Change is Internal

I had a Facebook buddy of mine make a comment about the lack of homosexuality in the  movies. When he made a comment about us being the "masses" when it came to Will and Grace, my mind went to work. We may have been the masses in television but we are a minority to the world. And on top of that, Will and Grace exploited the white gay community for comedy and the world is more accepting to the feminine and non-aggressive humor that it brings. We, as the BLACK gay community, are fighting wind with water. Two opposing forces that, even thought can make a damaging change, won't ever overpower each other. 


If we as the black gay community want to create a change in the media and the world, we first need to make a change within ourselves. It's like the saying, 'You can't clean someone else's house if your house ain't clean.' That goes for change as well. I believe that with sites like Black Gay Chat and Adam thriving as it is, we will never get anywhere outside of the bubble we are stuck in. The world is being shown the negative connotations that we as a whole are nursing on and then wondering why we can't get beyond two seasons of Noah's Arc. Or why we can't find P.U.N.K.S. anywhere to buy. Or why we don't have anyone in the entertainment business thats out, black and proud. 


I heard on a television show that, the wrong thing done for the right reason is still the wrong thing. DL Chronicles, as deathly entertaining as it was, hurt the community. The book 'On The Down Low', hurt the community. We showed the world that not only can we not be trusted, but we can't be trusted to women, we can't be trusted to our family and we can't be trusted to ourselves. Even though these creators were not aiming for that, this is what the world extracted from it. They see sex, HIV, sex and no commitment. Look at how Miami Sizzle carries itself, look at how ATL Pride presents itself to you or even NYC Black Gay Pride. Meat market, sex fest and one night stands. And you wonder why the federal government won't give you the right to marry.


The white gay community actually shows the side that needs to be shown. Acceptance, love and happiness. Compare an AD for SF Gay Pride to that of Miami Sizzle. Catch my point? This is why the 'masses' for Will and Grace actually worked and the showed lasted a full eight seasons but consequently is the reason why Noah's Arc lasted two seasons and why the movie was only in 'selected' theatres. The world doesn't want to see gay black men cause their view of us has been tainted.


If we want to make the change in this world, we need to start loving ourselves, start being kinder to others, and stop thinking our shit don't stink when we are behind a computer trying to get the next lay. Its wonderful to look good, have a great body and feel great but when that's all you show to the community and the world, that's all you will be in their eyes. My late friend, Katrina, said that if a site has to ask you your HIV status and your position, it's a sex site, whether you use it for that or not. And no truer words have ever been spoken. Let's make the change today and get a life. A life outside BGC, outside Adam and Men for Now, outside of the happening gay clubs in our city. Let's actually show the world that we are about much more than sex, muscular bodies, snobbing attitudes, cliques in the club, and poor as dirt folks. Stand up and make a stand in the world, but make sure it starts in your living room.

Happy New Year~

Jonny B. Mitchell

The L Word

I love you.
I stand thinking of how many times can I just be in the dark.
Your smile keeps me warm, and your touch keeps me safe.
My thoughts wrap around your beautiful distress of mathematics
Equations and theorems G-d used to form the answer to my emptiness.
How can I make words of why my love extends past the stars?
How can I form the sentences to which you demand the story?
It just happened, the moment of time I laid eyes on you.

Love, I you.
But I stand asking where now? What now? How now?
Its morning and my tear stained cheeks have no feeling.
The dark seems to be lingering around.
Tell me, do you want me to keep praying for something?
Shall my faith keep my joy on what may the future bring,
Or what the future may bring?
My words forget formation and my periods disappear

You, I love.
The seconds, the minutes, the hours my heart beats
The days, the weeks, the months my heart cries
Why does my heart cry?
Feelings that I cannot hide
You're free to leave me, but just don't deceive me.
If you won't leave me, then don't tease me.
You're the one I choose. Above all else.

Please believe me when I say,
I love you.

Unisex the Town ---> Made 4 U

After a critique and a vote, readers think that the title should of Unisex the Town actually be more inspiring. So, to go with the theme of the series (Six Feet Under- death, Sex and the City- gender NYC, etc) I have reached a FINAL verdict of the name change to Made 4 U. The first publication with this name is a screenplay done for class, which takes place in the second season of the miniseries. Enjoy and remember, it's only a screenplay, not the actual plot line.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/24289947/Made-4-U-The-Play

Break Up...easier said than done.

I can't help but blog about a recent accident that happened over the holiday. I ended my longest relationship with a man who probably loved me, but his problem was that he wasn't showing it in the manner that computed with my mind. It was just like a soap opera or something that would happen on Desperate Housewives. We had been mad at each other since the Hanukkah started and after a lot of thinking and letting my feelings do the thinking, he came in and hugged me and I said the line of death, 'I don't want to be with you anymore.'

