It's Way Past Time

Marriage equality for all, religious tolerance in all and complete deterioration of hate by all. It's by a nonprofit in Australia, getupaustralia, supposed to debunk claims that gay marriage would derail the alleged sanctity of marriage. Now its time to make this beautiful, G-d sent video go viral all over the world. Ken yehi ratzon!

Donate to put on Australian tv: http://tiny.cc/gkuwp
Sign petition: http://www.getup.org.au/marriagematters

Can 'I Love You' Be Too Soon?

We live in a society that, for the most part, is run by religious institutions. These institutions tell you how to live, how to talk, how to live your life, what to do and what not to do. But none of these religious doctrines’ tell you how long it is acceptable to wait before saying 'I love you' to your partner.

So...

Can saying 'I love you' ever be said too soon?

Looking at text ranging from the Harlem Renaissance even as far back as the Biblical stories told, there is nothing that tells us how long to wait before love is acceptable to be voiced. William Shakespeare had all of his main leads quickly fall in love. Even characters from the Bible have no regards for length of time for love. The moment Jonathan saw David, he loved him and made sure David had everything. Even a chest to cry on before they split up because of the envious father. Jacob hadn't seen Rachel for all but ten minutes before he loved her and was willing to work 7 years and 1 week before he married Rachel, and then was willing to work 7 more years after he married Rachel. Samson hadn't known Delilah for a day and loved her, not knowing she was after much more and he ended up committing suicide after.

Even after all of these stories are told, we still are left with that nagging question: Is it okay to say those 3 words even if time hasn't lapsed? In the gay community, it is frowned upon. You will hear things like 'That's not love, its lust' or 'How can you love someone you barely know?' All good points, but all are also very cynical. Love is blind. You also hear this saying, too, especially from the same cynical people. If love is compared to the person it is modeled after, it would mean that love has no respect of physical condition, skin color or anything else that one sees with one’s eyes. So, shouldn't time be considered in this as well since, after all, blindness cannot see time?

Then, if this is true, why are we putting time limits on our inner most feelings? Is it to protect your inner most self? Is it to determine if the partner is worthy of such love? Whatever the reason, just let it go. Let it breathe, and let it flourish. Love is a beautiful thing that, like grass, grows at an incredible fast speed. Loving someone should not have any time limits attached. Because we are all created in love and that love is meant to be shared, displayed and recharged.

Therefore, saying I love you can never be said too soon. But be wise, not everyone is open to love as most people are. But never give up on love, never give up on voicing your love and never stop loving who you are.
 Chazak, chazak, v'nitchazek - Be strong, be strong, and may you have strength!

National Coming Out Day

NCOD was founded in 1988 by Robert Eichberg, a psychologist from New Mexico and founder of the personal growth workshop, The Experience, and Jean O'Leary, an openly-gay political leader from Los Angeles and then head of the National Gay Rights Advocates. The date of October 11 was chosen because it was the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.

Now that you have the quick two second history lesson, let us begin class. I honor every gay right, civil awareness day that G-d can create. It gives the misinformed a chance to educate themselves on things they don't know anything about. And sometimes, it works. But what is disheartening is that, majority of the gay community doesn't even know about gay history. Or think it is beneath them to know such history.

Get off Adam4Adam. Get off BGCLive. Get off ManHunt. Get off all the hookup sites that you claim are 'social networking sites'. That's what Facebook, MySpace and Twitter are for. Anyone who says hookup sites are anything but, are lying to themselves and others. Being gay means more than just going to the club every Friday and Saturday. Being gay means more than going to Black Gay Pride events to show off your body you have been working on everyday prior in hopes of giving laid.

Being gay means more.

People, gay and straight alike, have fought and died for the rights of homosexuals to become equal to their heterosexual counterparts. We have fought hard to repeal DADT. We have risked our lives to strip DOMA of its horrific standpoints. People have fought hard to bring HIV Awareness to kids today. And living a lie, living on the 'down low', living with a view of only being in a relationship just to have a steady sex fest, trivializes the death, memory and history of the LGBT community. No one says you have to back Gay Marriage but there is a distinct difference from saying 'I don't want to get married to someone of the same sex' and saying 'I think gay marriage is wrong.' If you don't want to elevate your relationship to domestic partnership/marriage, then don't. But don't think that everyone should share in your ignorant views.

So on this day, put aside your differences and just love yourself for who G-d made you to be. A big, ole homosexual. But just know that it is only up to YOU to add 'happy' to that description. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Being Gay in a Religious World

For some of us, these two worlds should never collide but others of us think that the two should. For being gay to almost 99% of the gay and bisexual community is something that is formed at birth but because of the religious world we live in, that numbers dwindles because of the thought that it can be fixed. This is the first error that has caused many believers who are gay to abandon their faith. For how can G-d love one part of you but condemn the rest? It seems almost like a contradiction, but to the religious, the almighty can not contradict itself.  So for that, we must look at the bigger picture: are these people mixing in their disapproval into their faith? As an outsider, I say yes. Because many of these people have either; never met a gay man or lesbian woman, had a conversation with them and/or put aside their anger long enough to reach out.

