No More Wandering For This Jew

Passover is a time where every Jew reflects on the Exodus from Egypt. From the time of slavery to the ten plagues to the splitting of the red seas. Its a holiday where we remember wandering in the desert in hope of the Promised Land. We refrain from eating bread type foods and replace it with a flat lifeless piece of cracker. And every Passover, every Rabbi talks about reflection and overcoming modern day slavery. The slavery of ones self. The bondage that we put on ourselves.

I'm too fat. I'm too skinny. I'm too dark. I'm not dark enough. Am I too gay? I'm ugly. No one likes me. No one cares. If he loves me, why does he treat me like this?

These are the negativities we face in world, plus more. And two years ago, when I moved from Oakland to Sacramento, this was the slavery for me. I found myself in an abusive relationship that started out verbal but ended in physical. There were few good times but they were few and far between. He hated his life, his job, his car and always wondered why bad things happened. I was tricked into doing things I didn't want to do. I found myself wondering why I was being treated the way I was. 'Did I deserve to be called an idiot?' 'Did I deserve to be talked to like I'm five?' 'Was it my fault that he hit me?' 'Why do I let it?' 'Why can't I leave?'

It was one hell of an Egypt for me. I would wake up hating life, hating myself and hating everything. Just like he did. I felt I could do no better. Like this was as good as it would get.

Then Moses came. But I called him- college.

It was as if The Holy One, baruch sh'mo, opened the Red Seas and said, "Cross!" I was accepted into college in Long Beach and next thing I knew it; I flew down to visit on Monday, found a place Tuesday, flew back to Sacramento and started packing on Wednesday. My best friend, Ivan, didn't hesitate to saddle up the pickup, drive from Oakland and move me, my cat and all my stuff to Southern California. No real goodbyes. Only empty promises that I would keep in touch with him. And then, there was the desert.

The two relationships, and I use the term very loosely, I had after my Egypt were very short lived. It was time to start healing, and acting out was the only way I knew to show it. I found professional help and new friends to help me overcome. Even though I never lost contact with old friends, it hurt that I was so far away. School came and went. I could not find work, but had Unemployment to keep me afloat. But that had an expiration date. And it was getting very close to that date.

Just like my ancestors in the wilderness, there was manna from above that fell every so often. And as quickly as the journey began, it ended. And then I found myself in the happiest state that I was in before Sacramento. I found myself in love again and he was in love with me. He cares for my thoughts and my opinions. He makes me laugh, a lot. He isn't afraid to be patient when I am being impatient. We create balance and not chaos. We make love and eradicate hate. We aren't afraid to argue because no one is put down.

Then, I was forced back to Oakland, found work and he came along for the ride. Now, there is no more wandering for this Jew. This is my Promised Land.

May yours be closer than you can see. Ken Yehi Ratzon.

Can 'I Love You' Be Too Soon?

We live in a society that, for the most part, is run by religious institutions. These institutions tell you how to live, how to talk, how to live your life, what to do and what not to do. But none of these religious doctrines’ tell you how long it is acceptable to wait before saying 'I love you' to your partner.

So...

Can saying 'I love you' ever be said too soon?

Looking at text ranging from the Harlem Renaissance even as far back as the Biblical stories told, there is nothing that tells us how long to wait before love is acceptable to be voiced. William Shakespeare had all of his main leads quickly fall in love. Even characters from the Bible have no regards for length of time for love. The moment Jonathan saw David, he loved him and made sure David had everything. Even a chest to cry on before they split up because of the envious father. Jacob hadn't seen Rachel for all but ten minutes before he loved her and was willing to work 7 years and 1 week before he married Rachel, and then was willing to work 7 more years after he married Rachel. Samson hadn't known Delilah for a day and loved her, not knowing she was after much more and he ended up committing suicide after.

Even after all of these stories are told, we still are left with that nagging question: Is it okay to say those 3 words even if time hasn't lapsed? In the gay community, it is frowned upon. You will hear things like 'That's not love, its lust' or 'How can you love someone you barely know?' All good points, but all are also very cynical. Love is blind. You also hear this saying, too, especially from the same cynical people. If love is compared to the person it is modeled after, it would mean that love has no respect of physical condition, skin color or anything else that one sees with one’s eyes. So, shouldn't time be considered in this as well since, after all, blindness cannot see time?

Then, if this is true, why are we putting time limits on our inner most feelings? Is it to protect your inner most self? Is it to determine if the partner is worthy of such love? Whatever the reason, just let it go. Let it breathe, and let it flourish. Love is a beautiful thing that, like grass, grows at an incredible fast speed. Loving someone should not have any time limits attached. Because we are all created in love and that love is meant to be shared, displayed and recharged.

