April showers are supposed to bring May flowers, however in California, it doesn't rain in April so don't expect no flowers in May. The fifth month in the year was just the beginning of the hike, and it was a steep hike to do. I was kicked out of my former place but two days before my final day, I found a place in Emerville with a Jamaican guy, Eric, who needed a roommate fast. My relationship was rocky, since Dax was OCD and I was a Pisces. But as Dax helped me moved across town, we made plans to take a weekend at the end of the month to San Jose and go to Great America. This above anything else, excited me. I really had someone who did for me as I did for him. Going into 3 weeks of our relationship, we still haven't had sex and according to him that was cool. A week after I moved in, I went to Dax's house and we celebrated my new move with, yes you guesses it, sex. A few days later, an overwhelming ominous feeling of pain shot through my spirit. I immediately called Dax and got no answer. When I finally reached him, I asked him what was wrong. After a pause, he stated he'd rather tell me face to face. I declined to wait that long and told him to tell me now. He obliged but said he'd tell me online. After I waited for him to sign on, he told me that he loved me but that this relationship wasn't going to work since he was ten years older than me. That was his reasoning. He was older and independent and he wanted someone who was independent as well. I sat there motionless and confused. So needless to say, my trip to Great America never came.
Memorial Day weekend had approached and I was still a bit sad over this silly month and five day relationship, which I no longer consider a relationship, and I was just finishing up some work for my job when I get a message online saying 'Do it again.' I'm sitting there like, its done correctly, why? So after about 4 hours of doing and redoing, I get the pink slip of death. Ur fired. I didn't know what to say but the last line from Casey Novak in Law and Order SVU, "What do I do now?" and of course my boss said the supporting line, "Something else." I didn't know what to do but cry. This month was not how I expected it to go.
June rolled in like the fog in San Francisco and I was out looking for a job adamantly. I told my friends that I am only down for a week at the most and I always find another job. Sho'nuf, I landed a job in San Francisco not but a week after I got fired. This was the month that I met two of my good friends, Ivan and Marvin. I was cleaning up one day, the rare days I do clean up, and saw I missed a call from Dax. When I called him back, he said he wanted to meet to return the rest of my stuff. I wanted to decline but this was my stuff he had. When I saw him that night, he was in tears. This was soooo new to me. He was crying that I couldn't even cry. This was supposed to be my moment, damn you. After he left, it was three days before I went through the bag and I saw he returned the bear I gave him. So, I woke up the next day, wrote him a 'I understand why you did it' letter, sealed it in a Manila envelop, tied the bear to the envelop, rode the BART 30 mins to Balboa Park, took the 9X 30 mins to his house and slipped it in the mailbox. This would be the last time I ever let a man have that much power over me.
My first SF Gay Pride was this month and my first AIDS WALK was the week before. Both were awesome in itself, except the walk was a 6 mile walk and I was alone cuz my MP3 player died like the cheap son of a bitch it is. Ivan had taken me to Berkeley hills for the first time since I lived in the Bay and we talked for over five hours before we realized it was getting dark. I figured in my mind that we would only be friends since he didn't know if he was gay or straight, and you know how that confusion urks me, but July would reveal something different and I would eat my words of Dax being the last man to have power.
Damn it.....
No comments:
Post a Comment