Every year for Pride I see the same religious people boycotting and picketing the parade. I encounter the same closed minded people who think that being gay is a disease that they don’t want to catch. And every year, instead of being upset and yelling back at these people, I reevaluate myself and my faith. I ask myself, ‘How can I better my people so these types of things don’t happen?’  and ‘Where can I start changing the public’s negative image of homosexuality?’ Each answer I come up with is, my Beit K'nesset which means "place of assembly".  If we are to change the world, we first must change ourselves. We need to show our own brothers and sisters that there is love to be found if you only just look with positive eyes. We need to get rid of negative connotations towards other gay men and women. We as a people have to start teaching tolerance to our kids, because that’s who holds tomorrow’s world. We can’t just tell them to love other people and then turn around and tell our friends how much you dislike drag queens, or that gay people shouldn’t adopt children. With this kind of attitude, nothing will ever change for any of us; Gay or straight, religious or atheist.

So with this coming Rosh Hashanah, I challenge all of you to make amends and change your ways and thoughts of negativity. Help others by first helping yourself and those closest to you. Be the light of hope that your community needs and don’t wait for someone else to do it because it may never get done. Gay men and women, transgender men and women, bisexual men and women, straight men and women, it doesn’t matter what you identify with, we are all the same inside. We are all emotional, breathing and talented human beings. Now let’s treat each other as such. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d’s will.

The Concept of G-d; Man’s Creation

In a world filled with violence and pain, sorrow and despair, we as humans find a way to fill the void of tragedy anyway we can. Most of us run to religion because we want some sort of hope in the face of chaos. Some of us turn to science because we want to make rationalizations about the events happening in our lives. And select few of us turn to death and plead with him to remove us from the battlefield. But whichever choice you pick, the one choice that seems to be picked by many people is the concept that G-d is the reason behind it. G-d is either unpleased with a group so G-d sends a hurricane. Or G-d is disgusted with a sect and so G-d sends terrorists. Or an earthquake, or tsunami or a famine or the cliché; a flood. However you want to word it is fine but you must realize that everything said is only man’s concept of G-d.

No one has spoken to G-d directly and no one has seen G-d at all and anyone telling you they have is not telling the full truth. The Bible, which my Christian counterparts will so lovely point out, is the only truth there is. But I most protest; the bible is only collections of stories written by humans and translated by humans (bigot, racist, ignorant and homophobic humans). And yet we are required to believe what they say because they had a direct line to the Divine? Ridiculous. The only thing Jews follow from the bible, or Tanach (which is a compilation of what Christians titled the Old Testament), are the laws of Moses and even those have evolved and been rewritten, some done away with. The other stories, before and after, are just that; good reads and great inspiration for occasions, like Passover or Shavuot.  But where does G-d come in at? G-d is shown speaking to people, most of the time in warning of destruction. G-d is also seen as being on fire or moving like a cloud. All these accounts are just a wonderful painting to what people think of G-d. But no one knows who G-d is exactly so they make up ideas about G-d and tell people they have heard from G-d.

One thing I know about any deity created from the thought of man is that the idea is only functional to the person who believes. And for that, my G-d is not vengeful so G-d will not send natural occurrences to punish any person. My G-d is all inclusive because if in fact we are all created by Divine image (both godlike and angelic) then all people, regardless of race, sexual orientation, creed, disability, ethnicity are all loved and are without flaw and blemish in the eyes of G-d.  The concept of sin is different in every religion so too is sin a man made imposition. G-d is both perfect and imperfect because I am both. G-d is emotional because I am emotional. G-d is one because I am one. G-d’s will is my will because my will is G-d’s will. All of these concepts make G-d real for me, but I will not burden someone who believes Bacchus, or someone who believes the Earth is their G-d.

So all these prayers given up to ones divine deity about peace will never come to pass until these same people accept and understand that G-d is different for everyone. G-d doesn’t just work for one group of persons and not another. And the many names that people may call their G-d are all welcome: Zeus, Jupiter, Buddha, Jesus, Gaia, Chronos, Adonai, Goddess, Li Grand Zombi, among many others. This type of tolerance will bring the love that the Divine has destined to be in our lives. This type of acceptance will bring the peace in which was founded on our slowly dying planet. But until that happens, nothing will change if people don’t change closed minded thoughts. The concept of G-d will forever be man’s creation and it will soon lead to much heartache and pain if it isn’t rethought and revamped. Hine mah tov uMah Nayim shevet achim gam yachad. That is my prayer and my wish for all humans to live together in unity. Ken yehi ratzon.

Nachamu, Nachamu Ami!

Isaiah says, "Nachamu, Nachamu Ami Yomer Eloheychem" Which translated means, 'Comfort, Comfort my people says your G-d.' which is the passage that starts off our Haftarah portion after Tisha B'Av, a day of mourning in Jewish tradition. After weeks of reducing our joy in commemoration of many horrible events, two of which are the temples that were both destroyed on the ninth of Av (the first by the Babylonians in 586 B.C.E.; the second by the Romans in 70 C.E), we are given a reminder that G-d is there to comfort us in time of tragic events. Even when it feels that the Divine has removed itself from our presence, the Divine reminds us that we are still comforted by the thoughts of life, love and togetherness. A rabbi once told me that G-d isn't in me, or you but between us. The comfort is there when we need it and is able to tapped into whenever we are ready. My question to you is; what comforts you today?

A few weeks before Tisha B'Av, I was admitted to the hospital for six days because of a deadly, contagious virus I had contracted through the air. I was in so much pain that my morphine intake went from every six hours to every 4 hours. I was given several spinal taps and countless blood draws. And each day I was in the hospital, while high on morphine, I recited the Sh'ma, one of the most important prayers I know. I had friends call and stop by and each time, I was comforted. Both of my Rabbi's in Sacramento called me to see how I was doing and it gave me such comfort. Each time someone said a prayer for me, I felt comfort. Needless to say, the morphine gave me comfort as well.

