'For Colored Girls' is a movie, written/directed/produced by Tyler Perry, about 9 women, each of the them portray one of the characters represented in the collection of twenty poems, revealing different issues that impact women in general and women of color in particular. The movie is based on Ntozake Shange's play "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf." and has gotten a vast amount of reviews; views on both ends of, if you will, the rainbow. Here I sat with esteemed blogger, SonofBaldwin and dynamic and respected blogger Toddy English as we discussed our own review on this movie:
Sonofbaldwin: Okay, so Jon, please tell Todd what they said to you.
Solobeatz: OMG so I got this dedicated to me after my post: If you hated "For Colored Girls" you need your Black card revoked. We supported "Boys In The Hood" and the other ghetto documentaries, why can't we support Tyler Perry? And then ‘It’s mostly just insecure black men who disliked the movie.’
Toddy English: Furies save us...*shaking my damn head*
Solobeatz: right
Toddy English: I actually got an e-mail asking me "Why do I hold Tyler Perry to such high standards" Like...uhm...maybe because I'm spending money to see his movies?
Sonofbaldwin: My maleness, whatever that means, wasn't insulted by this film so much as my gayness was. And even then, my outrage wasn't so much for myself as it was for Ntozake Shange, who had to watch Tyler Perry mangle her work.
Solobeatz : Maybe if his stories weren’t repeated every time and stereotypical I wouldn’t.
Sonofbaldwin : Let's be clear: Anything good about this film had nothing to do with Perry. It was the actors who made this film even remotely watchable.
Toddy English : I guess everyone went to the same colored theater and heard the irate church girls castigating the Omari Hardwick character...
Solobeatz : RIGHT!
Toddy English : Exactly , this was a true ACTORS movie
Solobeatz : All I heard was 'faggot' this 'fag boy' that but the rape scene was just....'o that’s a freak'
Toddy English : Now how sick is that?
Solobeatz : And we wonder why the black community is so disgusted by homosexuality
Sonofbaldwin : It tells us a great deal about what it means to be considered "a man" in this country.
Toddy English : What bothered me was how many black women were laughing about the domestic violence, rape, and scenes of potential violence
Sonofbaldwin : They laughed??
Toddy English : Are black people really this fucked up? Yes! It floored me
Sonofbaldwin : Wow.
Toddy English : Homophobia aside
Solobeatz : And the fanatic scenes of Whoppis character were added with laughter
Sonofbaldwin : Maybe they laughed in order to distance themselves from something that might have hit close to home?
Toddy English : When Tessa Thompson's character was being "exorcised" the fools in my theater thought the shit was funny. That was not CUTE. I think so Rob. That was the first thing that came to mind
Sonofbaldwin : Being gay, I think we have a special sensitivity to the whole "exorcism" bullshit.
Solobeatz : Mine too, I know I do
Toddy English : I imagine most of those women in the theater were probably abused, molested, or raped, and you laugh to keep from crying
Sonofbaldwin : It's very pervasive.
Solobeatz : or the dudes were dealing with their own sexual insecurities
Sonofbaldwin : Jon, the guys in your theater were making remarks?
Solobeatz : Whoa yes!
Toddy English : Most of the hatred of the Omari Hardwick character came from the women in my theater...
Sonofbaldwin : Mine too.
Toddy English : It was just flat out sickening
Solobeatz : EVERYTIME he was shown
Toddy English : I even told one of them to shut up
Solobeatz : I couldn’t even get the affect of the rape scene because of the constant remarks
Sonofbaldwin : Mostly women in my theater and they didn't mind spewing their homophobia. Black women, now.
Toddy English : Exactly. It was heinous. But it is not like Omari's character helped matters though. He was so thin and one dimensional...Tyler Perry wrote him in as a plot device, nothing more nothing less.
Sonofbaldwin : Speaking of the rape scene, and I hate to phrase it that way, but Anika Noni Rose, in her scene following the rape, was the essential truth.
Toddy English : She really was. I loved how vulnerable she was in that scene.
Sonofbaldwin : Everyone in that film was a plot device.
Solobeatz : It shows that Hollywood only sees black gay men as disease carrying cheaters incapable of having a honest relationship with either a man or a woman
Toddy English : exactly@Jon
Sonofbaldwin : May I ask a question: Why didn't they let Kasi Lemmons direct this movie?
Toddy English : That storyline could have been better had empathy been built towards that character...Instead we get a sensationalized stereotype just to get an audience reaction. Why no Kasi? Easy. Money.