I can't say that it was the right thing to do, but I sit here now wondering if it was. If so, why do I feel guilty? Why does it feel like a pain in my chest? Is it truly, let go and see if it comes back? Or you fucked up something potentially good for you and now you must suffer? The things about break ups is that it is easier said than done. What happens after? Pain and sorrow.....

This is what it feels like to be on the other side....

A Master Key to a Great Marriage

Written by: Mirish Kiszner

We live in a world where everyone is looking for the secret key – the key to peace, serenity, blessings, abundance, health and everything good. Can there be one master key to open any door? What would that key be and how do we get hold of it?

There was once a wealthy man who lived simply and frugally. In his old age, however, he confided in a young friend that he wanted to live his last few years in style and comfort. Since he was old-fashioned, and had no children, he asked his good friend to undertake the project of hiring home designers and skilled architects to build him a state-of-the-art mansion.

The building of the structure soon began. Foundations were laid, brick by brick, story by story, the work was progressing well. And then our young man began to look for ways to cut corners. Having lived in a simple home all his life, what would the old fellow know about fine craftsmanship and superior quality? Besides, wouldn't it be a waste of money to build himself a house for just a few years? And so, the job was completed with cheap workmanship and second-hand material disguised under layers of sparkle and glitter. Few could tell the difference.

At the housewarming party, the elderly man stood up to publicly thank his young friend for all the effort he'd invested in the building of this project. And then, surprisingly, he handed the young man the key to the house. "Oh, I'm an old man," he explained. "What use have I for this mansion? It was for you, my good friend, that I'd intended the house to be built."

In today's world, where the operating principal is WIIFM (What's in it for me?), it helps to remember that whatever we do, we do for ourselves.

Although we all need to both give and take, a person with a giving attitude places a higher priority on giving then on taking.

A giving attitude means caring sincerely about the needs and wants of your spouse. All of us have needs and when we don't receive them, resentment can eat away at us. That is why it's important to maintain a balance of giving and taking between husband and wife. Yet, by placing the spotlight on myself, on receiving as much as I can, on ascertaining that my expectations are fulfilled, my demands seen to, we lose sight of the quality of the home we are trying to build, and love departs.

The act of giving is a G‑dly attribute. G‑d's giving is pure for He lacks nothing and thus takes nothing in return. We, too, who were created in the image of G‑d, contain the sublime power of giving, enabling us to spread happiness and to give of ourselves. Every person needs to have something on which to lavish his love and affection. No one's joy is complete unless he can share it with others.

In marriage, we have many opportunities to be giving and to fill our homes with loving-kindness. Handing something to your spouse is an act of giving. Greeting him or her in a friendly manner is a kindness, forgiving your spouse for something is making giving triumph.

Though it may appear that love engenders a giving attitude (we see that one who loves another will enjoy showering him with gifts and favors), actually, giving is what brings about love. A person comes to love the one to whom he gives. As a matter of fact, the root word of ahava is related to hav, which means to give. And in the timeless words of the Talmud, "If you want to keep the love of your friends make it your concern to seek his welfare."

What a person gives to another is never lost. By giving of ourselves, we extend a part of ourselves. This is the secret that unites, the glue that bonds, the embers that kindle true love. And this love, in turn, will make us want to go on giving; not only will it fill us with the pleasure and happiness that comes from giving, it will maintain and intensify this love. When there is love and peace between husband and wife, the shechina, the divine presence, resides in their home. There is no vessel that holds blessings except peace.

Giving, then, is the master key that opens the doors to happiness and contentment. It is the key to peace, serenity, blessings, abundance, health and everything good.

Happy Holidays

As we roll around to the end of year 2009 and slowly but swiftly approach 2010, we enter the one time a year people actually show who they really are. The shopping frenzy that takes over the under paid people's mind, the "shove down your throat" decorations of Christmas, when not everyone celebrates it, the predjustice of only selling an item for ONE holiday in a month that has about 4 holidays in it. The list goes one. This holiday season let us all reflect and remember the time we shared with our loved ones, our families, our friends, and ones who have passed away.

These memories are the ones that will visit us in our time of despair, in our time of need and in our time of loneliness. We are fundamentally never alone even when we are by ourselves. As humans we have the capability to recall certain memories and its this power that can both heal and destroy us. I challenge you this holiday season; whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, or Boxing Day, to live in the present, smile on the beautiful good memories, and cast away the negative one. It's a new day, and if the Mayans are correct, we have two more years to live. (laugh out loud) But honestly, why waste this time in sorrow, pain and negativity?

Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Jonny B. Mitchell