So today, I feel my comfort with the people around me, no matter what is going on. No matter what the unemployment situation is in the nation, or the debt crisis going on, or the tragic weather happening in our world, the Divine sends us comfort in ways that we may not realize. Open your hearts and minds and embrace the stranger who asks for help on the street, you may be their comfort. Eradicate the hatred in your hearts, your love can be a comfort to, at the very least, one person. Let's not repeat history and have our 'inner temple' destroyed because of sinat chinam: baseless hatred. Let love's light end all ignorance, intolerance and injustice. May your heart be filled with peace, love, joy and nachamu. Comfort. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Harry Potter and the Farewell Tour

"The Boy Who Lived"

This was the line that started it all. It was a beginning of a journey into the magical world we could have never thought of since the trip to Oz in 1939. The boy was only eleven when he found out that he was much more unique than his bully of a family he was sent to stay with. His name is Harry Potter. A name that is gossiped around all the magical community to be the only person who survived the Killing Curse. The only person that can battle and destroy He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. And tonight at midnight, that battle begins.

The author of this incredible story, Joanne Rowling, better known as J. K. Rowling, started a phenomenon that could have never been foreseen. She gave her readers inspiration, hope and a constant imaginative adventure. When the best selling book went to screen by way of Warner Bros., her readers followed along with new fans. We saw the words come to life and were able to live out our fantasies on the big screen. We followed Harry from Years 1 thru 7. Now, tonight at midnight, it all ends.

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger set out on the last battle that will leave you in tears, leave you breathless and have you cheering throughout the entire movie. There will be deaths that will shock you and redemption that will touch your heart. There will be individual battles that will leave you on the edge of your seat and magical spells that will have you chanting along. This event that is one that shouldn't be missed.

Whether you are a Harry Potter fan from the beginning of the books or the movie is no matter. Join your favorite characters on the last world wide installment of this lifetime; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Check your local theatre for showtimes with Fandago. Mischief Managed! *Disclaimer: No matter how much Warner Bros. claimed they didn't want to leave anything out of the last movie (its why it split up in two parts) don't be surprised if things are changed from the book. Its the way of Hollywood.

"Neither can live while the other survives, and one of us is about to leave for good..." said Harry simply.

Yom Ga'avah {Happy Pride}

This Pride season has been a month of difficult journey, lessons and triumph. Even with all the anti-gay propaganda and the right wing religious view of Senator Ruben Diaz against gay marriage, we still gained one more victory to equal rights: New York State passed a law allowing same sex couples to marry. Baruch Ha'Shem! How wonderful it is to allow acceptance and tolerance into one's life. We have a lot to celebrate today and the rest of the Pride season. G-d is working G-d's miracles in the lives of true love and happiness, both gay and straight alike.

This Pride let us also remember the ones who died fighting for equal rights for all. Let us remember Stonewall. Let us not forget the men and women who died of AIDS before and after medication was created. Let us remember our Transgender sisters and brothers who were beaten to death because they were different. Let's remember that the journey isn't over just yet and we still have a way to travel. Zicronam L'vracha: The memories of the righteous will always be a blessing. Joseph F. Beam, David P. Brill, Stephen Donaldson, Steve Endean, Barbara Gittings, Harry Hay, Essex Hemphill, Brenda Howard, Morris Kight, Phyllis Lyon, Del Martin, Harvey Milk, Bayard Rustin, as well as others whom I may not know of or have forgotten.

As a community, both LGBT and straight, we must learn to love ourselves as well as others. We must learn to differentiate between religious ignorance and G-d's true love. I saw a dear friend of mine's picture that read, 'G-d Accepts You~ GAY' and I began to smile deeply. Love, light, happiness and acceptance is finally starting to shine through in the world. May we all continue to live, learn and grow in truth and beauty and create a better and more accepting world for everyone to live in. Oseh shalom bim'romav hu ya'aseh shalom aleinu v'al kol Yis'ra'eil v'im'ru Amein: May the One who makes peace, grant peace to all of us and to all Israel. To which we say, Amen.

Yom Ga'avah: Happy Pride!

The Problem With Gay Love

I got your attention now? Good! Sit down and pay attention.

Have you ever wondered why in pictures of gay marriage rallies you seldom see black gay couples standing and defending this human right? Well, I have. And to piggy back on my last post, I will say it again; it is the social media that creates this black hole into the gay community. But not only is it the sex hook up sites that creates this distorted view of monogamy, but it's the Hollywood adaptation of what gay relationships should be like. You see the tall, physically fit guy who gets the almost flawed but still perfect guy, who happens to also be physically fit. And it creates this notion that the only way to get a successful relationship is to be physically fit.

But what our community fails to understand is that true love knows no boundaries, no judgments, and no conditions. Too long have people confused the idea of love with the feeling of lust. Lust is, at the very essence, conditional. Lust has its infatuation period that all too quickly ends and when it does, we act like love has eluded us yet again. But we can't expect to be ready for love when we can't even distinguish the difference between the two.

Someone asked me what my blog was about and who it is directed toward. Well, I speak for the guys who are subjected to rejection because they don't have a six pack. I speak for the guys who are ridiculed for being feminine and shunned by our own community for it. I speak for the men who struggle every day with being a single gay parent. I speak for the people who are subjected to condemnation because of religious beliefs and forced to live a lie because of it. I speak for the people who are genuinely looking for love but can't seem to find it because the media says they are not white enough, or black enough, or Asian enough or muscular enough or fit enough or rich enough or American enough. I speak for men who are thrown away because they are HIV positive. I speak for you.