Solobeatz : SMDH
Sonofbaldwin : I guess you're right, Todd. Hollywood is a business, after all. A dirty business.
Toddy English : They know Tyler Perry's name alone guarantees tickets. Moreover, Tyler's writing is so paltry that his target audience can really GET IT.
Solobeatz : Maybe if I go to a white theater it may be different. Oh wait, its for colored girls. Sorry.
Toddy English : lol What could have been an uplifting and empowering movie just turned out to be a big way that black women could come together to hate on closeted gay men.
Sonofbaldwin : Part of me believes that he purposely writes on a third grade level because he underestimates the intelligence of his audience. Or to be put more bluntly, he believes his audience is stupid or uneducated and he wants to make sure they get the messages.
Toddy English : BINGO! I feel the same way. This is a hustle to him. He knows his audience. So he is exploiting them
Solobeatz : I stopped watching Tyler Perry not because he's Tyler Perry but cause he can’t seem to think outside the stereotypical box when it comes to black issues. Someone has to be raped, or abused or infected by something or be a hoe.
Toddy English : EXACTLY!
Sonofbaldwin : And let me just tell you: They are a loyal bunch, the Tyler Perry followers.
Toddy English : Yes they are honey. YES. THEY. ARE
Solobeatz : Just like....wait for it......the fanatics Christians they claim to be. Yes I went there
Toddy English : this negro could fart and write a script about it and they would go in droves
Solobeatz : to the midnight showings in masses, but don't diss him too loud, we may get our black card revoked.
Toddy English : What's funny is that they all refuse to entertain the notion that Perry himself might be a Queen. Which is why they are so quick to espouse the homophobia
Solobeatz : I'm waiting for the NAACP to call me any moment.
Toddy English : Which sickens me. With his sexual confusion and ambiguity Perry should have had more empathy for his DL character. lol so true. Tyler Perry is almost untouchable in the black community, seriously. It's like if you ridicule him you'll be tarred and feathered.
Sonofbaldwin : So, as I was saying: the Cult of Tyler Perry is STRONG, let me tell you. It reminds me, very much, of the idiots of New Birth church in Atlanta, following their down-low preacher, Eddie Long.
Toddy English : Exactly. Same thing.
Solobeatz : You want me to get on that issue? Fine.
Toddy English : The irony is that they hate homosexuality yet FLOCK to gay leaders...lol
Solobeatz : This is why I left the Christian faith.
Sonofbaldwin : Isn't that ironic, though? That these people who DESPISE gays follow them to the edge of the cliff--as long as the gay person never admits it?
Toddy English : LOL crazy
Solobeatz : It was too much hypocrisy and hatred. How can Jesus love me but say I'm going to hell because I'm gay? Really?
Sonofbaldwin : Don't try it Jon, because the Jews ain't no better when it comes to homosexuality. Orthodox Jews in NY entertained gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino and agreed with his homophobic stance. The problem isn't just Christianity; it's religion PERIOD.
Toddy English : Religion in general is anti-gay. That is why I think gays, if they must have it, should invite their own religion.
Sonofbaldwin : Right @ Todd!
Toddy English : It really is easy. I've successfully exchanged "Oh my god" for "By The Furies." It really is simple.
Sonofbaldwin : You will definitely hear me thank Gaea or Athena or Isis at any given time of the day. LOL!
Solobeatz : I will admit, Orthodox Jews are no better. But when I chose to re-embrace Judaism I made sure to go into a branch that welcomes gay rabbis and openly gay members with open arms
Toddy English : I personally feel no need for religion. Growing up a devout Christian and then leaving that mentality behind I came to the realization that I was conditioned to "need" it rather than actually needing it.
Sonofbaldwin : @Jon: That's like saying, "When I go down south, I make sure that I go to the Ku Klux Klan rally that only yells at black people rather than lynch them." The institution ITSELF is the problem, not the interpretation of some of its members.
Solobeatz : Ok fine, I will go back to Wiccan then.
Sonofbaldwin : Preach, Todd! LOL @ Jon!
Solobeatz : There solved that one. Lol
Toddy English : And I can't really bother reconciling myself with a faith that deems me abominable just for the sake of having faith. So I don't get religious gays...lol But that is their right so...
Solobeatz : It is, but I don’t see myself as religious for the record. I typically don’t keep kosher, I don’t chant Torah, hmmm.....I wonder how my mother would feel.
Sonofbaldwin : But we digress: Now that we've trashed this film, was there anything you liked about it? Whose performances did you like best?
Solobeatz : I think Phylica Rashad was good for when she was shown.
