lifestyle for families with children to move in. A woman at the back of the bus gets off to help the bus driver help a disabled woman on the bus when it stopped working.

It's refreshing to see the people actually helping each other and caring about another life other than their own. Happiness doesn't come from other's around you, it comes from you and the ability to ignite it back out to shine. So I don't care what I go through here or what tragedy occurs, or what people think of this place, I LOVE CALIFORNIA and don't plan on leaving no time soon.

Unisex The Town Update

Hey fans, supporters and rockstars...lol...

Unisex The Town Episodew 5 will be on hold till the uprooting of A Solobeatz Production from the Bay Area is completed. This, in part, will delay further episodes and publication of the first season till later on in the year. Don't worry my loves, we will resume as soon as the new production studio is completed and ready for launch. Thank you and take care!

Jonny B. Mitchell

Gay Science of Relationships

So it has appeared to me that most gay men have a completely different view on relationships and love than our counterparts, the straights. Most gay men feel that relationships should entail having sex before committing to each other (the whole, test drive before you buy mentality), while others, very few, hold the traditional values of waiting and getting to know someone first. Granted, men in general are scientifically proven to be more sexual than woman, the thought can't seem to leave my mind, why is it that gay men have a problem withholding from sex before commitment but straight guys seem to be okay with it when women say no? Maybe it's just me, maybe I am only seeing one side of it, but I feel that regardless of what happens between a person, sex should be the last aspect to explore. Now, that gays have a right to marry, why not wait till the relationship part to have sex and during the initial meeting (dates) kick back and enjoy each other?

Another thing gay people have a problem with is the past. We all have a past and if that past shows up with your future love interest, dealing with your own past prior will help deal with someone else's past, especially if the past is defiantly in the past. However, never doubt your instincts, but don't misinterpret instincts going off for insecure thoughts being made. BIG difference. We as a gay community should bring the traditional values back to our love life and I guarantee it won't be any different than the straights but it will be a lot easier. If only this could happen, but as long as Adam4Adam, BGC, Manhunt and Men4Now are still alive and kicking, our community, much like the DOW, will continue to plummet downward. And we wonder why our community is filled with hatred, bigotry, attitudes and self righteousness. Its time to grow up and understand the gay science of relationships is self love and respect.

"If you don't love yourself, how the hell you gon love someone else? Can I get an amen?" ~RuPaul

Amen, Miss Paul, Amen!

Scared of Lonely

I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me,
I'm scared of lonely.

I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely, And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe.
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely

I cry at night 'cause my baby's too far to be by my side
To wipe away these tears of mine so I hold my pillow tight
To imagine you I'll stretch your hand looking for mine
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I need your break when nobody is around
'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness
I think I'm drowning, I can't be lonely
And I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

There Still Are Good People on Earth

Leap to Track. Rescue Man. Clamber Up. Catch a Train.

Written By: MICHAEL WILSON

Subway heroes, as they are inevitably tagged even before the grease from the tracks is rubbed off, come along every now and then — indeed, as the story of Chad Lindsey suggests, perhaps more often than we know.

Minutes after rescuing a man who had fallen onto the subway tracks at the Penn Station stop on Monday, Mr. Lindsey managed to melt back into the anonymity of the city, escaping the notice of the police, paramedics and subway workers.

“I’m of many minds of being in the spotlight,” he said after a call from this reporter, whose short account of the accident on The New York Times’s City Room blog on Monday prompted one of Mr. Lindsey’s friends to disclose his identity on Tuesday. “But what the hey,” he said.

Mr. Lindsey, 33, is from Harbor Springs, Mich. He moved to New York City three years ago and settled in Woodside, Queens.

Fred R. Conrad/The New York TimesChad Lindsey, 33, near the subway tracks where he lifted an injured man to safety as a train approached on Monday. Then he went on his way.

He can take it from there:
“I was waiting for the C,” he said from his office on West 30th Street, where he works as a proofreader. “I’m an actor — shocker.”