People need to wake up to the new light of day and realize that you will continue to be single, bitter and lonely if you don't stop the self hating, racist and judgmental words you put out in the world. What attracts you is one thing, but putting someone down or closing them out is another. We all have a list of what we want our perfect guy or girl to look like but if you haven't lived long enough you won't know that there isn't a thing that is perfect. Use this list as a guideline, not as a contract. Open yourself up to people who are ‘outside of the box’. Then and only then will you find true love. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Gay 2k

The year 2000 was a year that started a slew of changes: heighten airport security, furious weather conditions, global terrorist attacks, and a decline in the love department in the  Chadash dor: new generation of gays. These new young group of homosexuals who were born in the 90s and are entering college in this millennium are being raised on Adam4Adam, BGC, Man Hunt and the numerous club and ball room scene. All of these venues encourage relations more than they do relationships. And that is a problem in many ways.

When I read status messages on Facebook and Twitter saying 'I am looking for my next ex' or 'There is no need for love' or even 'Sex is all I care about.' I just sigh. As disheartening as this is, I propose the question; "What do we expect these kids (literally) to feel when all they see is sex and failed relationships all around them?" The role model's these kids have are their gay mama or daddy who aren't but 3 or 4 years older than them and are single as well. They dream to be the next Shorty J or the next Diesel Washington. The main sources of income they know are part time fast food joints and vogueing at the next ball. The majority of their 24 hour day is spent on Facebook and Twitter for 22 hours talking about what they did moment to moment.

It is sad to watch our next generation getting into relationships and 3 weeks later becoming single. Its hurtful to ask these kids what they aim for in a relationship and they can't come up with an answer. These beautiful kids need our help and our guidance. They need to know that LTR's (long term relationships) do work and they are out there. They need to know that life isn't all about sex, drugs and the internet. They need to know there is more to life than traveling to the nearest Black Gay Pride, just to be sexy and have sex. They need to be educated on the real meaning of Pride. They need to learn about Stonewall, Prop 8, and Harvey Milke Day, among other important gay history.

But they cannot do it alone. We have to help them. We have to teach them and be there for them. I pray that our next generation opens their eyes and minds and holds their self esteem higher than any wayward dick or ass. Love is out there and it will come to you when you mature and are ready to receive it. Whatever your mind can conceive, it will achieve. Ken Yehi Ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Let's Take A Walk

Tis the season to be jolly and no I am not talking about the overrated season of Santa and his merry elves; it is graduation time! The time when a person has completed their studies and are receiving a diploma for their achievements. High school students are walking across the stage all over in relief that the last four years are finally over. College students are awaiting life with their newly won degrees and some are off to pursue an advanced degree of some sort. But whether you are becoming a college student, a graduate student or just jumping into the workforce; my cap goes in the air for you. Your journey was one that wasn't easy in any way and it has been won with perseverance, dedication and love.

The Talmud comments that "Study is necessary in order to teach." The importance of study is attested to in another Talmudic discussion (Kiddushin 40b) about which is preferred: study or action. The answer there, a seeming compromise, is "study that leads to action." This discussion is liken to the saying 'think before you act/speak' and is one that is very relevant now to graduating students. Although some students have been thinking about their future for years and years, there are those who like to wait till the very last minute to do anything. Well, baby, the time is now. If you don't go on to further your education deeper, then what is your next step? What will you do with your free time? Now is the time to study the pros and the cons and make a decision on where you are going from this point on.

Let's change the statistics of our youth dropping out of high school, college and out of reality. Let us help them make a choice that will better their lives, better their future and broaden their horizons. You may not ever move from the place you were raised but that doesn't mean you can't learn about other places or visit somewhere else. Let's help our kids shut off Facebook, Twitter and MySpace and visit a college campus of their interest. Cut off the television and read about a career plan to get you into the work place. Whatever your goals for life are, make sure it's one that will benefit you in love, happiness and the future. Let's make our generation a generation of change.

Y'varech'cha Adonai v'yishm'recha. Ya-eir Adonai panav eilecha vichuneka. Yisha Adonai panav eilecha v'yaseim l'cha shalom. {May G-d bless you and keep you. May G-d's light shine upon you and may G-d be gracious to you. May you feel G-d's Presence within you always, and may you find peace.}

Mazel Tov!

Hafaygelah: Homophobia in Reglious Life

In honor of the LGBT Pride season, topics are springing up in my head left and right. I chose to talk about a topic that is very relevant not just in our daily life but in our religious one as well; homophobia. Many religious sects use a verse in the bible to aim their disapproval towards gay men and women: Vayikra (Leviticus) 18:22 which reads in Hebrew is:

וְאֶת-זָכָר--לֹא תִשְׁכַּב, מִשְׁכְּבֵי אִשָּׁה:  תּוֹעֵבָה, הִוא

{Ve-et zachar lo tishcav mishkevei isha to'evah hi}

Translated means 'A man shall not lie with another man as he would lie with a woman, it is a to'evah'. The word to'evah has been misunderstood and incorrectly translated to 'abomination' when it does not mean abomination at all. To'evah means basically 'foreign'. The term to'evah is used almost a hundred and three times in the Tanach (bible) in regards to foreign practices. This is why there is no Hebrew word for homosexual, homosexuality or gay (in the meaning of the latter). The acts of gay sex were foreign and believed to be apart of idol worship. I mean, how many times have you told your kids not to watch something on TV until you researched the show yourself and made sure it was okay for a child? But as time progressed, so did the laws. Homosexuality was seen as a work of Ha'Shem as was heterosexuality. There became a word for gay men and women. Judaism itself does not prohibit or in any way look down upon homosexual love. And in the eyes of Judaism the love between two men or two women can be as natural as the love between a man and a woman.

