*L'kabbalah l'emet ul'kehilla: For LGBT acceptance, truth and community with a Jewish flare*

28 June 2010

AAA (Always Attitude Attractions)

AAA in this case does not stand for American Automobile Association, but for Always Attitude Attractions. Its the 101 of basic human interaction. A formula of molecules that accumulate and converts to energy over time. It's an acronym that defines the very essence of one's cause and effect. Ever heard the saying, 'put good out there, good will return'? Well, that's an example. Your attitude will lay out the blueprint of your final transaction to a situation. If you're a bitter person, you will attract bitter people and cause people who are sweet to either 1) become infected or 2) run away in the opposite direction. Helen Keller said 'Keep your face in the sunshine and you wont see the shadows'. Her attitude was a remarkably positive one. It surrounded her with love and care. Ever wonder why people around you do shady things ALL the time? Or why you cant seem to 'catch a break'? Then change your attitude.

My grandmother told me that the only way to change the world is to change my attitude. The world from day to day, minute to minute is me. When I die, my world is gone. Now the physical world that I walk on everyday, I am given two choices; infect it with negativity or inject it with positivity. It's great to vent out anger and stress but don't let it control you. Don't allow someone else's ignorance and stupidity affect your response to it. 'Kill it with kindness' is a saying has always been a hidden weapon that most people, especially most gay men I've met, have failed to use. It not only surrounds you with kind vibes but forces the objecting party to become aware that their vibes are opposite. If they choose to change or not is on them. We have to stop thinking we can change other people's opinion because we feel we are right, just to have something caddy to say back and/or to have the last word.

I say all this to say that even though I have gone through some hell and high water, some petty ass drama, the lowest valley point, I can look back and say that I surrounded myself with friends who were there to help, love and accept. No matter what kind of fallen out we've had, our attitude has kept us afloat and surrounded by love. If they threw a party, and invited everyone they knew, they would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say 'THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND'.

You attract what you put out. Plain and simple.

07 June 2010

The Devil Wears Prada


Gay demons making your life a living RuPaul video? Well, have we got the cure for you!


Has any of this ever happened to you?

  • You wake up in the middle of the night inexplicably covered in sequins.
  • You hear disembodied voices chanting, "Chile, please!"
  • You've seen the face of Diana Ross on your toast.
  • You've had the strange urge to decorate your home like Candace Olsen.
  • Your radio will only play "It's Raining Men" by the Weather Girls.
  • Your television will only play reruns of Dynasty.
  • All of the clothes in your closet have been rearranged by designer.
  • There are days when the only words that leave your lips are "Liza Minnelli."
If so, you may be possessed by a gay demon.  So, who you gonna call?

Why, the Pentecostal church, of course, to order Holy Ghostbusters!

Amaze your friends and family when, with the help of Holy Ghostbusters, you transform yourself from a sissy who plays with dolls to a thug who knocks up young women and slings dope!

But don't just take my word for it. Listen to what excited parishioners are saying:

To deliver someone of demons is an act of love and care—a noble struggle to save the subject from the clutches of the Devil. "I deal with spiritual warfare a lot," says Vivian [Robinson], a registered nurse who is a high-ranking elder in the church. "We believe things can be cast out through the blood of Jesus and the faith and calling on God's power . . . I have cast the spirit out of Kevin. Oh, my God, it's a lot of work."

"He was over the toilet vomiting as I began to call out the spirits," she recalls. Kevin, or something inside Kevin, started to scream. "I mean a horrific scream, like none you've ever heard. Because that spirit didn't want to come out. But then it began to yield."*


*Results may vary. Holy Ghostbusters is not approved by the American Medical Association or the Food and Drug Administration. Some of the side effects include chronic lying, low self-esteem, depression, insanity, suicidal thoughts, and, in some instances, death. Do not use Holy Ghostbusters if you are already pretending to be heterosexual. Holy Ghostbusters does not work on lesbians because Jesus thinks girl-on-girl sex is hot. Republicans, bisexuals and transgendered individuals should see their pastors before using Holy Ghostbusters.

To receive your Holy Ghostbusters, send your tithe offering of $19.95 (plus shipping and handling) to:

The Holy Ghost Temple Church
30 Massasoit Ave
West Springfield, MA 01089-1122


Or call

(413) 781-3754

If you order within the next fifteen minutes, you'll get three free Jesus Christ barf bags--lovingly crafted from the finest oil-based plastics and adorned with the glowing, white face of our savior--to contain any pesky gay demon vomit that might be thrown up. And as an extra added bonus, you'll receive the latest CD from "ex-gay" gospel singer, Donnie McClurkin.

So you'll get the Holy Ghostbusters kit, three Jesus Christ barf bags, and a Donnie McClurkin CD all for a low tithing of $19.95, plus shipping and handling.

(Any states that permit gay marriage, same-sex civil unions or same-sex domestic partnerships must add a 10% sales tax.)

Order now!

*Paid for by the Association of Son of Baldwin. All Rights Reserved.*