Therefore, saying I love you can never be said too soon. But be wise, not everyone is open to love as most people are. But never give up on love, never give up on voicing your love and never stop loving who you are.
 Chazak, chazak, v'nitchazek - Be strong, be strong, and may you have strength!

Yom Ga'avah {Happy Pride}

This Pride season has been a month of difficult journey, lessons and triumph. Even with all the anti-gay propaganda and the right wing religious view of Senator Ruben Diaz against gay marriage, we still gained one more victory to equal rights: New York State passed a law allowing same sex couples to marry. Baruch Ha'Shem! How wonderful it is to allow acceptance and tolerance into one's life. We have a lot to celebrate today and the rest of the Pride season. G-d is working G-d's miracles in the lives of true love and happiness, both gay and straight alike.

This Pride let us also remember the ones who died fighting for equal rights for all. Let us remember Stonewall. Let us not forget the men and women who died of AIDS before and after medication was created. Let us remember our Transgender sisters and brothers who were beaten to death because they were different. Let's remember that the journey isn't over just yet and we still have a way to travel. Zicronam L'vracha: The memories of the righteous will always be a blessing. Joseph F. Beam, David P. Brill, Stephen Donaldson, Steve Endean, Barbara Gittings, Harry Hay, Essex Hemphill, Brenda Howard, Morris Kight, Phyllis Lyon, Del Martin, Harvey Milk, Bayard Rustin, as well as others whom I may not know of or have forgotten.

As a community, both LGBT and straight, we must learn to love ourselves as well as others. We must learn to differentiate between religious ignorance and G-d's true love. I saw a dear friend of mine's picture that read, 'G-d Accepts You~ GAY' and I began to smile deeply. Love, light, happiness and acceptance is finally starting to shine through in the world. May we all continue to live, learn and grow in truth and beauty and create a better and more accepting world for everyone to live in. Oseh shalom bim'romav hu ya'aseh shalom aleinu v'al kol Yis'ra'eil v'im'ru Amein: May the One who makes peace, grant peace to all of us and to all Israel. To which we say, Amen.

Yom Ga'avah: Happy Pride!

For Colored Girls Review

'For Colored Girls' is a movie, written/directed/produced by Tyler Perry, about 9 women, each of the them portray one of the characters represented in the collection of twenty poems, revealing different issues that impact women in general and women of color in particular. The movie is based on Ntozake Shange's play "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf." and has gotten a vast amount of reviews; views on both ends of, if you will, the rainbow. Here I sat with esteemed blogger, SonofBaldwin and dynamic and respected blogger Toddy English as we discussed our own review on this movie:

Sonofbaldwin: Okay, so Jon, please tell Todd what they said to you.

Solobeatz: OMG so I got this dedicated to me after my post: If you hated "For Colored Girls" you need your Black card revoked. We supported "Boys In The Hood" and the other ghetto documentaries, why can't we support Tyler Perry? And then ‘It’s mostly just insecure black men who disliked the movie.’

Toddy English: Furies save us...*shaking my damn head*

Solobeatz: right

Toddy English: I actually got an e-mail asking me "Why do I hold Tyler Perry to such high standards" Like...uhm...maybe because I'm spending money to see his movies?

Sonofbaldwin: My maleness, whatever that means, wasn't insulted by this film so much as my gayness was. And even then, my outrage wasn't so much for myself as it was for Ntozake Shange, who had to watch Tyler Perry mangle her work.

Solobeatz : Maybe if his stories weren’t repeated every time and stereotypical I wouldn’t.

Sonofbaldwin : Let's be clear: Anything good about this film had nothing to do with Perry. It was the actors who made this film even remotely watchable.

Toddy English : I guess everyone went to the same colored theater and heard the irate church girls castigating the Omari Hardwick character...

Solobeatz : RIGHT!

Toddy English : Exactly , this was a true ACTORS movie

Solobeatz : All I heard was 'faggot' this 'fag boy' that but the rape scene was just....'o that’s a freak'

Toddy English : Now how sick is that?

Solobeatz : And we wonder why the black community is so disgusted by homosexuality

Sonofbaldwin : It tells us a great deal about what it means to be considered "a man" in this country.

Toddy English : What bothered me was how many black women were laughing about the domestic violence, rape, and scenes of potential violence

Sonofbaldwin : They laughed??

Toddy English : Are black people really this fucked up? Yes! It floored me

Sonofbaldwin : Wow.