He said almost everyone seems to be an aspiring actor nowadays, but in this case, it is a critical point to the story: Mr. Lindsey currently appears in an Off Broadway show called “Kasper Hauser,” in a role that requires him to repeatedly lift a character who cannot walk.

On Monday, as he waited for the train, about 2:30 p.m., he was thinking ahead to the reading he was heading to. “I’m kind of zoned out, and I saw this guy come too quickly to the edge,” he said. “He stopped and kind of reeled around. I felt bad, because I couldn’t get close enough to grab his coat. He fell, and immediately hit his head on the rail and passed out.”

Mr. Lindsey said he sensed a train was approaching, because the platform was crowded. “I dropped my bag and jumped down there. I tried to wake him up,” he said. “He probably had a massive concussion at that point. I jumped down there and he just wouldn’t wake up, and he was bleeding all over the place.”

He looked back up at the people on the platform. “I yelled, ‘Contact the station agent and call the police!’ which I think is hilarious because I don’t think I ever said ‘station agent’ before in my life. What am I, on ‘24’?”

The man wouldn’t wake up, he said. “He was hunched over on his front. I grabbed him from behind, like under the armpits, and kind of got him over to the platform. It wasn’t very elegant. I just hoisted him up so his belly was on the platform. It’s kind of higher than you think it is.”

He stole a glance toward the dark subway tunnel that was becoming ominously less dark, with the glow on the tracks, familiar to all New Yorkers, signaling an approaching train.

“I couldn’t see the train coming, but I could see the light on the tracks, and I was like, ‘I’ve got to get out of this hole.’ ”

He remembered the subway hero of 2007, Wesley Autrey, who jumped on top of a man who was having a seizure on the tracks and held him down in the shallow trench between the rails as the subway passed over them. “I was like, ‘I am not doing that. We’ve got to get out of here.’ ”

People on the platform joined the effort. “Someone pulled him out, and I just jumped up out of there,” he said. With time to spare: “The train didn’t come for another 10 or 15 seconds or something.”

The man lay bleeding on the platform, and the police arrived. Mr. Lindsey soon got on another train. A large group of riders who had been on the platform entered the subway car with him, smiling and clapping him on the back and saying thank you.

“Then I sort of freaked out, and I was nervous and shaky. These five women opened their purses and gave me Handi-Wipes. I was covered in blood and dirt from the subway tracks.”

The fallen man was taken to St. Vincent’s Hospital Manhattan and was later released.
The police identified him late Tuesday afternoon as Theodore Larson, 60, of the Bronx.
Mr. Lindsey, of course, never learned the man’s name. His story told, he said goodbye, adding, “It was quite a New York day.”

Al Baker and Trymaine Lee contributed reporting.

A version of this article appeared in print on March 18, 2009, on page A20 of the New York edition.

Powerful Words I

There's a saying that many kids say to help them cope with being made fun of. One that once we become adults, can't seem to understand why it affects us so much.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

As we get older we realize that everything on earth is made of matter, matter is turned into atoms and molecules, these are turned into a solid, liquid, gas or plasma. So what do we think words are? Something so powerful, we can't understand why, when it happens, is it happening to us. Even in joking, words eventually manifest themselves into something solid. Whether you believe it or not, it's a matter of science and mental health.

"The economy is so fucked up, I WONT find a job," "I'm so sick, I'm dying," "I will never find a man, woman, love, etc..."

Words can hurt us worse than sticks and stones, seeing how scars from sticks and stones heal within days, words stay with us for years, and years to follow. It is true that actions speak louder than words, but words are powerful enough on their own. So let's watch our words and speak positive things into our coming future, our endearing present and our unforgotten past.

U Sex and the Town Episode 4

Episode 4

Browns' All Around

So I feel compelled to speak about the Chris Brown/ Rihanna situation and give my side of the story of it. As a victim of domestic violence I can relate to Rihanna's feelings not being changed as people would have hoped. Its hard to leave someone that YOU love regardless of how they hurt you, physically or mentally. As much as I hate the sappy Lifetime woman beater movies, they have some relevance to them. Its not till we have taken all we can and get that energy and power bottled up deep to just up and leave. Look at 'Enough' with Jennifer Lopez. A little over the top, but the principal aspect is true.

