*L'kabbalah l'emet ul'kehilla: For LGBT acceptance, truth and community with a Jewish flare*

31 March 2009

Gay Science of Relationships

So it has appeared to me that most gay men have a completely different view on relationships and love than our counterparts, the straights. Most gay men feel that relationships should entail having sex before committing to each other (the whole, test drive before you buy mentality), while others, very few, hold the traditional values of waiting and getting to know someone first. Granted, men in general are scientifically proven to be more sexual than woman, the thought can't seem to leave my mind, why is it that gay men have a problem withholding from sex before commitment but straight guys seem to be okay with it when women say no? Maybe it's just me, maybe I am only seeing one side of it, but I feel that regardless of what happens between a person, sex should be the last aspect to explore. Now, that gays have a right to marry, why not wait till the relationship part to have sex and during the initial meeting (dates) kick back and enjoy each other?

Another thing gay people have a problem with is the past. We all have a past and if that past shows up with your future love interest, dealing with your own past prior will help deal with someone else's past, especially if the past is defiantly in the past. However, never doubt your instincts, but don't misinterpret instincts going off for insecure thoughts being made. BIG difference. We as a gay community should bring the traditional values back to our love life and I guarantee it won't be any different than the straights but it will be a lot easier. If only this could happen, but as long as Adam4Adam, BGC, Manhunt and Men4Now are still alive and kicking, our community, much like the DOW, will continue to plummet downward. And we wonder why our community is filled with hatred, bigotry, attitudes and self righteousness. Its time to grow up and understand the gay science of relationships is self love and respect.

"If you don't love yourself, how the hell you gon love someone else? Can I get an amen?" ~RuPaul

Amen, Miss Paul, Amen!

19 March 2009

Scared of Lonely

I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me,
I'm scared of lonely.

I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely, And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe.
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely

I cry at night 'cause my baby's too far to be by my side
To wipe away these tears of mine so I hold my pillow tight
To imagine you I'll stretch your hand looking for mine
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I need your break when nobody is around
'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness
I think I'm drowning, I can't be lonely
And I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

18 March 2009

There Still Are Good People on Earth

Leap to Track. Rescue Man. Clamber Up. Catch a Train.


Written By: MICHAEL WILSON

Subway heroes, as they are inevitably tagged even before the grease from the tracks is rubbed off, come along every now and then — indeed, as the story of Chad Lindsey suggests, perhaps more often than we know.

Minutes after rescuing a man who had fallen onto the subway tracks at the Penn Station stop on Monday, Mr. Lindsey managed to melt back into the anonymity of the city, escaping the notice of the police, paramedics and subway workers.

“I’m of many minds of being in the spotlight,” he said after a call from this reporter, whose short account of the accident on The New York Times’s City Room blog on Monday prompted one of Mr. Lindsey’s friends to disclose his identity on Tuesday. “But what the hey,” he said.

Mr. Lindsey, 33, is from Harbor Springs, Mich. He moved to New York City three years ago and settled in Woodside, Queens.


Fred R. Conrad/The New York TimesChad Lindsey, 33, near the subway tracks where he lifted an injured man to safety as a train approached on Monday. Then he went on his way.

He can take it from there:
“I was waiting for the C,” he said from his office on West 30th Street, where he works as a proofreader. “I’m an actor — shocker.”

He said almost everyone seems to be an aspiring actor nowadays, but in this case, it is a critical point to the story: Mr. Lindsey currently appears in an Off Broadway show called “Kasper Hauser,” in a role that requires him to repeatedly lift a character who cannot walk.

On Monday, as he waited for the train, about 2:30 p.m., he was thinking ahead to the reading he was heading to. “I’m kind of zoned out, and I saw this guy come too quickly to the edge,” he said. “He stopped and kind of reeled around. I felt bad, because I couldn’t get close enough to grab his coat. He fell, and immediately hit his head on the rail and passed out.”

Mr. Lindsey said he sensed a train was approaching, because the platform was crowded. “I dropped my bag and jumped down there. I tried to wake him up,” he said. “He probably had a massive concussion at that point. I jumped down there and he just wouldn’t wake up, and he was bleeding all over the place.”

He looked back up at the people on the platform. “I yelled, ‘Contact the station agent and call the police!’ which I think is hilarious because I don’t think I ever said ‘station agent’ before in my life. What am I, on ‘24’?”

The man wouldn’t wake up, he said. “He was hunched over on his front. I grabbed him from behind, like under the armpits, and kind of got him over to the platform. It wasn’t very elegant. I just hoisted him up so his belly was on the platform. It’s kind of higher than you think it is.”