Toddy English : Homophobia aside

Solobeatz : And the fanatic scenes of Whoppis character were added with laughter

Sonofbaldwin : Maybe they laughed in order to distance themselves from something that might have hit close to home?

Toddy English : When Tessa Thompson's character was being "exorcised" the fools in my theater thought the shit was funny. That was not CUTE. I think so Rob. That was the first thing that came to mind

Sonofbaldwin : Being gay, I think we have a special sensitivity to the whole "exorcism" bullshit.

Solobeatz : Mine too, I know I do

Toddy English : I imagine most of those women in the theater were probably abused, molested, or raped, and you laugh to keep from crying

Sonofbaldwin : It's very pervasive.

Solobeatz : or the dudes were dealing with their own sexual insecurities

Sonofbaldwin : Jon, the guys in your theater were making remarks?

Solobeatz : Whoa yes!

Toddy English : Most of the hatred of the Omari Hardwick character came from the women in my theater...

Sonofbaldwin : Mine too.

Toddy English : It was just flat out sickening

Solobeatz : EVERYTIME he was shown

Toddy English : I even told one of them to shut up

Solobeatz : I couldn’t even get the affect of the rape scene because of the constant remarks

Sonofbaldwin : Mostly women in my theater and they didn't mind spewing their homophobia. Black women, now.

Toddy English : Exactly. It was heinous. But it is not like Omari's character helped matters though. He was so thin and one dimensional...Tyler Perry wrote him in as a plot device, nothing more nothing less.

Sonofbaldwin : Speaking of the rape scene, and I hate to phrase it that way, but Anika Noni Rose, in her scene following the rape, was the essential truth.

Toddy English : She really was. I loved how vulnerable she was in that scene.

Sonofbaldwin : Everyone in that film was a plot device.

Solobeatz : It shows that Hollywood only sees black gay men as disease carrying cheaters incapable of having a honest relationship with either a man or a woman

Toddy English : exactly@Jon

Sonofbaldwin : May I ask a question: Why didn't they let Kasi Lemmons direct this movie?

Toddy English : That storyline could have been better had empathy been built towards that character...Instead we get a sensationalized stereotype just to get an audience reaction. Why no Kasi? Easy. Money.

Solobeatz : SMDH

Sonofbaldwin : I guess you're right, Todd. Hollywood is a business, after all. A dirty business.

Toddy English : They know Tyler Perry's name alone guarantees tickets. Moreover, Tyler's writing is so paltry that his target audience can really GET IT.

Solobeatz : Maybe if I go to a white theater it may be different. Oh wait, its for colored girls. Sorry.

Toddy English : lol What could have been an uplifting and empowering movie just turned out to be a big way that black women could come together to hate on closeted gay men.

Sonofbaldwin : Part of me believes that he purposely writes on a third grade level because he underestimates the intelligence of his audience. Or to be put more bluntly, he believes his audience is stupid or uneducated and he wants to make sure they get the messages.

Toddy English : BINGO! I feel the same way. This is a hustle to him. He knows his audience. So he is exploiting them

Solobeatz : I stopped watching Tyler Perry not because he's Tyler Perry but cause he can’t seem to think outside the stereotypical box when it comes to black issues. Someone has to be raped, or abused or infected by something or be a hoe.

Toddy English : EXACTLY!

Sonofbaldwin : And let me just tell you: They are a loyal bunch, the Tyler Perry followers.

Toddy English : Yes they are honey. YES. THEY. ARE

Solobeatz : Just like....wait for it......the fanatics Christians they claim to be. Yes I went there

Toddy English : this negro could fart and write a script about it and they would go in droves

Solobeatz : to the midnight showings in masses, but don't diss him too loud, we may get our black card revoked.

Toddy English : What's funny is that they all refuse to entertain the notion that Perry himself might be a Queen. Which is why they are so quick to espouse the homophobia

Solobeatz : I'm waiting for the NAACP to call me any moment.

Toddy English : Which sickens me. With his sexual confusion and ambiguity Perry should have had more empathy for his DL character. lol so true. Tyler Perry is almost untouchable in the black community, seriously. It's like if you ridicule him you'll be tarred and feathered.

Sonofbaldwin : So, as I was saying: the Cult of Tyler Perry is STRONG, let me tell you. It reminds me, very much, of the idiots of New Birth church in Atlanta, following their down-low preacher, Eddie Long.

Toddy English : Exactly. Same thing.

Solobeatz : You want me to get on that issue? Fine.

Toddy English : The irony is that they hate homosexuality yet FLOCK to gay leaders...lol

Solobeatz : This is why I left the Christian faith.