Its easy for someone who hasn't ever been in that situation, or someone who is stronger than their abuser to spectate and say, "Why be dumb and stay?" or "If he really loved you..." but as I say before, everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson from this painful relationship that Rihanna must learn, and who knows what the Universe has in store for them.

Lastly, we compare Chris Brown to the other Browns' (James and Bobby) but condemn Rihanna for staying. Did we forget that James's first marriage was 16 years, his next one 11, third one 12 years and his last one being 5 years. And Whitney? 1992-2007. And if we want to get spiritual, Juanita Bynum was in her abusive relationship since the early 80s and ended it not till the 90s and her last one was from 2002-2007. So lets get off of Rihanna's case and pray that she gets strength and wisdom from her attack instead of sending her judgment and guilt.

Now run tell that, thanks!

To Krys

Dated October 2nd

To my dearest sweet Krys,

I love you buddy and I miss you. I feel so horrible because I didn’t call you like I should have. And I knew something was wrong when you stopped signing on yahoo messenger and stopped calling me back. I just figured you went to Miami like you said you were and just didn’t call no one. It wasn’t until 2 nights ago I had this overwhelming feeling to call you. I left a message saying I was worried and then the next day you mother calls me and tells me your dead. You died of kidney failure. You’ve been on dialysis for over a year and I know it must have been hard. I love you and miss you much. I am so sorry for not being there when you needed. Please forgive me.

Your little Buddy,

Jonny

Serenity Prayer

Theres a prayer intended to give strength to ppl faced with circumstances they don't want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from its insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against against the hand that life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowardly and afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear u and answer ur prayer. The bad news is that sometimes, the answer is no.

"We ask God to grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. The courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Day 7

Today is the day and last night was off the fucking chain, excuse the french. If you haven't viewed B-TV # 6 'Birthday Bash' then you are truly missing the experience. It was funny how it all started out crazy and disorganized, but came together at the very very end. My best friend was supposed to be here Friday but complications with her mothers health kept her in Stockton till yesterday. So, she was suppose to be here yesterday morning to cook me a birthday breakfast but that didnt really happen till my actual birthday. I was suppose to get my hair redone at 2 and expected to be out the house at 330, but the fates had it that my hair stylist to come at 12 cuz it took her 2 hours to redo it. I got my last minute party favors and headed out the door to meet others at the BART station in El Cerrito.
We got to the Mint and even thought 15 people RSVP'd, I was glad to just kick it with the 6 that showed up. We took the house down and my only present I asked for was a drink. There was a dark man with 23 year old dreads who sung me 2 songs, one was Prince 'Little Red Corvette' and something else, and bought me a drink. I had another white man sing me a song and also bye me a drink and the place gave me a free drink with a naked man on the side.......of the glass. I sung my two favorite songs in the entire world, 'Get Me Bodied' by Beyonce and 'And I Am Telling You' the Jennifer Holiday version.
We ended the night at dinner and was astonished that Mel's Diner charges 5 dollars for a side of bacon. NEVER AGAIN!!! But all in all, it was a wonderful night. I want to thank all of my friends and loved ones who wished me a happy birthday yesterday and today. I love you all.

