Gay demons making your life a living RuPaul video? Well, have we got the cure for you!
Has any of this ever happened to you?
- You wake up in the middle of the night inexplicably covered in sequins.
- You hear disembodied voices chanting, "Chile, please!"
- You've seen the face of Diana Ross on your toast.
- You've had the strange urge to decorate your home like Candace Olsen.
- Your radio will only play "It's Raining Men" by the Weather Girls.
- Your television will only play reruns of Dynasty.
- All of the clothes in your closet have been rearranged by designer.
- There are days when the only words that leave your lips are "Liza Minnelli."
Why, the Pentecostal church, of course, to order Holy Ghostbusters!
Amaze your friends and family when, with the help of Holy Ghostbusters, you transform yourself from a sissy who plays with dolls to a thug who knocks up young women and slings dope!
But don't just take my word for it. Listen to what excited parishioners are saying:
To deliver someone of demons is an act of love and care—a noble struggle to save the subject from the clutches of the Devil. "I deal with spiritual warfare a lot," says Vivian [Robinson], a registered nurse who is a high-ranking elder in the church. "We believe things can be cast out through the blood of Jesus and the faith and calling on God's power . . . I have cast the spirit out of Kevin. Oh, my God, it's a lot of work."
"He was over the toilet vomiting as I began to call out the spirits," she recalls. Kevin, or something inside Kevin, started to scream. "I mean a horrific scream, like none you've ever heard. Because that spirit didn't want to come out. But then it began to yield."*
*Results may vary. Holy Ghostbusters is not approved by the American Medical Association or the Food and Drug Administration. Some of the side effects include chronic lying, low self-esteem, depression, insanity, suicidal thoughts, and, in some instances, death. Do not use Holy Ghostbusters if you are already pretending to be heterosexual. Holy Ghostbusters does not work on lesbians because Jesus thinks girl-on-girl sex is hot. Republicans, bisexuals and transgendered individuals should see their pastors before using Holy Ghostbusters.
To receive your Holy Ghostbusters, send your tithe offering of $19.95 (plus shipping and handling) to:
The Holy Ghost Temple Church
30 Massasoit Ave
West Springfield, MA 01089-1122
Or call
(413) 781-3754
If you order within the next fifteen minutes, you'll get three free Jesus Christ barf bags--lovingly crafted from the finest oil-based plastics and adorned with the glowing, white face of our savior--to contain any pesky gay demon vomit that might be thrown up. And as an extra added bonus, you'll receive the latest CD from "ex-gay" gospel singer, Donnie McClurkin.
So you'll get the Holy Ghostbusters kit, three Jesus Christ barf bags, and a Donnie McClurkin CD all for a low tithing of $19.95, plus shipping and handling.
(Any states that permit gay marriage, same-sex civil unions or same-sex domestic partnerships must add a 10% sales tax.)
Order now!
*Paid for by the Association of Son of Baldwin. All Rights Reserved.*
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