Sonofbaldwin : Isn't that ironic, though? That these people who DESPISE gays follow them to the edge of the cliff--as long as the gay person never admits it?

Toddy English : LOL crazy

Solobeatz : It was too much hypocrisy and hatred. How can Jesus love me but say I'm going to hell because I'm gay? Really?

Sonofbaldwin : Don't try it Jon, because the Jews ain't no better when it comes to homosexuality. Orthodox Jews in NY entertained gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino and agreed with his homophobic stance. The problem isn't just Christianity; it's religion PERIOD.

Toddy English : Religion in general is anti-gay. That is why I think gays, if they must have it, should invite their own religion.

Sonofbaldwin : Right @ Todd!

Toddy English : It really is easy. I've successfully exchanged "Oh my god" for "By The Furies." It really is simple.

Sonofbaldwin : You will definitely hear me thank Gaea or Athena or Isis at any given time of the day. LOL!

Solobeatz : I will admit, Orthodox Jews are no better. But when I chose to re-embrace Judaism I made sure to go into a branch that welcomes gay rabbis and openly gay members with open arms

Toddy English : I personally feel no need for religion. Growing up a devout Christian and then leaving that mentality behind I came to the realization that I was conditioned to "need" it rather than actually needing it.

Sonofbaldwin : @Jon: That's like saying, "When I go down south, I make sure that I go to the Ku Klux Klan rally that only yells at black people rather than lynch them." The institution ITSELF is the problem, not the interpretation of some of its members.

Solobeatz : Ok fine, I will go back to Wiccan then.

Sonofbaldwin : Preach, Todd! LOL @ Jon!

Solobeatz : There solved that one. Lol

Toddy English : And I can't really bother reconciling myself with a faith that deems me abominable just for the sake of having faith. So I don't get religious gays...lol But that is their right so...

Solobeatz : It is, but I don’t see myself as religious for the record. I typically don’t keep kosher, I don’t chant Torah, hmmm.....I wonder how my mother would feel.

Sonofbaldwin : But we digress: Now that we've trashed this film, was there anything you liked about it? Whose performances did you like best?

Solobeatz : I think Phylica Rashad was good for when she was shown.

Toddy English : Oh I can't rave enough about the actresses

Solobeatz : And Whoppi played the hell out her character.

Toddy English : I love Phylicia Rashad in everything. A truly beautiful actress who has mastered her art

Sonofbaldwin : Phylicia Rasahd shined in the scene where she comforts Thandie Newton's character.

Solobeatz : Whoa yes!

Toddy English : I loved Thandie Newton. Some people think she was over the top; but I loved every moment she was on screen.

Solobeatz : They sleep on her too much

Sonofbaldwin : But, and Jon you mentioned this earlier: Why did she run down the stairs to get help for Kimberly Elise's character instead of helping her or calling the cops?

Solobeatz : Right! I mean, you can get keys and walk into people's apartment all throughout but when it matters MOST....you run 5 FLIGHTS and yelling in the street

Sonofbaldwin : What was running downstairs going to do--except put the characters exactly where Tyler wanted them to be (all together on the street) when Michael Ealy dropped those kids out of the window.

Toddy English : I was not feelin Loretta Devine. I believe Tyler Perry wanted to play Madea for that part and opted for Loretta Devine after Shanges (sp?) held him at gun point

Sonofbaldwin : @Todd: I don't think Thandie was over the top, but I didn't buy her performance as authentic. Thandie is normally a remarkable actress, though. She was the SHIT in BELOVED.

Solobeatz : And was I the only one who saw 'The Color Purple' (yet again) and Waiting to Exhale written into the script?

Sonofbaldwin : Right. Loretta DeVine was the Colored Girl Madea. And The Devil Wears Prada.

Toddy English : oh TOO much devil wears Prada honey. I thought Miranda Priestly got a tan

Solobeatz : Oh how could I forget Janet's character!

Sonofbaldwin : Down to the hairstyle.

Solobeatz : But like all of his movies, we had the bitch character with no reason to why she was a bitch.

Toddy English : Sorta like he stole the scene from An Officer and a Gentlemen at the end of Diary of a Mad Black Woman

Solobeatz : Except she had money. Is that how all black women are in power and money?

Toddy English : I think Perry has something against wealthy people in general. If you are impoverished you are good. Wealthy, you are evil.

Solobeatz : But yet he idolizes Oprah.

Toddy English : Thank you! His big ole rich fag hag

Solobeatz : He wants to be her, drag and all

Toddy English : YES SIR!