B-TV #6

Day 6

Mission one I'ma put this on
When he see me in the dress I'ma get me some
Mission two Gotta make that call
Tell him get the bottles poppin' when they play my song
Mission three Got my three best friends
Like we do it all the time we gone do it again
Mission four Got the vintage Rolls Drop a couple hundreds tell him leave it at the door

Mission five Skip to the front of the line
Let me fix my hair up 'fore I go inside
Mission six Gotta check these chicks 'Cause you know they gone block when I take these flicks Mission seven Gotta make my rounds
Given eyes to the guys now I think I found him
Mission eight Now we conversate And we can skip small talk let's get right to the chase

I ain't worried doing me tonight A little sweat ain't never hurt nobody
While ya'll standin' on the wall I'm the one tonight Getting bodied
Want my body You want my body You should see my body
I gotta know enough to know if you can get me bodied I'm kinda tight,
I'm feeling right enough to see somebody
I wanna let it off tonight
Wanna dance, wanna party wanna be myself tonight

Baby all I want is to let it go Ain't no worries, no, We can dance all night
Get me bodied That means come closer to me
While we grind to the beat And your body's touching my body
All I need is to let it be Ain't no worry, no Boy dance with me
Feel my body Don't stop just come closer to me
While we grind to the beat With your body touching my body

Day 5

As we draw near to the day of days, I have so many ideas in my head for my party and the upcoming year of my life. I am preparing for a big change and a huge move that's about to happen and these next few days will help me get ready.

I want to thank all my friends and supporters who have helped me get this far. You are greatly loved and appreciated. When we get big and loud, we will change the blog world and slowly everything else. Now, I sound like Obamas campaign. YAY!!! YES WE CAN!!!

"Give me love or give me nothing"

Day 4

Aquarius/Pisces are often multitalented, both in scientific and creative endeavors. They are unique and rebellious people who are driven to change the world. However, they can be shy, quiet and sometimes elusive, refusing to show their true selves. They are modest and thoughtful, sometimes displaying remarkable musical talent. Their freedom is important to them, and they are often driven to help others become free, as well.

The great strength of the Aquarius/Pisces is in their visionary nature and their compassion. They are the people who take the world to the next level; they make others see things in a new light. Their ability to break the rules and help others reach their fullest potential makes them one of the most understanding characters of the zodiac.

"Please dont stop the music"

Day 3

Half way mark to the finish line. 22 years will be over and baby new year of 23 will be arriving. There’s just something about rainy days that have my mind in overdrive and the small things that would normally wash away on any given Sunday, meld into my spirit and cause me to over do everything. Over analyze, over-think, overcompensate, overreact, etc. But now the sun is back and out and I am back on track.

One of my best friend is coming out to see me for my birthday and I couldn’t be happier if it is only just me and her. Nevertheless, its human nature to want to be the center of attention amongst folks who you know on a day that especially made for you. Remember kiddies, the party starts at 5 and I’m taking my drunk ass home at 9. So don’t try to be cute, and be fashionably late to make an entrance cuz you will get left. That being said, I need to go and find an outfit and get my thoughts together for my big birthday speech.

Thanks all.

“I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does”

Reading of Chris Brown

written by Son of Baldwin

What's frightening to me is that there are people who believe that Rihanna could have done something to "provoke" Chris or that she somehow might have done something to "deserve" the beating he gave her.

I don't care if he caught her fucking his brother in his mother's bed, no one has the right to put their hands on another person. Even if he was fending off an attack from Rihanna, the proper response isn't to beat her into unconsciousness. The decent response is to get as far away from her as possible and call the authorities. That's what anyone who would dare call themselves a man would do. All of the individuals saying that they would have done the same thing in Chris' situation, I simply cannot regard as real men. Half-men, maybe. Monsters definitely. But not real men.

What Chris did was the unmanliness thing imaginable: beat the shit out of a woman that is clearly no match for him, rendered her unconscious, and then left the scene of the crime. And his response, like every other guilty person throughout history, is to "apologize" (and it wasn't even an apology; he said he was sorry for "what happened" as though it was someone other than him that beat Rihanna down) and then suddenly claim God and religion and call on the name of Jesus to garner public sympathy.

It's so tired, but it's going to work. After all, Chris is a handsome young man and nobody garners public sympathy and instant forgiveness like a good looking young man--no matter what act he commits. And shit, all you have to say is "Jesus" and every Christian in the sound of your voice is going to protect and defend you. Because being a Christian doesn't require much thought, it just requires that you follow along like a lamb.