He stole a glance toward the dark subway tunnel that was becoming ominously less dark, with the glow on the tracks, familiar to all New Yorkers, signaling an approaching train.

“I couldn’t see the train coming, but I could see the light on the tracks, and I was like, ‘I’ve got to get out of this hole.’ ”

He remembered the subway hero of 2007, Wesley Autrey, who jumped on top of a man who was having a seizure on the tracks and held him down in the shallow trench between the rails as the subway passed over them. “I was like, ‘I am not doing that. We’ve got to get out of here.’ ”

People on the platform joined the effort. “Someone pulled him out, and I just jumped up out of there,” he said. With time to spare: “The train didn’t come for another 10 or 15 seconds or something.”

The man lay bleeding on the platform, and the police arrived. Mr. Lindsey soon got on another train. A large group of riders who had been on the platform entered the subway car with him, smiling and clapping him on the back and saying thank you.

“Then I sort of freaked out, and I was nervous and shaky. These five women opened their purses and gave me Handi-Wipes. I was covered in blood and dirt from the subway tracks.”

The fallen man was taken to St. Vincent’s Hospital Manhattan and was later released.
The police identified him late Tuesday afternoon as Theodore Larson, 60, of the Bronx.
Mr. Lindsey, of course, never learned the man’s name. His story told, he said goodbye, adding,
“It was quite a New York day.”

Al Baker and Trymaine Lee contributed reporting.

A version of this article appeared in print on March 18, 2009, on page A20 of the New York edition.

09 March 2009

Powerful Words I

There's a saying that many kids say to help them cope with being made fun of. One that once we become adults, can't seem to understand why it affects us so much.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

As we get older we realize that everything on earth is made of matter, matter is turned into atoms and molecules, these are turned into a solid, liquid, gas or plasma. So what do we think words are? Something so powerful, we can't understand why, when it happens, is it happening to us. Even in joking, words eventually manifest themselves into something solid. Whether you believe it or not, it's a matter of science and mental health.

"The economy is so fucked up, I WONT find a job," "I'm so sick, I'm dying," "I will never find a man, woman, love, etc..."

Words can hurt us worse than sticks and stones, seeing how scars from sticks and stones heal within days, words stay with us for years, and years to follow. It is true that actions speak louder than words, but words are powerful enough on their own. So let's watch our words and speak positive things into our coming future, our endearing present and our unforgotten past.

06 March 2009

U Sex and the Town Episode 4

Episode 4

Browns' All Around


So I feel compelled to speak about the Chris Brown/ Rihanna situation and give my side of the story of it. As a victim of domestic violence I can relate to Rihanna's feelings not being changed as people would have hoped. Its hard to leave someone that YOU love regardless of how they hurt you, physically or mentally. As much as I hate the sappy Lifetime woman beater movies, they have some relevance to them. Its not till we have taken all we can and get that energy and power bottled up deep to just up and leave. Look at 'Enough' with Jennifer Lopez. A little over the top, but the principal aspect is true.

Its easy for someone who hasn't ever been in that situation, or someone who is stronger than their abuser to spectate and say, "Why be dumb and stay?" or "If he really loved you..." but as I say before, everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson from this painful relationship that Rihanna must learn, and who knows what the Universe has in store for them.

Lastly, we compare Chris Brown to the other Browns' (James and Bobby) but condemn Rihanna for staying. Did we forget that James's first marriage was 16 years, his next one 11, third one 12 years and his last one being 5 years. And Whitney? 1992-2007. And if we want to get spiritual, Juanita Bynum was in her abusive relationship since the early 80s and ended it not till the 90s and her last one was from 2002-2007. So lets get off of Rihanna's case and pray that she gets strength and wisdom from her attack instead of sending her judgment and guilt.

Now run tell that, thanks!

03 March 2009

To Krys

Dated October 2nd

To my dearest sweet Krys,

I love you buddy and I miss you. I feel so horrible because I didn’t call you like I should have. And I knew something was wrong when you stopped signing on yahoo messenger and stopped calling me back. I just figured you went to Miami like you said you were and just didn’t call no one. It wasn’t until 2 nights ago I had this overwhelming feeling to call you. I left a message saying I was worried and then the next day you mother calls me and tells me your dead. You died of kidney failure. You’ve been on dialysis for over a year and I know it must have been hard. I love you and miss you much. I am so sorry for not being there when you needed. Please forgive me.

Your little Buddy,

Jonny