Sonofbaldwin : Oprah is his therapy buddy. They have the common experience of abuse between them. They exalt their abuse to god-like status. Include Mo'Nique and Lee Daniels in the bunch, too.

Toddy English : I know...Sexual abuse is no joke but sometimes I wonder...How much can you put your childhood trauma on display?

Solobeatz : Until people stop paying to see it.

Toddy English : Oprah will tell you she was raped and molested before she'll tell you what time it is

Sonofbaldwin : I've decided that Oprah, Tyler, Lee and Mo'Nique are engaged in a public revenge fantasy. Their art is revenge against the people who abused them when they were young and we're all watching it played out. In the process, however, they're giving the world a distorted picture of black life. Sure, life ain't all good. But it damn sure ain't all bad, either.

Toddy English : Yep. All of Perry's insecurities and foibles are available throughout his films.

Solobeatz : Life is life, but damn, can I see some roses sometimes?

Toddy English : It sickens me that this is the sum of black life according to him. What about an ordinary dysfunctional black family that does not have rapes, beatings, and molestation? Exactly. Sometimes *gasp* life can be sweet.

Solobeatz : OMG really? I could never tell.

Sonofbaldwin : Their work gives white people permission to say, "See? I told you they were animals! That's why we have to oppress them. Left to their own devices, black people will destroy us all." In Tyler's movies, women can only be happy when they marry their dream guy.

Solobeatz : Bobby you are so dead on. A big muscular wealthy black man

Toddy English : EXACTLY! A light skinned muscular dream boat. OH he gotta be saved too, don't forget that. Furies forbid you marry a man that ain't saved

Sonofbaldwin : YES @ LIGHTSKINNED! Only one exception was that fine ass Idris Elba in DADDY'S LITTLE GIRLS.

Toddy English : Yeah he may be working and be really nice...BUT if he ain't got jesus he ain't shit

Solobeatz : Oh, I love him.

Toddy English : Amen FINE @$$ Idris

Solobeatz : Stringer Bell

Toddy English : Chile let me quit

Sonofbaldwin : Am I the only one who thinks that Idris Elba and that chocolate piece of lightning Lance Gross are FINE? Lol

Solobeatz : LOL. Add me to the bunch

Toddy English : Add me, especially on Idris! I'd let that man touch my body like Mariah Carey!

Sonofbaldwin : Idris is probably a top, though. We'd never work out. LOL!

Solobeatz : HA!

Toddy English : I love those tops

Solobeatz : Amen

Sonofbaldwin : LOL @ Mariah. Oh, man--did you hear she had to drop out of FOR COLORED GIRLS because she was pregnant, but then lost that baby? She's pregnant again, though.

Solobeatz : Wow.

Sonofbaldwin : And we love you right back @ Todd! Lol

Toddy English : Oh I didn't know she lost a baby! But she is still expecting. I think it is due early next year. So she wasn't takin no chances. I would have liked to have seen her in the role though.

Solobeatz : I'm not a big Mariah fan.

Sonofbaldwin : Oh, and let me not forget to shout out Tessa Thompson! She was impeccable in the dance school scene. And Macy Gray was FRIGHTENING!

Solobeatz : 'Open yo legs girl' I vomited a little

Toddy English : I loved Tessa Thompson every since her role on Cold Case a few years ago...That was an excellent episode. lol Jon. So true. Macy did scare the shit out of me.

Solobeatz : So apparently the queen who tried to come for me on my comment was read by someone else. About saying how could having an opinion make me insecure?

Toddy English : Some people go to any length to defend his mediocre work

Sonofbaldwin : I'll give Tyler credit for recognizing a diva when he sees one. (How can people NOT believe he's gay? LOL!)

Solobeatz : No, no, no he isn’t gay. Never. *looks around rolling eyes*

Toddy English : LOL I know right? I mean he just SCREAMS Queen. Even my mother, who is in her 60's, asked me if he was gay

Solobeatz : I remember when he told Oprah that he was added room in his closet for someone special. Never saw that woMAN did we?

Toddy English : LOL

Sonofbaldwin : Oh, BTW: The numbers are in. FOR COLORED GIRLS comes in third behind Megamind and Due Date: http://boxofficemojo.com/weekend/chart/

Toddy English : Well, he did bring his gay man's girlfriend with him to a premiere (the gay man's GF: Tall, think, modelesque, and is only with a male celeb for a photo op). Oh thank goodness. Maybe people are waking up to Tyler Perry's Tom Foolery.