-Son of Baldwin

Day 2

I am no superman. I can not do this all on my own. Lord give me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cant and the wisdom to know the difference.

"Rain rain go away..."

Day 1

The last Monday of my 22nd year from birth is a slow and rainy one. I am sifting out who I want in my life still and also making sense of the sitcom my life has become. Granted the 22nd will just be another day in the Universe, it will mark a day I will enter another year, LESS stressed and less dramatically filled.

"Its my week and I will cry if I want to."

Countdown Begins

As we draw nigh to the 23rd celebration of my life, feelings and excitement swell up in the temples of my head. You would think it would be in my heart, but no such luck. My head is swimming with ideas for themes and fears of a poor turn out. I have made peace with my best friends not being able to attend, seeing how distance is a major factor, but we will celebrate times two when we can. Nevertheless, its exciting to be this far in my life when ppl said I wouldn't make it to see this age, and given the fact that I have health issues, it really brings tears to my eyes. I thank my guardian deity for protection and guidance and for the real friends that I do have. I thank my deity for allowing me to be in the area in which I love with all my heart and have a house in my name and no one elses.

Thus the countdown begins as we prepare to launch on a very special day. T-minus 7 days....

Friends, Dating and Inbetween

Most people who are stuck on one definition of relationships are in for nothing more than heartbreak, heartache and confusion. There are steps to getting to know someone, whether that ends up romantically or just platonically, so don't kid yourself to thinking there isn't. When you first meet someone, you are at a cross road for a decision. Do I want to be with this person or do I just want to be friends, or even do I want to deal with them? Whatever the answer is, the underlying reason is the same, 'let me get to know this person better'. When that happens, you understand what you want from person A and proceed to go for it. The confusion and whatnot happens when person B wants something different. Before I continue let me clear something up.

Once you answer the basic question of wanting to deal with this person, if you are trying to be romantically involved with person B then you must understand that there are steps:

• First, for any relationship to flourish as well as you dream of, it is imperative that you start out as friends. This being said, its almost impossible to get hurt if the other says he isn't feeling you on that level and would want to remain......friends.
• Secondly, the term 'talking to' is the same as 'dating'. Here you are still single and still free to mingle and talk to, or date, whomever. Respect needs to arise and inform said people of each other so if a relationship does happen between one of you, there is no, 'Well why didn't you tell me?' drama.
• Then, once you see that you really like this person and you guys mesh well, you enter the stage of a relationship. Here, it is illegal in the relationship handbook to continue your ties with others. Or in layman's term, cheating, since being in a relationship is a commitment, not a game.

So before any of this takes place, understanding and openness is the key to a lasting friendship if nothing else. This is essential if person A is talking to a person B and C and it just so happens that person B and C are close friends. Now, in the technical sense of this situation its perfectly fair and nothing wrong with dating people who know each other. I mean, come on, we live in the same area, we are bond to know the same people. The issue, however, arises, when one person doesn't like that you're talking to their friend. Most people would wonder if there was any past feelings between the friends B and C and ask why is it an issue. Most people would say, person A is single so get over it. However, in the gay sense of things, people claim other people and EXPECT everyone else to abide by these rules and if they are not kept, then its marked messy and you are marked a bad person.

The truth of the matter is that life is 10% of things that happen to us and 90% of how we respond to it. If you end a friendship over someone you are interested in who chose your friend, that makes you the weak one and not them. Build a bridge, accept their happiness and move on. I mean, if it was some other Joe Blow off the street, would it really matter or would you still have a friend?

Exactly.

Saint Valentine's Day

For years I despised this holiday. I hated the very thought of this day. I dreaded February 13th ending, making it the 14th. I had these emotions for years and years dating back to high school. Recently, I learned to hate it over my last few ex's who never took part in the holiday with ME.

But now 2009, its a new day.