Toddy English : Oh I can't rave enough about the actresses
Solobeatz : And Whoppi played the hell out her character.
Toddy English : I love Phylicia Rashad in everything. A truly beautiful actress who has mastered her art
Sonofbaldwin : Phylicia Rasahd shined in the scene where she comforts Thandie Newton's character.
Solobeatz : Whoa yes!
Toddy English : I loved Thandie Newton. Some people think she was over the top; but I loved every moment she was on screen.
Solobeatz : They sleep on her too much
Sonofbaldwin : But, and Jon you mentioned this earlier: Why did she run down the stairs to get help for Kimberly Elise's character instead of helping her or calling the cops?
Solobeatz : Right! I mean, you can get keys and walk into people's apartment all throughout but when it matters MOST....you run 5 FLIGHTS and yelling in the street
Sonofbaldwin : What was running downstairs going to do--except put the characters exactly where Tyler wanted them to be (all together on the street) when Michael Ealy dropped those kids out of the window.
Toddy English : I was not feelin Loretta Devine. I believe Tyler Perry wanted to play Madea for that part and opted for Loretta Devine after Shanges (sp?) held him at gun point
Sonofbaldwin : @Todd: I don't think Thandie was over the top, but I didn't buy her performance as authentic. Thandie is normally a remarkable actress, though. She was the SHIT in BELOVED.
Solobeatz : And was I the only one who saw 'The Color Purple' (yet again) and Waiting to Exhale written into the script?
Sonofbaldwin : Right. Loretta DeVine was the Colored Girl Madea. And The Devil Wears Prada.
Toddy English : oh TOO much devil wears Prada honey. I thought Miranda Priestly got a tan
Solobeatz : Oh how could I forget Janet's character!
Sonofbaldwin : Down to the hairstyle.
Solobeatz : But like all of his movies, we had the bitch character with no reason to why she was a bitch.
Toddy English : Sorta like he stole the scene from An Officer and a Gentlemen at the end of Diary of a Mad Black Woman
Solobeatz : Except she had money. Is that how all black women are in power and money?
Toddy English : I think Perry has something against wealthy people in general. If you are impoverished you are good. Wealthy, you are evil.
Solobeatz : But yet he idolizes Oprah.
Toddy English : Thank you! His big ole rich fag hag
Solobeatz : He wants to be her, drag and all
Toddy English : YES SIR!
Sonofbaldwin : Oprah is his therapy buddy. They have the common experience of abuse between them. They exalt their abuse to god-like status. Include Mo'Nique and Lee Daniels in the bunch, too.
Toddy English : I know...Sexual abuse is no joke but sometimes I wonder...How much can you put your childhood trauma on display?
Solobeatz : Until people stop paying to see it.
Toddy English : Oprah will tell you she was raped and molested before she'll tell you what time it is
Sonofbaldwin : I've decided that Oprah, Tyler, Lee and Mo'Nique are engaged in a public revenge fantasy. Their art is revenge against the people who abused them when they were young and we're all watching it played out. In the process, however, they're giving the world a distorted picture of black life. Sure, life ain't all good. But it damn sure ain't all bad, either.
Toddy English : Yep. All of Perry's insecurities and foibles are available throughout his films.
Solobeatz : Life is life, but damn, can I see some roses sometimes?
Toddy English : It sickens me that this is the sum of black life according to him. What about an ordinary dysfunctional black family that does not have rapes, beatings, and molestation? Exactly. Sometimes *gasp* life can be sweet.
Solobeatz : OMG really? I could never tell.
Sonofbaldwin : Their work gives white people permission to say, "See? I told you they were animals! That's why we have to oppress them. Left to their own devices, black people will destroy us all." In Tyler's movies, women can only be happy when they marry their dream guy.
Solobeatz : Bobby you are so dead on. A big muscular wealthy black man
Toddy English : EXACTLY! A light skinned muscular dream boat. OH he gotta be saved too, don't forget that. Furies forbid you marry a man that ain't saved
Sonofbaldwin : YES @ LIGHTSKINNED! Only one exception was that fine ass Idris Elba in DADDY'S LITTLE GIRLS.
Toddy English : Yeah he may be working and be really nice...BUT if he ain't got jesus he ain't shit
Solobeatz : Oh, I love him.
Toddy English : Amen FINE @$$ Idris
Solobeatz : Stringer Bell
Toddy English : Chile let me quit
Sonofbaldwin : Am I the only one who thinks that Idris Elba and that chocolate piece of lightning Lance Gross are FINE? Lol
Solobeatz : LOL. Add me to the bunch
Toddy English : Add me, especially on Idris! I'd let that man touch my body like Mariah Carey!