Solobeatz : Now that all has been said here, I will finally do my blog on this....wonderful, inspiring, uplifting movie of Tyler's that he always seems to do. *sarcasm*

Toddy English : lol I don't think Perry has any incentive to prove

Solobeatz : At all

Toddy English : It's like throwing raw meat to squirrels. If the squirrels have no nuts and get hungry enough they'll eat the meat.

Solobeatz : Right!

Toddy English : And Robert, you were right about one thing. During Omari Hardwick's cruising scenes I felt the MOST authenticity...Miss Perry knew how to film and direct those! sho nuff

Solobeatz : Shhhh....we wouldn’t want his secret to get out. Lol

Toddy English : Lmao

Sonofbaldwin : LOL!

Solobeatz : Shall we say an ending prayer? Lol

Sonofbaldwin : Hell nah. Lol

Solobeatz : lmao

Toddy English : Furies Be praised

Sonofbaldwin : LOL!

Solobeatz : Praise be to Yevon
Sonofbaldwin : O mighty Isis! Okay, fellas. I am off! You have a lovely day!

Solobeatz : Ciao

*For more blogs by these wonderful men visit Son of Baldwin at http://sonofbaldwin.blogspot.com/, Toddy English at http://sirtoddyenglish.blogspot.com/ and Solobeatz at http://solobeatz.blogspot.com/ *

Serenity Prayer

Theres a prayer intended to give strength to ppl faced with circumstances they don't want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from its insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against against the hand that life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowardly and afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear u and answer ur prayer. The bad news is that sometimes, the answer is no.

"We ask God to grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change. The courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Day 7

Today is the day and last night was off the fucking chain, excuse the french. If you haven't viewed B-TV # 6 'Birthday Bash' then you are truly missing the experience. It was funny how it all started out crazy and disorganized, but came together at the very very end. My best friend was supposed to be here Friday but complications with her mothers health kept her in Stockton till yesterday. So, she was suppose to be here yesterday morning to cook me a birthday breakfast but that didnt really happen till my actual birthday. I was suppose to get my hair redone at 2 and expected to be out the house at 330, but the fates had it that my hair stylist to come at 12 cuz it took her 2 hours to redo it. I got my last minute party favors and headed out the door to meet others at the BART station in El Cerrito.
We got to the Mint and even thought 15 people RSVP'd, I was glad to just kick it with the 6 that showed up. We took the house down and my only present I asked for was a drink. There was a dark man with 23 year old dreads who sung me 2 songs, one was Prince 'Little Red Corvette' and something else, and bought me a drink. I had another white man sing me a song and also bye me a drink and the place gave me a free drink with a naked man on the side.......of the glass. I sung my two favorite songs in the entire world, 'Get Me Bodied' by Beyonce and 'And I Am Telling You' the Jennifer Holiday version.
We ended the night at dinner and was astonished that Mel's Diner charges 5 dollars for a side of bacon. NEVER AGAIN!!! But all in all, it was a wonderful night. I want to thank all of my friends and loved ones who wished me a happy birthday yesterday and today. I love you all.

B-TV #6

Day 6

Mission one I'ma put this on
When he see me in the dress I'ma get me some
Mission two Gotta make that call
Tell him get the bottles poppin' when they play my song
Mission three Got my three best friends
Like we do it all the time we gone do it again
Mission four Got the vintage Rolls Drop a couple hundreds tell him leave it at the door

Mission five Skip to the front of the line
Let me fix my hair up 'fore I go inside
Mission six Gotta check these chicks 'Cause you know they gone block when I take these flicks Mission seven Gotta make my rounds
Given eyes to the guys now I think I found him
Mission eight Now we conversate And we can skip small talk let's get right to the chase

I ain't worried doing me tonight A little sweat ain't never hurt nobody
While ya'll standin' on the wall I'm the one tonight Getting bodied
Want my body You want my body You should see my body
I gotta know enough to know if you can get me bodied I'm kinda tight,
I'm feeling right enough to see somebody
I wanna let it off tonight
Wanna dance, wanna party wanna be myself tonight

Baby all I want is to let it go Ain't no worries, no, We can dance all night
Get me bodied That means come closer to me
While we grind to the beat And your body's touching my body
All I need is to let it be Ain't no worry, no Boy dance with me
Feel my body Don't stop just come closer to me
While we grind to the beat With your body touching my body

Day 5

As we draw near to the day of days, I have so many ideas in my head for my party and the upcoming year of my life. I am preparing for a big change and a huge move that's about to happen and these next few days will help me get ready.