Friday, February 6th, I began to tap into an energy and power in me that I had forgot was there. During the "hurricane season" that I experienced last year, I lost touch of my inner spirit and the power it posses. But on this Friday, I not only attracted happiness, I attracted money, love, sharing and a rainbow. Yes, a rainbow. There was nothing like it ever. Typically when we see a rainbow, we either see a half of it, or bits an pieces of it. But this one was over the Fremont Bart Station, stretching from one mountain to the next. No half, no pieces...just full. That night, I watching a video on YouTube that had me crying balls of tears like I had just seen a sad movie. This man was disabled and couldn't get around but he was giving a testimony about how he hung in there and never gave up. What got my attention was the passage from the bible he used was the exact one I post on here for inspiration. When he was done, I was a mess. So I felt even more powerful and decided to put my order back on the line for a man. Shit, if I can attract a rainbow, I damn sure better be able to get a man.

So I gave the list that I wanted my man to have. Muscular body, i added at the very least he could be athletically build, caring, loving, humor, funny, affectionate....you know the works. But one thing I failed to mention was that he be ready and willing to be in a relationship. SOOOO, Saturday as I am cleaning, I get a call from this guy who I completely forgot about from when I first moved to Cali, wanted to take me out. On a new high off life, I agreed and when I hung up it smacked me in the face that EVERYTHING I put out last night, this man was. He was muscular, not the big body building types, the perfect muscle type, funny, caring, kind...blah blah.

Now when I get to the City (San Fran), I get off the BART and there is some guy walking by me and he smiled and waved. Normally, I would have just smiled and walked away but something in me broke. I smiled, walked away but stopped dead in my tracks and was like, what if the Universe sent him? So I did an about face and approached this out of the blue guy. I asked him for directions (knowing already where I was going) and he had the most charming smile I ever seen. Well, I didn't get his name cuz I thought if it was meant, that Id see him again. At least I approached him and proved to the Universe that I didn't neglect him. Now, the date was superb. He was a perfect gentlemen, opened doors for me, ordered for me, placed his hand on the small of my back, the works. We talked for hours and before I knew it, it was one o clock in the morning and I had got to the city at six.

Once I left the date, it was all like a dream. I loved the feeling I felt, the high I was one and was really asking myself, was this joy real? Not since Dax, have I went on a date with a guy that I had no expectations for and no aim to what was going to happen next. At least I was that powerful to attract what I wanted. May not be what I need, but it damn sure is what I want. So this Valentine's Day I will be in such a joyous mood and even IF I am alone on this day, I will def. not be lonely.

That much I can say to be true!

B-TV #5 "Valentine's Day Affirmation"

Broadcast Television brings you the fifth installment of the series. Join Jonny B. Mitchell as he brings you the new 'Poetry Corner' and gives you affirmations to enjoy the upcoming Valentine's Day...

Do Not Cry

Dedicated to Krys, Glennie and Katrina; all whom were close and have passed on.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glimpse of snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumns rain.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die

U Sex and the Town Episode 3

Episode 3

Birthday Bash

Today was my dear friend Maurice Jamal's birthday and we all met at the Elephant Bar to mix and mingle. The atmosphere was immediately a warm and funny one and the night ran for three hours long and we didn't even realize it. We talked about Obama and the craze America is going through and how the bailout should consist of Obama products. Selling that on Ebay will get us out the hole. How many people do you know owns an Obama T-shirt, picture, key chain, boxers, panties, bras?

We talked about the olden days about Battle of the Network Stars (before my time, of course), UHF televisions, the theme parties and my mother being the head of the Sandwich Ministry in her church. All in all, I smiled so hard and laughed so hard that my muscles started aching. I haven't laughed and enjoyed company like that for so long. Thank You Maurice and Happy 25th Birthday...again. LOL.

