No More Wandering For This Jew

Passover is a time where every Jew reflects on the Exodus from Egypt. From the time of slavery to the ten plagues to the splitting of the red seas. Its a holiday where we remember wandering in the desert in hope of the Promised Land. We refrain from eating bread type foods and replace it with a flat lifeless piece of cracker. And every Passover, every Rabbi talks about reflection and overcoming modern day slavery. The slavery of ones self. The bondage that we put on ourselves.

I'm too fat. I'm too skinny. I'm too dark. I'm not dark enough. Am I too gay? I'm ugly. No one likes me. No one cares. If he loves me, why does he treat me like this?

These are the negativities we face in world, plus more. And two years ago, when I moved from Oakland to Sacramento, this was the slavery for me. I found myself in an abusive relationship that started out verbal but ended in physical. There were few good times but they were few and far between. He hated his life, his job, his car and always wondered why bad things happened. I was tricked into doing things I didn't want to do. I found myself wondering why I was being treated the way I was. 'Did I deserve to be called an idiot?' 'Did I deserve to be talked to like I'm five?' 'Was it my fault that he hit me?' 'Why do I let it?' 'Why can't I leave?'

It was one hell of an Egypt for me. I would wake up hating life, hating myself and hating everything. Just like he did. I felt I could do no better. Like this was as good as it would get.

Then Moses came. But I called him- college.

It was as if The Holy One, baruch sh'mo, opened the Red Seas and said, "Cross!" I was accepted into college in Long Beach and next thing I knew it; I flew down to visit on Monday, found a place Tuesday, flew back to Sacramento and started packing on Wednesday. My best friend, Ivan, didn't hesitate to saddle up the pickup, drive from Oakland and move me, my cat and all my stuff to Southern California. No real goodbyes. Only empty promises that I would keep in touch with him. And then, there was the desert.

The two relationships, and I use the term very loosely, I had after my Egypt were very short lived. It was time to start healing, and acting out was the only way I knew to show it. I found professional help and new friends to help me overcome. Even though I never lost contact with old friends, it hurt that I was so far away. School came and went. I could not find work, but had Unemployment to keep me afloat. But that had an expiration date. And it was getting very close to that date.

Just like my ancestors in the wilderness, there was manna from above that fell every so often. And as quickly as the journey began, it ended. And then I found myself in the happiest state that I was in before Sacramento. I found myself in love again and he was in love with me. He cares for my thoughts and my opinions. He makes me laugh, a lot. He isn't afraid to be patient when I am being impatient. We create balance and not chaos. We make love and eradicate hate. We aren't afraid to argue because no one is put down.

Then, I was forced back to Oakland, found work and he came along for the ride. Now, there is no more wandering for this Jew. This is my Promised Land.

May yours be closer than you can see. Ken Yehi Ratzon.

Being Gay in a Religious World

For some of us, these two worlds should never collide but others of us think that the two should. For being gay to almost 99% of the gay and bisexual community is something that is formed at birth but because of the religious world we live in, that numbers dwindles because of the thought that it can be fixed. This is the first error that has caused many believers who are gay to abandon their faith. For how can G-d love one part of you but condemn the rest? It seems almost like a contradiction, but to the religious, the almighty can not contradict itself.  So for that, we must look at the bigger picture: are these people mixing in their disapproval into their faith? As an outsider, I say yes. Because many of these people have either; never met a gay man or lesbian woman, had a conversation with them and/or put aside their anger long enough to reach out.

Every year for Pride I see the same religious people boycotting and picketing the parade. I encounter the same closed minded people who think that being gay is a disease that they don’t want to catch. And every year, instead of being upset and yelling back at these people, I reevaluate myself and my faith. I ask myself, ‘How can I better my people so these types of things don’t happen?’  and ‘Where can I start changing the public’s negative image of homosexuality?’ Each answer I come up with is, my Beit K'nesset which means "place of assembly".  If we are to change the world, we first must change ourselves. We need to show our own brothers and sisters that there is love to be found if you only just look with positive eyes. We need to get rid of negative connotations towards other gay men and women. We as a people have to start teaching tolerance to our kids, because that’s who holds tomorrow’s world. We can’t just tell them to love other people and then turn around and tell our friends how much you dislike drag queens, or that gay people shouldn’t adopt children. With this kind of attitude, nothing will ever change for any of us; Gay or straight, religious or atheist.