Sonofbaldwin : Idris is probably a top, though. We'd never work out. LOL!
Solobeatz : HA!
Toddy English : I love those tops
Solobeatz : Amen
Sonofbaldwin : LOL @ Mariah. Oh, man--did you hear she had to drop out of FOR COLORED GIRLS because she was pregnant, but then lost that baby? She's pregnant again, though.
Solobeatz : Wow.
Sonofbaldwin : And we love you right back @ Todd! Lol
Toddy English : Oh I didn't know she lost a baby! But she is still expecting. I think it is due early next year. So she wasn't takin no chances. I would have liked to have seen her in the role though.
Solobeatz : I'm not a big Mariah fan.
Sonofbaldwin : Oh, and let me not forget to shout out Tessa Thompson! She was impeccable in the dance school scene. And Macy Gray was FRIGHTENING!
Solobeatz : 'Open yo legs girl' I vomited a little
Toddy English : I loved Tessa Thompson every since her role on Cold Case a few years ago...That was an excellent episode. lol Jon. So true. Macy did scare the shit out of me.
Solobeatz : So apparently the queen who tried to come for me on my comment was read by someone else. About saying how could having an opinion make me insecure?
Toddy English : Some people go to any length to defend his mediocre work
Sonofbaldwin : I'll give Tyler credit for recognizing a diva when he sees one. (How can people NOT believe he's gay? LOL!)
Solobeatz : No, no, no he isn’t gay. Never. *looks around rolling eyes*
Toddy English : LOL I know right? I mean he just SCREAMS Queen. Even my mother, who is in her 60's, asked me if he was gay
Solobeatz : I remember when he told Oprah that he was added room in his closet for someone special. Never saw that woMAN did we?
Toddy English : LOL
Sonofbaldwin : Oh, BTW: The numbers are in. FOR COLORED GIRLS comes in third behind Megamind and Due Date: http://boxofficemojo.com/weekend/chart/
Toddy English : Well, he did bring his gay man's girlfriend with him to a premiere (the gay man's GF: Tall, think, modelesque, and is only with a male celeb for a photo op). Oh thank goodness. Maybe people are waking up to Tyler Perry's Tom Foolery.
Solobeatz : Now that all has been said here, I will finally do my blog on this....wonderful, inspiring, uplifting movie of Tyler's that he always seems to do. *sarcasm*
Toddy English : lol I don't think Perry has any incentive to prove
Solobeatz : At all
Toddy English : It's like throwing raw meat to squirrels. If the squirrels have no nuts and get hungry enough they'll eat the meat.
Solobeatz : Right!
Toddy English : And Robert, you were right about one thing. During Omari Hardwick's cruising scenes I felt the MOST authenticity...Miss Perry knew how to film and direct those! sho nuff
Solobeatz : Shhhh....we wouldn’t want his secret to get out. Lol
Toddy English : Lmao
Sonofbaldwin : LOL!
Solobeatz : Shall we say an ending prayer? Lol
Sonofbaldwin : Hell nah. Lol
Solobeatz : lmao
Toddy English : Furies Be praised
Sonofbaldwin : LOL!
Solobeatz : Praise be to Yevon
Sonofbaldwin : O mighty Isis! Okay, fellas. I am off! You have a lovely day!
Solobeatz : Ciao
*For more blogs by these wonderful men visit Son of Baldwin at http://sonofbaldwin.blogspot.com/, Toddy English at http://sirtoddyenglish.blogspot.com/ and Solobeatz at http://solobeatz.blogspot.com/ *
09 November 2010
07 November 2010
For Colored Queens, sorry Girls...
After much debate, persecution and told that I should have my 'black card' revoked, I am doing a blog review on what I thought on Miss Perry's current movie 'For Colored Girls.' As I sit and wait for the NAACP to call my cell phone, I will say that I thought the movie was yet again an adaptation of homophobia, bigotry and an explotation of stereotypes. The main point that made this movie bullshit, yes I said it, BULLSHIT to me was the fact that Janet Jackson's husband (played by Omari Hardwick) had to be a DL, self hating bisexual who (wait for it) infected Janet with, yes, HIV. Like the black community doesn't hate the gay community enough, let's exploit the fact that black gay men can't be anything more than disease carrying, down low brother's who are incapable of having an honest relationship with neither a male or female. Not only that, he contacted the virus from a random hooker, like it would be taboo to have him contact something from a lawyer, doctor or some other degree carrying citizen. Why was this story arc introduced? Nevertheless, I digress.
