The Epitome of Beauty

I have been contemplating a lot these past few months about what my life is about. Who lives this life of mine and how the hell am I suppose to go about making sense of it? One things for certain, everything happens for a reason and everyone comes (and sometimes go) for a reason। Most failed relationships are oft times disregarded as horrible experiences, not because of the person, but because of the way it ended.

"That bastard cheated on me!"

"She lied about her HIV status!"

Most people look at the 'how' and the 'why' but forget about the 'when'. To put it into lam ens terms for you...

My ex, Richard, cheated on me four times in the course of our relationship. When we broke up, I grew bitter because all I extracted from the relationship was how he lied to me and why he left me. The ex after him, Tony, left me for someone else. All I could extract was why wasn't I good enough and how could he just up and leave. These are, my dears, just for examples. That is the nature of (mainly) emotional people, to try to understand why WE weren't good enough but someone else was. In order to grow and get past it, one must extract the GOOD and the lesson in which we were suppose to learn. For my next examples, I will use my friends Jay and Dion.

Jay was someone I met at a cafe in the midst of a date that stood me up. He was everything I could have imagined in a guy. The body, the persona, the aura, the smile, the touch, et cetera, et cetera. I felt warm and fuzzy, like I was back in high school again. And as quickly as he came, he left my life. I couldn't understand why or how, so I just stopped caring. Dion was almost exactly like Jay but we took it a step further. We actually became lovers. It was bliss. I felt dizzy and heaven, hot and spicy, he had me tongue tied. Oh, the incredible feeling of falling in love and being on cloud nine. And just like Jay, as soon as it started, it ended.

But then I realized it wasn't about not being a good boyfriend or questioning why we didn't work. It was about why they came into my life and what the lesson was. I began to look back over the past relationships I have had and began to extract the good times and the smiles I had. Throw away all the negative energy and transfer that into positive. Richard taught me how to survive on my own and do things for myself. Tony taught me to love myself before I can let anyone else love me. Jay taught me to never let a man treat me less than what I am worth. And Dion, he taught me never to stop smiling and never to give up on life, what I want, and most of all, on love.

These lessons, these memories that I will take with me are the epitome of my beauty. They are my inspirations to make it through the rough times and never regret my acts of good. I love them all for that and I will continue to grow in grace and beauty. Never giving up and never selling out.

I'm worth more.