So with this coming Rosh Hashanah, I challenge all of you to make amends and change your ways and thoughts of negativity. Help others by first helping yourself and those closest to you. Be the light of hope that your community needs and don’t wait for someone else to do it because it may never get done. Gay men and women, transgender men and women, bisexual men and women, straight men and women, it doesn’t matter what you identify with, we are all the same inside. We are all emotional, breathing and talented human beings. Now let’s treat each other as such. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d’s will.

The Concept of G-d; Man’s Creation

In a world filled with violence and pain, sorrow and despair, we as humans find a way to fill the void of tragedy anyway we can. Most of us run to religion because we want some sort of hope in the face of chaos. Some of us turn to science because we want to make rationalizations about the events happening in our lives. And select few of us turn to death and plead with him to remove us from the battlefield. But whichever choice you pick, the one choice that seems to be picked by many people is the concept that G-d is the reason behind it. G-d is either unpleased with a group so G-d sends a hurricane. Or G-d is disgusted with a sect and so G-d sends terrorists. Or an earthquake, or tsunami or a famine or the cliché; a flood. However you want to word it is fine but you must realize that everything said is only man’s concept of G-d.

No one has spoken to G-d directly and no one has seen G-d at all and anyone telling you they have is not telling the full truth. The Bible, which my Christian counterparts will so lovely point out, is the only truth there is. But I most protest; the bible is only collections of stories written by humans and translated by humans (bigot, racist, ignorant and homophobic humans). And yet we are required to believe what they say because they had a direct line to the Divine? Ridiculous. The only thing Jews follow from the bible, or Tanach (which is a compilation of what Christians titled the Old Testament), are the laws of Moses and even those have evolved and been rewritten, some done away with. The other stories, before and after, are just that; good reads and great inspiration for occasions, like Passover or Shavuot.  But where does G-d come in at? G-d is shown speaking to people, most of the time in warning of destruction. G-d is also seen as being on fire or moving like a cloud. All these accounts are just a wonderful painting to what people think of G-d. But no one knows who G-d is exactly so they make up ideas about G-d and tell people they have heard from G-d.

One thing I know about any deity created from the thought of man is that the idea is only functional to the person who believes. And for that, my G-d is not vengeful so G-d will not send natural occurrences to punish any person. My G-d is all inclusive because if in fact we are all created by Divine image (both godlike and angelic) then all people, regardless of race, sexual orientation, creed, disability, ethnicity are all loved and are without flaw and blemish in the eyes of G-d.  The concept of sin is different in every religion so too is sin a man made imposition. G-d is both perfect and imperfect because I am both. G-d is emotional because I am emotional. G-d is one because I am one. G-d’s will is my will because my will is G-d’s will. All of these concepts make G-d real for me, but I will not burden someone who believes Bacchus, or someone who believes the Earth is their G-d.

So all these prayers given up to ones divine deity about peace will never come to pass until these same people accept and understand that G-d is different for everyone. G-d doesn’t just work for one group of persons and not another. And the many names that people may call their G-d are all welcome: Zeus, Jupiter, Buddha, Jesus, Gaia, Chronos, Adonai, Goddess, Li Grand Zombi, among many others. This type of tolerance will bring the love that the Divine has destined to be in our lives. This type of acceptance will bring the peace in which was founded on our slowly dying planet. But until that happens, nothing will change if people don’t change closed minded thoughts. The concept of G-d will forever be man’s creation and it will soon lead to much heartache and pain if it isn’t rethought and revamped. Hine mah tov uMah Nayim shevet achim gam yachad. That is my prayer and my wish for all humans to live together in unity. Ken yehi ratzon.

Nachamu, Nachamu Ami!

Isaiah says, "Nachamu, Nachamu Ami Yomer Eloheychem" Which translated means, 'Comfort, Comfort my people says your G-d.' which is the passage that starts off our Haftarah portion after Tisha B'Av, a day of mourning in Jewish tradition. After weeks of reducing our joy in commemoration of many horrible events, two of which are the temples that were both destroyed on the ninth of Av (the first by the Babylonians in 586 B.C.E.; the second by the Romans in 70 C.E), we are given a reminder that G-d is there to comfort us in time of tragic events. Even when it feels that the Divine has removed itself from our presence, the Divine reminds us that we are still comforted by the thoughts of life, love and togetherness. A rabbi once told me that G-d isn't in me, or you but between us. The comfort is there when we need it and is able to tapped into whenever we are ready. My question to you is; what comforts you today?

A few weeks before Tisha B'Av, I was admitted to the hospital for six days because of a deadly, contagious virus I had contracted through the air. I was in so much pain that my morphine intake went from every six hours to every 4 hours. I was given several spinal taps and countless blood draws. And each day I was in the hospital, while high on morphine, I recited the Sh'ma, one of the most important prayers I know. I had friends call and stop by and each time, I was comforted. Both of my Rabbi's in Sacramento called me to see how I was doing and it gave me such comfort. Each time someone said a prayer for me, I felt comfort. Needless to say, the morphine gave me comfort as well.

