Yom Ga'avah {Happy Pride}

This Pride season has been a month of difficult journey, lessons and triumph. Even with all the anti-gay propaganda and the right wing religious view of Senator Ruben Diaz against gay marriage, we still gained one more victory to equal rights: New York State passed a law allowing same sex couples to marry. Baruch Ha'Shem! How wonderful it is to allow acceptance and tolerance into one's life. We have a lot to celebrate today and the rest of the Pride season. G-d is working G-d's miracles in the lives of true love and happiness, both gay and straight alike.

This Pride let us also remember the ones who died fighting for equal rights for all. Let us remember Stonewall. Let us not forget the men and women who died of AIDS before and after medication was created. Let us remember our Transgender sisters and brothers who were beaten to death because they were different. Let's remember that the journey isn't over just yet and we still have a way to travel. Zicronam L'vracha: The memories of the righteous will always be a blessing. Joseph F. Beam, David P. Brill, Stephen Donaldson, Steve Endean, Barbara Gittings, Harry Hay, Essex Hemphill, Brenda Howard, Morris Kight, Phyllis Lyon, Del Martin, Harvey Milk, Bayard Rustin, as well as others whom I may not know of or have forgotten.

As a community, both LGBT and straight, we must learn to love ourselves as well as others. We must learn to differentiate between religious ignorance and G-d's true love. I saw a dear friend of mine's picture that read, 'G-d Accepts You~ GAY' and I began to smile deeply. Love, light, happiness and acceptance is finally starting to shine through in the world. May we all continue to live, learn and grow in truth and beauty and create a better and more accepting world for everyone to live in. Oseh shalom bim'romav hu ya'aseh shalom aleinu v'al kol Yis'ra'eil v'im'ru Amein: May the One who makes peace, grant peace to all of us and to all Israel. To which we say, Amen.

Yom Ga'avah: Happy Pride!

The Problem With Gay Love

I got your attention now? Good! Sit down and pay attention.

Have you ever wondered why in pictures of gay marriage rallies you seldom see black gay couples standing and defending this human right? Well, I have. And to piggy back on my last post, I will say it again; it is the social media that creates this black hole into the gay community. But not only is it the sex hook up sites that creates this distorted view of monogamy, but it's the Hollywood adaptation of what gay relationships should be like. You see the tall, physically fit guy who gets the almost flawed but still perfect guy, who happens to also be physically fit. And it creates this notion that the only way to get a successful relationship is to be physically fit.

But what our community fails to understand is that true love knows no boundaries, no judgments, and no conditions. Too long have people confused the idea of love with the feeling of lust. Lust is, at the very essence, conditional. Lust has its infatuation period that all too quickly ends and when it does, we act like love has eluded us yet again. But we can't expect to be ready for love when we can't even distinguish the difference between the two.

Someone asked me what my blog was about and who it is directed toward. Well, I speak for the guys who are subjected to rejection because they don't have a six pack. I speak for the guys who are ridiculed for being feminine and shunned by our own community for it. I speak for the men who struggle every day with being a single gay parent. I speak for the people who are subjected to condemnation because of religious beliefs and forced to live a lie because of it. I speak for the people who are genuinely looking for love but can't seem to find it because the media says they are not white enough, or black enough, or Asian enough or muscular enough or fit enough or rich enough or American enough. I speak for men who are thrown away because they are HIV positive. I speak for you.

People need to wake up to the new light of day and realize that you will continue to be single, bitter and lonely if you don't stop the self hating, racist and judgmental words you put out in the world. What attracts you is one thing, but putting someone down or closing them out is another. We all have a list of what we want our perfect guy or girl to look like but if you haven't lived long enough you won't know that there isn't a thing that is perfect. Use this list as a guideline, not as a contract. Open yourself up to people who are ‘outside of the box’. Then and only then will you find true love. Ken yehi ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Gay 2k

The year 2000 was a year that started a slew of changes: heighten airport security, furious weather conditions, global terrorist attacks, and a decline in the love department in the  Chadash dor: new generation of gays. These new young group of homosexuals who were born in the 90s and are entering college in this millennium are being raised on Adam4Adam, BGC, Man Hunt and the numerous club and ball room scene. All of these venues encourage relations more than they do relationships. And that is a problem in many ways.

When I read status messages on Facebook and Twitter saying 'I am looking for my next ex' or 'There is no need for love' or even 'Sex is all I care about.' I just sigh. As disheartening as this is, I propose the question; "What do we expect these kids (literally) to feel when all they see is sex and failed relationships all around them?" The role model's these kids have are their gay mama or daddy who aren't but 3 or 4 years older than them and are single as well. They dream to be the next Shorty J or the next Diesel Washington. The main sources of income they know are part time fast food joints and vogueing at the next ball. The majority of their 24 hour day is spent on Facebook and Twitter for 22 hours talking about what they did moment to moment.

It is sad to watch our next generation getting into relationships and 3 weeks later becoming single. Its hurtful to ask these kids what they aim for in a relationship and they can't come up with an answer. These beautiful kids need our help and our guidance. They need to know that LTR's (long term relationships) do work and they are out there. They need to know that life isn't all about sex, drugs and the internet. They need to know there is more to life than traveling to the nearest Black Gay Pride, just to be sexy and have sex. They need to be educated on the real meaning of Pride. They need to learn about Stonewall, Prop 8, and Harvey Milke Day, among other important gay history.

But they cannot do it alone. We have to help them. We have to teach them and be there for them. I pray that our next generation opens their eyes and minds and holds their self esteem higher than any wayward dick or ass. Love is out there and it will come to you when you mature and are ready to receive it. Whatever your mind can conceive, it will achieve. Ken Yehi Ratzon: May it be G-d's will.

Let's Take A Walk

Tis the season to be jolly and no I am not talking about the overrated season of Santa and his merry elves; it is graduation time! The time when a person has completed their studies and are receiving a diploma for their achievements. High school students are walking across the stage all over in relief that the last four years are finally over. College students are awaiting life with their newly won degrees and some are off to pursue an advanced degree of some sort. But whether you are becoming a college student, a graduate student or just jumping into the workforce; my cap goes in the air for you. Your journey was one that wasn't easy in any way and it has been won with perseverance, dedication and love.

The Talmud comments that "Study is necessary in order to teach." The importance of study is attested to in another Talmudic discussion (Kiddushin 40b) about which is preferred: study or action. The answer there, a seeming compromise, is "study that leads to action." This discussion is liken to the saying 'think before you act/speak' and is one that is very relevant now to graduating students. Although some students have been thinking about their future for years and years, there are those who like to wait till the very last minute to do anything. Well, baby, the time is now. If you don't go on to further your education deeper, then what is your next step? What will you do with your free time? Now is the time to study the pros and the cons and make a decision on where you are going from this point on.

Let's change the statistics of our youth dropping out of high school, college and out of reality. Let us help them make a choice that will better their lives, better their future and broaden their horizons. You may not ever move from the place you were raised but that doesn't mean you can't learn about other places or visit somewhere else. Let's help our kids shut off Facebook, Twitter and MySpace and visit a college campus of their interest. Cut off the television and read about a career plan to get you into the work place. Whatever your goals for life are, make sure it's one that will benefit you in love, happiness and the future. Let's make our generation a generation of change.

Y'varech'cha Adonai v'yishm'recha. Ya-eir Adonai panav eilecha vichuneka. Yisha Adonai panav eilecha v'yaseim l'cha shalom. {May G-d bless you and keep you. May G-d's light shine upon you and may G-d be gracious to you. May you feel G-d's Presence within you always, and may you find peace.}

Mazel Tov!