Excerpt from 'U, Sex and the Town' Episode 3

I never could understand why men do the things that they do or say the things they say. Even when William left me the first time, the excuses and reasons men give to avoid you have never ceased to amaze me. It was my last day off of work from the emergency leave I had stored up from over the years and I was to return on Friday. I didn’t mind the time off and enjoyed the amount of time I had to recollect on my life and the people in it. Leon was one of the people I thought about. He was average height for his age, standing at five nine for a twenty seven year old. He was fairly skinny, but was more muscle than fat and he kept his perfect brown skin smooth by shaving ever other day. The thing I loved most about him was that he always kept his hair cut up to date. Never a missed appointment with his barber. For months at a time, we hung out and made love with each other. We spent majority of the weeks together and our favorite spots to cuddle were Berkeley Hills and Berkeley Marina. It wasn’t until a few months into our dating game when he informed me that there was someone else he was talking to, but didn’t want me to leave because he didn’t know who to choose between. Most people in their right minds would have said fuck him and left, but apparently I wasn’t in my right mind. I stayed with him, fucked him day or night, and ended up loving him after that only to get a call Monday night saying he was choosing the other guy. I was never going to call or deal with him again, until I got the news that forced me to make this date with Leon and see him one last time. We met early afternoon at a Thai place called Cho Thai Cuisine over by Lake Merritt. It was small and quaint but very secretive.

“To be honest, I didn’t think I would have seen you again, Kenny.” Leon started, after he hugged me and sat down. I smiled nervously and cleared my throat.

“What did you expect me to do? Stay around?” I asked.

“I mean, you never know what may happen with me and Rick.”

“Oh, his name is Rick.”

“Yes, he is wonderful.”

And mark the first slap in my face for the day and cue the waiter appearing out of nowhere.

“Would you two gentlemen like anything to drink?” he asked in his Middle Eastern American mixed accent. I looked at Leon, who was searching for a drink section on his menu.

“It’s on the inside flap,” I informed as he opened the menu up and lit up with joy.

“Yes, I would like a glass of your Petit Verdot.” Leon ordered.

“And I just want a glass of Merlot.” I added. The waiter nodded and walked away.

“You come here a lot I take it.” Leon continued as I searched the menu for what I wanted.

“They have a killer peanut butter dip that I could have a whole order of.” I laughed and quickly raced in my mind how I was going to break the news to him before the waiter came back. I was afraid that I would get the same coldness I did from Chris last night, but figured I wouldn’t know unless I just said it.

“Leon, to be truthful with you, after the message you left me, I wasn’t going to see you ever again.” I slowly started. The waiter returned with our drinks and informed us that he would return after he helped the other couple who just walked in.

“Well, then why are you here? You still love me after this?” Leon sipped his red wine as I inhaled deeply.

“Of course, that will never change, but I just found out that I am sick.” I got out, looking dead in his face with fear. He raised his left eye brow.

“Sick? What do you mean?”

I took a big gulp of my wine now.

“I am HIV positive.” I whispered, “And because we’ve been sexual, I thought you
should know.”

“How long have you been positive?” he asked sternly, slowly placing his glass down.

“I’ve known for a couple of days now, but I’ve been positive for over a year.”

“A YEAR?” he blurted out.

“Did you not hear me say that I’ve known for a couple of days?” I asked, still at a whisper, "I got tested before I moved here, but left in a rush before the results came back."

“You could have affected me? And now you tell me? Is this some sort of a joke?”

“First of all, we always used protection.” I defended.

“And?”

“And, as soon as I found out, I came and told you.”

Leon shot up from the table, almost knocking over his wine.

“Now I have to take time out of my life to go get tested, and Rick too, because you weren’t smart enough to keep up with your records and so help me, if I am sick, I will ruin you.” He muttered in my ear. I sighed out of frustration and stood up to meet him.

“I suppose that this will be the last time I ever see or hear from you again.” I asserted quietly and forcefully, “But I would’ve thought you would have been more understanding to my feelings.”

“Fuck you.” He hissed and walked out of the restaurant. I slowly sat down at the table and rested my head on my left palm. The waiter returned all apologetic.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Just keep the Merlot coming,” I informed, swallowing the rest of my wine and reaching for Leon’s glass. Yes, I never could understand why men do the things that they do or say the things they say. And it was conclusive that they were not going to stop amazing me even after Leon had left.