So today, I feel my comfort with the people around me, no matter what is going on. No matter what the unemployment situation is in the nation, or the debt crisis going on, or the tragic weather happening in our world, the Divine sends us comfort in ways that we may not realize. Open your hearts and minds and embrace the stranger who asks for help on the street, you may be their comfort. Eradicate the hatred in your hearts, your love can be a comfort to, at the very least, one person. Let's not repeat history and have our 'inner temple' destroyed because of sinat chinam: baseless hatred. Let love's light end all ignorance, intolerance and injustice. May your heart be filled with peace, love, joy and nachamu. Comfort. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

V'ahavtah L'rey-acha Kamocha: Love Your Neighbor As Yourself

I have many friends who feel religion is a pointless, mind-slavery waste of time. How could anyone worship a god who is vengeful and a vicious warlord? How can people believe in a book that is full of contradictions? And these friends of mine have every right to feel the way they feel. Especially after the many hate filled protests of Fred Phelp’s congregation or from Rabbi Yisroel Dovid Weiss and his anti-zionist, anti-Israel, burning the Israeli flag beliefs. Why should my friend’s feel the need to believe in a god who can condone such ignorance and baseless hatred?

They shouldn’t. Because that god isn’t real. That god isn’t the god that is illuminated in love and peace. The One who grants peace to the high heavens and to us here is the one who is truly in existence. There is no such thing as ‘love hating’ anything. It would be a lie. It would be an oxymoron. Everything is created in the Divine’s image and everything is given the upmost respect from the Divine. We, as humans, pick and chose how to deal with our fate and our emotions. We, as humans, chose our actions and our worship. We, as flawed humans, carry out the positive or the negative. G-d, in any creation to your liking, just shows us the path. Whether G-d is Dionysus, Hera, Bacchus, Bromios, Dendrites, Jesus, Budda, Adonai, Aphrodite, Muhammad, or any name; if this figure is based solely in love and acceptance for all people, then that is the true meaning of the Divine. The Divine cannot not dwell in hate, ignorance or any variation of the two because we as humans are the one’s who act on such evil.

And this brings about the next question: what about the events in the Bible that portray the Holy One to be a vengeful deity? Well, my rabbi once explained it like this: the bible is not true but it is truth. The events, the stories, the fables in the bible can’t be proven to have happened. So it makes it not true. But the underlying principles, the concepts of the stories, the moral of each tale are what makes it truth. We all can relate to a personal Egypt in which enslaved us and then we were freed from. Whether it is drug abuse, alcoholism, self- homophobia, etc, we all can relate these sufferings to the Passover story. There’s a saying during this festival ‘What G-d did for me, when I came out of Egypt.’ The Divine showed us the way, and we freed ourselves with the help of the Divine. No one can prove that the world was made at the drop of a dime in 6 days but it gives us a guideline into a period where we work, satisfy others, or make a paycheck and a period where we relax and meditate and soak in our surroundings. The Unitarian Universalists church believes that the Christian Bible, or the Torah, or the Qu’ran or any other account of human experience, not to be either an infallible guide or the exclusive source of truth. They respect the sacred literature of other religions. They aspire to truth as wide as the world, they look to find truth anywhere, universally. And it is in this acceptance of all people, this respect for all religions, other than their own, that I see G-d. Because their love for their fellow neighbor shines through. In Judaism, the Nisim B’chol Yom: For Daily Miracles, there is a passage that shows me G-d and unity. “I am a Jew because in EVERY place where suffering weeps, the Jew weeps. I am a Jew because at EVERY time when despair cries out, the Jew hopes. I am a Jew because, above humanity, image of the divine Unity, the Jew places the unity which is divine.”

To love your fellow man as yourself is not so difficult to achieve but for some it is the hardest thing to do. If we look inside ourselves, cleanse the negative energy from our spirit, educate our ignorance and embrace the love that is surrounding us, we can achieve countless miracles in our lives. We can see love like we have never seen it before. In the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, “One day, ALL of G-d’s children, white and black, Jews and Gentiles will join hands and sing in that old spiritual song- free at last, free at last, thank G-d almighty, we are free at last.” It doesn’t matter what you believe, what you worship, or what you practice, as long as the love in your life shines through, all good things will come your way. Ken yehi ratzon; May it be G-d’s will.