In other parts of the Tanach was the word to'evah used: Bereshit (Genesis) 43:32 states that eating with Israelites is to'evah for Egyptians. Bereshit 43:34 states that shepherds are to'evah to Egyptians—the sons of Israel are themselves shepherds. In Shemot (Exodus) 8:22, Moses describes Israelite sacrifices as being to'evat mitzrayim (foreign to Egypt), although obviously Israelite ritual is not an objective abomination. If to'evah means abomination, then eating with shepherds, eating with Israelites, and Israelite sacrifices themselves must be abominable! Since this clearly is not the case, to'evah cannot mean abomination. But this has been the case since King James translated Hebrew to his liking and homosexuals at that time were seen as demons and serious sinners who should be obliterated from the earth (or at the very least 'saved'). Many religions now use the King James Version of the bible as the solid truth and no other but G-d could have translated this. This lack of knowledge has birth the rise of homophobia and the unacceptance of gay men and women in religion today.

What is troubling to me are the many preachers and ministers saying Adonai is a being that is all loving and only hates a certain group of people. This is an oxymoron. Something that G-d is not. As stated in my last blog-drash, we are all created in the Divine image and according to Bereshit 1:27, G-d saw what G-d had made and it was good. Human beings, human nature and human sexuality were apart of this goodly sight. So why is homophobia and the unacceptance of homosexuality so relavant in religious life? Answer: The uneducated opinions of people who feel they may be raped by a three hundred pound gay "demon". This is even more sadly growing in the black community where being a homosexual is seen as being less of a man. This is why the 'down low' life is so shockingly alive and gay men and women are subject to abuse that may end in homicide or suicide.

People need to wake up and stop throwing their hateful opinions in with their religious views. G-d cannot dwell where hate (to anything and anyone, including self) resides. So this Pride season, whether gay or not, embrace love and enjoy each breath you take. Stop hating yourself and the people around you because you don’t understand. Don't let something that is to'evah become an abomination. Educate yourself, love yourself and enjoy the peace that was handed to all of us.

Baruch shebara ahavah v'achavah v'shalom v'rei'ut: Blessed is the One who creates love, harmony, peace and companionship. Ken yehi ratzon, may it be G-d's will.

Yatsa ha'aron: Coming Out the Closet

It is 2011, we live in the 21st century, the world is aging, and everyday gas, food and rent prices are going up. We live in a world where crime is always a story on the news and natural disasters happen all the time. Our society is constantly struggling between the liberal and the conservative views. But if all of these things are changing before our eyes, why is our own gay community still stagnant? The people who have never resided in the closet are still persecuted for their lifestyle, they are still bullied as young kids and are treated with discrimination in all the states for being homosexual. Since gay marriage has become a topic of constitutional discussion in the 1970s, only four states, Washington DC and the Coquille Indian Tribe in Oregon have grated same sex marriages legal in their constitution since the beginning of 2004. Only 11 states have legalized 'civil unions' or 'domestic partnerships' and two don't have a law restricting or permitting gay marriage. It seems that with all of this sluggish and slow changing times, why would people feel the need to come out of the closet? They feel safer to stay, for a lack of better terms, closeted in their own world for numerous reasons. Maybe their job would fire them. Maybe their family would disown them. Maybe they would be judged by their religious peers. Maybe all of the above and more.

But still each day, someone finds the courage to accept the inevitable and open the door to the lightless closet they have been staying in. They become a hero in the eyes of the community because we all know of the coming negativity that will soon (if it hasn't already) ascend. But with each one of us standing by these heroes, they become less alone. They have support and love from people who find their story inspiring. And this makes the negativity that arises, minute. We see the power of people like Sean Hayes, Ricky Martin, Cynthia Nixon and Wanda Sykes. We behold the beauty of people like Ellen, Rosie, Elton John, Ian McKellen, and Lance Bass. And we gaze at the bravery of Don Lemon and the Phoenix Suns president Rick Welts, who aren't apart of the Hollywood style of entertainment. These men are a huge boost to moral because they weren't outted by being caught in the park with a male hooker or hitting on an undercover cop in a male restroom. These men have positive views on life and have been driven to stand up for what is right in life. Rick Welts choose to reveal his personal life after events where Kobe Bryant called a referee a "faggot," and where Tim Hardaway proclaimed, "I hate gay people." Don Lemon has become a wonderful icon for high profile African Americans who are also out and proud gay men, which sadly is less than the number of fingers I have on my hand.

This journey is never easy or without evil. It will be hard but it will be worth it. You may lose friends and family but you will gain so many more people to replace the vacancy. Whatever you believe your G-d to be, just know they will not let you fail or fall. Coming out the closet is a huge step and we will be here to help you all through the pain and confusion that may arise. There is beauty and power in accepting your life as it is. We are all b’tzelem Elohim- created in the image of G-d. All human life, whether straight or gay, is holy and worthy of profound respect and understanding. We are all born the way we are. So let us all start accepting who we are and start betzalmo: thanking G-d for creating us in the Divine image. Kol Adonai ba'ko'ach, kol Adonai be'hadar: Hear G-d's voice in power; hear G-d's voice in beauty.

Thank you Don and Rick for your bravery, inspiration and power. May many more people follow your footsteps and may they have positive influences and support when they come out. Yisa Adonai panav eilecha v'yaseim l'cha shalom: May you all feel G-d's presence within you always, and may you find peace. Ken yehi ratzon; may it be G-d's will.

