November is when it started to get a little chilly but not dead on cold. I was still going through the hurricane but was making it through. I am happy for the friends that I had around me to keep me from drowning and to present me faultless to the only wise god our savior (lol inside joke). Around the middle of the month, a facebook friend Steve from Memphis came to visit the San Francisco Bay Area and I offered my place for him to stay to cut down on hotel fees. We had a fun time and it felt good to finally get out of the house. I could finally see the sun breaking through the clouds in my depression and as soon as Steve left, the clouds swarmed around swiftly again. Steve left Tuesday and that Friday I was laid off from my job. I didnt know whether to celebrate cuz I didn't have to travel an hour an a half or cry cuz I was one of the 1.9 million people who don't have jobs. That day I had a date to go on, but my mind was too crowded to even pay attention to him. So, unlike the others, he listened. When I woke up the next day, I filed for unemployment to find out I wont be eligible till January and then went shopping for Thanksgiving. I was finally seeing rock bottom and said that I would not touch the bottom this time. The people that were draining me, I needed to get rid of. Sorry to say, but a few 'friends' from VA got cut off, my 'god father' was cut off, and other wanna be wolves in sheep's clothing were too. The Sunday before Thanksgiving, I went to church (yes bitch) and felt a release and heard the universe tell me that there was a way out. The Tuesday after, I changed my number and gave it to people that I wanted to have it and immediately felt lighter. I erased all contacts of the said named people and blocked them from trying to contact me. And when Thanksgiving came, I cooked and finally exhaled (so cliche but hey, it fits). I restarted my blogsite and made a new YouTube show. My hurricane was officially over.
In December, I rekindled a flame with a date I met back in March who said he didn't want to talk to me cuz I didn't shop at Barneys or Macys and that I wasn't high maintenance for him. This time, he said he had changed and wanted to be with me at all costs. However, he had left the Bay Area and had moved to Wisconsin where he wanted me to come. He said that he would take care of me and we would be happy. But later on found out that people don't really change, they jus pretend they do. He didn't want me to be Wiccan and he wanted me to cut my hair and he wanted me to leave my house in CA for him and my happiness for him, saying we can find happiness together. And for a brief moment, I considered it. My best friends did what any best friends would do, supported me regardless of my decision, knowing if it was a bad one, even though they would be there, I would learn a lesson in it. It wasn't until I was listening to Beyonce's 'If I Were a Boy' and thinking oddly somehow that's how I was feeling, that I was making a rash and ultimately a wrong decision. Percy, a long time crush of mine, called me and we talked for 3 hours and he told me what I wanted to hear from others, 'Don't do it.' Then when he said he missed the old, funny, happy go lucky Jonny, I cried. It had been a long time since I had smiled and it hurt to finally realize it. I volunteered at the local High School's telecommunication program and started seeing my doctor regularly. I started to feel good about myself. Come the holiday week, I was on a new high on life. I spent it with my friend Maurice, then a date, then a party at my friend's friends house on Saturday and ended with a swift vacation in Santa Cruz with my closest friends on Tuesday.
Now today I look up and smile. The eyes that were watching God can finally see him clearly and feel her around me. My friends that all have been there for me, I thank so much. My brother, Your little bro loves u, my sisters too. Two thousand and eight was a year of many discoveries and revelations. YES! Many of them but the one last discovery that I found was that I have joy again and this time, I wont let it slip. Even if it was at the last blinking moment, I got it. Let's take one last look at the past, *looks back*, and WE ARE OFF!
Happy New Year!
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