I want to thank all my friends and supporters who have helped me get this far. You are greatly loved and appreciated. When we get big and loud, we will change the blog world and slowly everything else. Now, I sound like Obamas campaign. YAY!!! YES WE CAN!!!

"Give me love or give me nothing"

Day 4

Aquarius/Pisces are often multitalented, both in scientific and creative endeavors. They are unique and rebellious people who are driven to change the world. However, they can be shy, quiet and sometimes elusive, refusing to show their true selves. They are modest and thoughtful, sometimes displaying remarkable musical talent. Their freedom is important to them, and they are often driven to help others become free, as well.

The great strength of the Aquarius/Pisces is in their visionary nature and their compassion. They are the people who take the world to the next level; they make others see things in a new light. Their ability to break the rules and help others reach their fullest potential makes them one of the most understanding characters of the zodiac.

"Please dont stop the music"

Day 3

Half way mark to the finish line. 22 years will be over and baby new year of 23 will be arriving. There’s just something about rainy days that have my mind in overdrive and the small things that would normally wash away on any given Sunday, meld into my spirit and cause me to over do everything. Over analyze, over-think, overcompensate, overreact, etc. But now the sun is back and out and I am back on track.

One of my best friend is coming out to see me for my birthday and I couldn’t be happier if it is only just me and her. Nevertheless, its human nature to want to be the center of attention amongst folks who you know on a day that especially made for you. Remember kiddies, the party starts at 5 and I’m taking my drunk ass home at 9. So don’t try to be cute, and be fashionably late to make an entrance cuz you will get left. That being said, I need to go and find an outfit and get my thoughts together for my big birthday speech.

Thanks all.

“I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does”

Day 2

I am no superman. I can not do this all on my own. Lord give me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cant and the wisdom to know the difference.

"Rain rain go away..."

Day 1

The last Monday of my 22nd year from birth is a slow and rainy one. I am sifting out who I want in my life still and also making sense of the sitcom my life has become. Granted the 22nd will just be another day in the Universe, it will mark a day I will enter another year, LESS stressed and less dramatically filled.

"Its my week and I will cry if I want to."

Countdown Begins

As we draw nigh to the 23rd celebration of my life, feelings and excitement swell up in the temples of my head. You would think it would be in my heart, but no such luck. My head is swimming with ideas for themes and fears of a poor turn out. I have made peace with my best friends not being able to attend, seeing how distance is a major factor, but we will celebrate times two when we can. Nevertheless, its exciting to be this far in my life when ppl said I wouldn't make it to see this age, and given the fact that I have health issues, it really brings tears to my eyes. I thank my guardian deity for protection and guidance and for the real friends that I do have. I thank my deity for allowing me to be in the area in which I love with all my heart and have a house in my name and no one elses.

Thus the countdown begins as we prepare to launch on a very special day. T-minus 7 days....

Friends, Dating and Inbetween

Most people who are stuck on one definition of relationships are in for nothing more than heartbreak, heartache and confusion. There are steps to getting to know someone, whether that ends up romantically or just platonically, so don't kid yourself to thinking there isn't. When you first meet someone, you are at a cross road for a decision. Do I want to be with this person or do I just want to be friends, or even do I want to deal with them? Whatever the answer is, the underlying reason is the same, 'let me get to know this person better'. When that happens, you understand what you want from person A and proceed to go for it. The confusion and whatnot happens when person B wants something different. Before I continue let me clear something up.

Once you answer the basic question of wanting to deal with this person, if you are trying to be romantically involved with person B then you must understand that there are steps:

• First, for any relationship to flourish as well as you dream of, it is imperative that you start out as friends. This being said, its almost impossible to get hurt if the other says he isn't feeling you on that level and would want to remain......friends.
• Secondly, the term 'talking to' is the same as 'dating'. Here you are still single and still free to mingle and talk to, or date, whomever. Respect needs to arise and inform said people of each other so if a relationship does happen between one of you, there is no, 'Well why didn't you tell me?' drama.
• Then, once you see that you really like this person and you guys mesh well, you enter the stage of a relationship. Here, it is illegal in the relationship handbook to continue your ties with others. Or in layman's term, cheating, since being in a relationship is a commitment, not a game.

So before any of this takes place, understanding and openness is the key to a lasting friendship if nothing else. This is essential if person A is talking to a person B and C and it just so happens that person B and C are close friends. Now, in the technical sense of this situation its perfectly fair and nothing wrong with dating people who know each other. I mean, come on, we live in the same area, we are bond to know the same people. The issue, however, arises, when one person doesn't like that you're talking to their friend. Most people would wonder if there was any past feelings between the friends B and C and ask why is it an issue. Most people would say, person A is single so get over it. However, in the gay sense of things, people claim other people and EXPECT everyone else to abide by these rules and if they are not kept, then its marked messy and you are marked a bad person.