V'ahavtah L'rey-acha Kamocha: Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

I have many friends who feel religion is a pointless, mind-slavery waste of time. How could anyone worship a god who is vengeful and a vicious warlord? How can people believe in a book that is full of contradictions? And these friends of mine have every right to feel the way they feel. Especially after the many hate filled protests of Fred Phelp’s congregation or from Rabbi Yisroel Dovid Weiss and his anti-zionist, anti-Israel, burning the Israeli flag beliefs. Why should my friend’s feel the need to believe in a god who can condone such ignorance and baseless hatred?

They shouldn’t. Because that god isn’t real. That god isn’t the god that is illuminated in love and peace. The One who grants peace to the high heavens and to us here is the one who is truly in existence. There is no such thing as ‘love hating’ anything. It would be a lie. It would be an oxymoron. Everything is created in the Divine’s image and everything is given the upmost respect from the Divine. We, as humans, pick and chose how to deal with our fate and our emotions. We, as humans, chose our actions and our worship. We, as flawed humans, carry out the positive or the negative. G-d, in any creation to your liking, just shows us the path. Whether G-d is Dionysus, Hera, Bacchus, Bromios, Dendrites, Jesus, Budda, Adonai, Aphrodite, Muhammad, or any name; if this figure is based solely in love and acceptance for all people, then that is the true meaning of the Divine. The Divine cannot not dwell in hate, ignorance or any variation of the two because we as humans are the one’s who act on such evil.

And this brings about the next question: what about the events in the Bible that portray the Holy One to be a vengeful deity? Well, my rabbi once explained it like this: the bible is not true but it is truth. The events, the stories, the fables in the bible can’t be proven to have happened. So it makes it not true. But the underlying principles, the concepts of the stories, the moral of each tale are what makes it truth. We all can relate to a personal Egypt in which enslaved us and then we were freed from. Whether it is drug abuse, alcoholism, self- homophobia, etc, we all can relate these sufferings to the Passover story. There’s a saying during this festival ‘What G-d did for me, when I came out of Egypt.’ The Divine showed us the way, and we freed ourselves with the help of the Divine. No one can prove that the world was made at the drop of a dime in 6 days but it gives us a guideline into a period where we work, satisfy others, or make a paycheck and a period where we relax and meditate and soak in our surroundings. The Unitarian Universalists church believes that the Christian Bible, or the Torah, or the Qu’ran or any other account of human experience, not to be either an infallible guide or the exclusive source of truth. They respect the sacred literature of other religions. They aspire to truth as wide as the world, they look to find truth anywhere, universally. And it is in this acceptance of all people, this respect for all religions, other than their own, that I see G-d. Because their love for their fellow neighbor shines through. In Judaism, the Nisim B’chol Yom: For Daily Miracles, there is a passage that shows me G-d and unity. “I am a Jew because in EVERY place where suffering weeps, the Jew weeps. I am a Jew because at EVERY time when despair cries out, the Jew hopes. I am a Jew because, above humanity, image of the divine Unity, the Jew places the unity which is divine.”

To love your fellow man as yourself is not so difficult to achieve but for some it is the hardest thing to do. If we look inside ourselves, cleanse the negative energy from our spirit, educate our ignorance and embrace the love that is surrounding us, we can achieve countless miracles in our lives. We can see love like we have never seen it before. In the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, “One day, ALL of G-d’s children, white and black, Jews and Gentiles will join hands and sing in that old spiritual song- free at last, free at last, thank G-d almighty, we are free at last.” It doesn’t matter what you believe, what you worship, or what you practice, as long as the love in your life shines through, all good things will come your way. Ken yehi ratzon; May it be G-d’s will.

The 11th Plague

Passover is a weeklong festival that we recall the exodus of the Jews from Egypt slavery and remember the famous event that took the nation by, well what else, storm. The ten plagues. You may know them as; blood, frogs, lice, flies, disease on livestock, boils, hail, locusts, darkness and the death of the first born. All of these events would be fatal and catastrophic if they infected our nation as a whole. But there is one plague that is not mentioned but is very relevant and affecting our nation in a very negative way; homophobia.

By definition homophobia is described as 'unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality'. By action it is seen as beatings, negative slurs, threats and/or discrimination. As all homosexuals, both lesbian and gay men, are susceptible to this hatred, transsexuals are targeted more frequently. As is shown by recent events on April 18th in Baltimore Maryland when Chrissy Polis was brutally attacked by a 14 year old and an 18 year old female in a McDonalds Restaurant. This infuriates me to the fullest because in 2007, a dear friend and old roommate Katrina was shot to death for being a transsexual. This homophobia, especially high in the south, needs to end and be obliterated. What shocks me next is the fact that a McDonalds employee stood by and videotaped it instead of helping, which I was told many employees cheered the girls on.

I blame the parents, fanatic churches who preach homosexuals a sin and society as a whole. If kids are taught to accept and coexist with everyone at an early age, there wouldn't be any type of hate crimes. It is like the time of segregation: the kids couldn't tell the difference between skin color until the parents told them it was not okay to play with the nigger child from Macon. There is no excuse for ignorance and death don’t cure stupidity, so as we live then things need to change and change now. I shouldn't have to look over my shoulder when I hold my boyfriend's hand in Compton, or kiss my husband in Atlanta, or hug my girlfriend in Dallas. I shouldn't have to be harassed at Gay Pride by idiots who think it's okay to miss church service to hold up signs saying 'G-d Hates Fags' and 'Homo sex is a sin'. There shouldn’t be protests at military funerals saying 'Fags Doom Nation'. But when it happens, when it is encouraged, then it's the hatred that dooms the nation.

Miss Polis and other transsexuals, homosexuals and lesbians shouldn’t have to live in fear in places that lynch people that aren’t blonde hair, blue eyed heterosexual Christians. We shouldn’t have to stay in our houses because we have a rainbow flag in our window and the torch wielding villagers are outside yelling 'Kill the monster!' And while I am on this notion of homophobia as the 11th plague, our OWN gay community needs to grow the fuck up and get over their 5th century fears of effeminate men.

How can we expect change if WE don't change. Posting words like 'no fats, no fems' when looking for a mate doesn’t make you a man, it makes you a punk. It shows how little you know about the people outside of your world and only by what you see on TV. People who say 'Men should act like men and not women' shows the self-hatred in themself because they fear someone might 'mistake' them as gay. Well, guess what honey, YOU ARE GAY. This Down Low life is just the gas station for homophobia to stop, fill up and get a coffee on the way.

Stop the hatred, both to yourself and to others. Change your mindset and then we can change the world. One gay at a time. One girl at time. One person at a time. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Death in Magic Except 1

Uriel allowed me to sleep the rest of that night and when I woke at the break of dawn, I figured he had withdrawn into his sleep under the house. As I turned over in the bed, I grabbed my pearl rosary from the edge of the bed and put it around my neck. I would’ve fallen back to sleep in complete ecstasy from the night before if what happened next didn’t frighten me to the core. Lucy screamed with much agony. I heard it like it was inside of me even though it was a mile away. I shot up, jumped into my pants, yanked my tinted glasses off the table and ran out the house and toward my horse, which was up. But I heard the scream again and decided there was no time to get to the stable, saddle up and ride, so I ran quickly toward town. My speed began to pick up as I called out Lucy’s name and began to see smoke from the distance. The screaming became more excruciating and bone curdling as I picked up speed and entered the town. No one was on the streets or in their shops. The smoke was coming from Lucy’s booth and it had begun to catch fire. Two men stood at the entrance looking inside and I ran up to them. Before I could ask what had happened, they tried to attack me. The first man, who was overweight and short, swung his fist at my face and the second man, who was also overweight but taller, tried to grab hold of me. Without thought, I grabbed the first man’s fist in midair and snapped it out of place. He plummeted to the ground in pain. The second guy, who had stopped in mid-movement, abruptly started running away. Lucy’s booth was completely engulfed and I had seen a lifeless body bound to a stake and swallowed up in fire.


“Lucy.” I muttered. For that moment, I had completely forgotten about the fat man on the ground until he wrapped his unbroken hand around my ankle. My anger arose and I immediately kicked him with my free foot and broke his jaw. I would’ve killed the man if my mind hadn’t picked up even more danger. My heart sank when I felt my home, our home, was being invaded. I would’ve felt the men around my house if I wasn’t concerned with this elderly woman’s (who I had befriended) life. My emotion was tied into saving her and now that I knew what her fate was, my guard was down. I screamed Uriel’s name as it was the last breath I would take in my life and began running toward the house. My father told me that in time of war, when men were taxed out on battle, there was always a trigger that would snap in them and they would be instantly renewed somehow. It was called adrenalin. And it was flowing through my veins like the fire it felt. Or it could've been Uriel's blood. No way to tell. I called out Uriel’s name again when I saw the house go up in flames and a group of townspeople standing around with tall crucifixes, torches and my horse. A guy, who was no older than me and equally built, turned toward me as I ran up and tried to push me away.

“That’s my house!” I yelled with so much hate in my voice, it scared even me. He just kept pushing me away and when I heard a loud screech from inside; I grabbed the intruders arm and swung him around me and over the cliff into the lake. The other people took notice and tried to block me from entering. At that moment I saw Jeffery, the baker, exit the house with a hand held cross and I was furious. With great force, I pushed people aside like they were little twigs in the way of a path and when I met Jeffery face to face, I heard the screech from inside again. The fire was enraged, like my insides, and the door was almost falling off. I pushed Jeffery aside and made my way to the house. When I entered, everything was clouded by smoke and covered with fire. The bed we made love on was a mass of inferno and the temperature was rising by the second. I heard the screech a third time and saw Uriel branded to the wall by the sunlight, black wings extended as far as the wall itself and wrapped up violently with fire. At that moment, my life didn’t mean anything. I wanted to save Uriel’s. If I could grab and run him to the lake before he died, I could save him. As I pushed pieces of the roof that had collapsed out the way, I heard Jeffery behind me.

“Die creature of the night! It is Christ Jesus who condemns you to hell for eternity!”

That chant was something I heard in the stories my mother told to me in many of her bedtime tales and my heart began to weep.

She must have endured this situation before.

But I couldn’t think of that now. I forged my way through the fire, getting singed as I got closer; but when Uriel’s eyes met mine, I froze. Only for a fraction of a second did I see pity in his eyes and before I knew it, one of his wings flapped and blew me right out of the fire through the nearest window with tremendous energy.

Life in the Notebook Entry 1

Sunday, April 03, 2011

So I mean I figure that if I want to establish myself in this writing/blogger world, I might as well, um, maybe start writing. More writing that is *wink*. So what better way to start back on it than doing a reality style blog entry every now and then? Its like the most brilliant plan I have ever come up with. Don’t laugh. I am dead ass serious. And you get to see how I really talk when I am not thinking of correct word usage and trying to impress the big people. And by ‘big people’ I mean my Facebook friends.