The truth of the matter is that life is 10% of things that happen to us and 90% of how we respond to it. If you end a friendship over someone you are interested in who chose your friend, that makes you the weak one and not them. Build a bridge, accept their happiness and move on. I mean, if it was some other Joe Blow off the street, would it really matter or would you still have a friend?

Exactly.

Saint Valentine's Day

For years I despised this holiday. I hated the very thought of this day. I dreaded February 13th ending, making it the 14th. I had these emotions for years and years dating back to high school. Recently, I learned to hate it over my last few ex's who never took part in the holiday with ME.

But now 2009, its a new day.

Friday, February 6th, I began to tap into an energy and power in me that I had forgot was there. During the "hurricane season" that I experienced last year, I lost touch of my inner spirit and the power it posses. But on this Friday, I not only attracted happiness, I attracted money, love, sharing and a rainbow. Yes, a rainbow. There was nothing like it ever. Typically when we see a rainbow, we either see a half of it, or bits an pieces of it. But this one was over the Fremont Bart Station, stretching from one mountain to the next. No half, no pieces...just full. That night, I watching a video on YouTube that had me crying balls of tears like I had just seen a sad movie. This man was disabled and couldn't get around but he was giving a testimony about how he hung in there and never gave up. What got my attention was the passage from the bible he used was the exact one I post on here for inspiration. When he was done, I was a mess. So I felt even more powerful and decided to put my order back on the line for a man. Shit, if I can attract a rainbow, I damn sure better be able to get a man.

So I gave the list that I wanted my man to have. Muscular body, i added at the very least he could be athletically build, caring, loving, humor, funny, affectionate....you know the works. But one thing I failed to mention was that he be ready and willing to be in a relationship. SOOOO, Saturday as I am cleaning, I get a call from this guy who I completely forgot about from when I first moved to Cali, wanted to take me out. On a new high off life, I agreed and when I hung up it smacked me in the face that EVERYTHING I put out last night, this man was. He was muscular, not the big body building types, the perfect muscle type, funny, caring, kind...blah blah.

Now when I get to the City (San Fran), I get off the BART and there is some guy walking by me and he smiled and waved. Normally, I would have just smiled and walked away but something in me broke. I smiled, walked away but stopped dead in my tracks and was like, what if the Universe sent him? So I did an about face and approached this out of the blue guy. I asked him for directions (knowing already where I was going) and he had the most charming smile I ever seen. Well, I didn't get his name cuz I thought if it was meant, that Id see him again. At least I approached him and proved to the Universe that I didn't neglect him. Now, the date was superb. He was a perfect gentlemen, opened doors for me, ordered for me, placed his hand on the small of my back, the works. We talked for hours and before I knew it, it was one o clock in the morning and I had got to the city at six.

Once I left the date, it was all like a dream. I loved the feeling I felt, the high I was one and was really asking myself, was this joy real? Not since Dax, have I went on a date with a guy that I had no expectations for and no aim to what was going to happen next. At least I was that powerful to attract what I wanted. May not be what I need, but it damn sure is what I want. So this Valentine's Day I will be in such a joyous mood and even IF I am alone on this day, I will def. not be lonely.

That much I can say to be true!

B-TV #5 "Valentine's Day Affirmation"

Broadcast Television brings you the fifth installment of the series. Join Jonny B. Mitchell as he brings you the new 'Poetry Corner' and gives you affirmations to enjoy the upcoming Valentine's Day...

Do Not Cry

Dedicated to Krys, Glennie and Katrina; all whom were close and have passed on.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glimpse of snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumns rain.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die

U Sex and the Town Episode 3

Episode 3

Birthday Bash

Today was my dear friend Maurice Jamal's birthday and we all met at the Elephant Bar to mix and mingle. The atmosphere was immediately a warm and funny one and the night ran for three hours long and we didn't even realize it. We talked about Obama and the craze America is going through and how the bailout should consist of Obama products. Selling that on Ebay will get us out the hole. How many people do you know owns an Obama T-shirt, picture, key chain, boxers, panties, bras?

We talked about the olden days about Battle of the Network Stars (before my time, of course), UHF televisions, the theme parties and my mother being the head of the Sandwich Ministry in her church. All in all, I smiled so hard and laughed so hard that my muscles started aching. I haven't laughed and enjoyed company like that for so long. Thank You Maurice and Happy 25th Birthday...again. LOL.