Okay, so I’m in Target and I am getting ready to start on my ‘Vision Board’ that I had read in the book called ‘The Secret’. It’s a book about the laws of attraction and how what you put out in the universe will come back to you. So putting positive energy and words out there, you get positive things back to you. You get the picture. Well, I going down the aisle with the bulletin boards and going through the piles of overpriced ones till I found the cheapest board. And when you find something cheap at Target, its really actually expensive compared to places like, oh I don’t know, maybe, Wal-Mart. So oddly enough, the asile I am on houses those tall religious Catholic candles with the pictures of the Virgin Mary or the famous fictional character, Jesus. And this child, who can’t be no more than like 7, runs up to a Jesus candle and starts yelling, “Mommy, mommy, Jesus is here! He is here! He returned! He returned! But wait, why aren’t we in Heaven now?” Is it wrong that I just laughed so hard I almost stopped breathing? Good thing I had my headset in and pretended I was talking on the phone.

Now, I live in Los Angeles, or Long Beach to some people, and I am pretty alone on most days because I took it upon myself to pack up and move 400 miles away from all my close friends. I have two that I hold dear to my heart and they are the ones I talk to every day, or if I miss a day, twice a day. Yes, I am that loved. Tonee and Ivan. No truer friends have ever been uttered into my life. Today, after a huge fight with this guy about why I didn’t put salt in my DIETARY soup that ended in him walking out, I was left with this task he had promised me. Making an omelet. Now for people who really know me, I have like minus 2 cooking skills. The only thing I can make is macaroni and cheese from scratch (stop laughing) and the ‘three day slow cooked greens’ my grandmother taught me to make. But who am I kidding, that’s just stirring fucking vinegar and hot sauce in a pot full of water and collard greens. Who can’t do that?

So anyways, I start chopping up things I want to put in my omelet; peppers, onions, mushrooms and I sit at the table and go ‘Oh shit, how the fuck do I make an omelet?’ So instead of waiting for my MetroPCS internet to take 12 days to load a page on how to make the perfect omelet, I message one of the greatest cooks I know, Ivan. After the initial shock of my actual request, I was told to take a pan, mix in my ingredients as I wished into the eggs and put it in the pan as it heated up. Well, no one told me till after that I wasn’t supposed to have the heat on high. I’m sitting there wondering why my eggs are brown on the pan side but all liquidy on top. “Is your heat on high?” “Um, yes.” “Turn it down” “I cant, it only goes from ‘off’ with a space and then ‘high’ and ‘lite’.” “Turn it to the space.” “Ooooh, I didn’t know I could do that with gas fire.”

Okay, don’t judge me. I have been unsuccessful with gas stoves so I just try not to use them. My omelet came out great though! So what it was burnt on one side? I still ate it. Even if I am the only one who eats my own cooking. Look out Top Chef, I am going to put myself in the running. *Rockstar!*

The Jew boy named Jesus

Over the past few weeks, in which a handful of my Facebook friends are observing Lent, I began thinking and researching about this man Christians worship named Jesus. Now, my issue doesn't revolve around the constant contradiction that Christianity puts out or with the 'do as I say, not as I do' concept or even with the many scare tactics they place on the people. No, it comes from the constant ignorance of many people (not all) who claim to be Christian, but forget Jesus was a Jew (In fact, this sect was started and run by Peter and Paul, but thats another blog in itself).

Let's take a quick look at the life of the Jew boy named Jesus. Even though he didn't quite keep with Sabbath laws, or keep kosher, or even perform the netilat yadayim - the ritual hand washing before a meal (one might argue he was reform); he did partake in Peseach (Passover) Seders (one is known as the 'Last Supper'), taught in synagogues which was only allowed by people of high standards (may have even been a rabbi for all we know), and performed the mitzvah of submerging in a mikveh or how its known in the Christian world- the baptism. So it brings me to my next point.

I commend people who give up things or food to better ONE'S self but don't say you are doing it because Jesus said do it or because he did it when he 'fasted' for allegedly 40 days and 40 nights. Even if Jesus didn't keep with all the Sabbath laws, he was at the very core Jewish and would have kept with the fasting laws. These laws usually start from sundown and end at sunup (a typical Jewish day, especially in historic days) and with the exception of Yom Kippur, fasting is never permitted on the Sabbath (which starts Friday night and ends 25 hours later on Saturday night), for the commandment of keeping the Sabbath is biblically ordained and overrides the later rabbinically instituted fast days. And if Jesus is who he says he is, he would have kept at least that law.

So people, don't starve yourself (seeing how its unhealthy) for all 40 days of your Lent but be wise and educated. If you are giving up anything for ANY reason, make sure it is to better yourself in life and love and not because a religion tells you to. Much luck to you all.

The Kissing Worlds

When you have people who are close to you and the people who are close to those people, your life becomes more than just a ball of time. It becomes so much more the currency of the soul running through your veins. Life blossoms with emotion and interactions. It brings time and space into one sitting through the moments when you walk down the street, skate on the beach, bike over the mountains, roll down the hills, and run around the block. It is the life of the living. The life worth living.

But what does one do when this world embraces the next? When it kisses the world of death. As this world turns, the next world turns and the quick kiss is never seen to the eye of the mortal. But how does one comfort the hurt of a friend who has witnessed this kiss? How does a friend take back the chilling moment when time stops?

I pray the time of pain, sorrow and mourning passes quickly. Because when you cry, I cry. When I cry, you cry. We are in this together and our time of pain is here. May the Source of Peace send peace to all who are bereaved and comfort to all who mourn.

Made 4 U Episode 6

Episode 6 'Tonya'