The acting in the movie was phenomenal I thought, and if it wasn't for these cast members, the movie wouldn't have been as intense as it was. Whoopi Goldberg had the fanatic Christian role down to a tea and Phylicia Rashad was beautiful and dynamic. I was very impressed by the evil incarnation that Michael Ealy played and I was thoroughly moved by Loretta Devine and her constant role she plays. But still love her in everything. Well not Dreamgirls, but that was a cameo, so it doesn't count.
But by all means, don't take my word for it. Go see for yourself. One of my best friend loved it and we are, gasp, still friends. Yet and still, I am waiting on that call.
The acting in the movie was phenomenal I thought, and if it wasn't for these cast members, the movie wouldn't have been as intense as it was. Whoopi Goldberg had the fanatic Christian role down to a tea and Phylicia Rashad was beautiful and dynamic. I was very impressed by the evil incarnation that Michael Ealy played and I was thoroughly moved by Loretta Devine and her constant role she plays. But still love her in everything. Well not Dreamgirls, but that was a cameo, so it doesn't count.But by all means, don't take my word for it. Go see for yourself. One of my best friend loved it and we are, gasp, still friends. Yet and still, I am waiting on that call.
04 November 2010
Love Hurts When Lust Hunts
So many of us have this blind notion that all relationships in this world should be committed, honest and faithful. We also are told that with these things in place, we can not go wrong in the success of our relationships. But where are these people when our partner has cheated even after we instilled these said qualities into the equation? They tell us that there is someone ELSE out there for us. Well, look around. Still waiting? I thought so.Now with every rule, there are exceptions. There are people who blossom in the fairytale ending and the fairytale ending sticks. But they are just that, exceptions. We shouldn't base our past on these other people's success when our failings have made us bitter. It only makes matters worse. I can't help but wonder, 'why do people cheat?' And, I do not have an answer, but merely an opinion.
Love hurts the most when lust is on the hunt again. When our 'committed' relationships have became stray jackets than a greenhouse. For this reason, most people don't even entertain the notion of 'open relationships' but they are truly alive and they do work. But as for our committed cousins, there are exceptions to this open relationship rule. I find it to be a more freeing and more loving thing to be with someone who cares for you and cherishes you without the tie down of expectations. Expectations is what invites disappointments in as soon as they are not met or are diverted from. I find that at this current moment, an open relationship is the answer to my insecurities for the reason that if at any given moment, I can back out without hurt feelings getting in the way.
But we all can't get caught up in what other people have. By all means, if a monogamous, faithful, committed partner is what works for you, keep aiming for it. You will get it in due time. But don't let your expectations cloud your judgments, feelings and emotions. Love in itself knows no borders, only foundation. Everything its in is possible for growth.
04 October 2010
Hateful World, Dumb Society
I was sitting in my bathroom thinking of how to style my hair and ran across a Time magazine about pregnant women. Ironic? Yes. But it wasn't this article that drew me in, it was the article about Fred Phelps Westboro Church in Topeka, Kansas that had picketed a dead soldiers funeral with signs saying 'Thank G-d for 9-11', 'G-d hates fags' and 'Thank G-d for dead soldiers'. Their reasoning behind this picketing, which the solider Matt Synder wasn't gay by the way, is that G-d is punishing American soldiers for our tolerance of homosexuality. My mind didn't go to the current lawsuit about the 1st Amendment battle in the Supreme Court now, but it went to how our world can be so bias to shit that happens day to day.
These fanatic Christians see protesting a dead soldier's funeral nonetheless as doing and carrying out the work of Jesus. That this kind of behavior is indeed sanctioned and approved by his will. Now, I am completely over the whole 'G-d hates fag' ordeal, I am used to it, but it's the '9-11' and 'Dead Soldiers' signs; held by little kids as well, that breaks my heart. The society as a whole doesn't even condemn this kind of behavior, but let the fanatic Jews fuck up once and it's 'lets reinstate the Holocaust' or 'burn synagogue libraries'. Let the fanatic Muslims fly a plane into tall buildings and it's 'Dedicate a day to burn Qu'rans'. But when we have a fanatic Christian leading thousands of people to mass suicide, it's 'Oh let's turn our head'. Or Jerry Falwell's many stupid and idiotic remarks about abortion and fagatry, and it's 'Oh, that's sad to hear.' Or Pat Robinson's remark about Haiti making a deal with the devil 700 years ago and 'that's why G-d sent that massive earthquake.'
We live in a hateful world and dumb society that thinks that fanatic Christians should only be slapped on the wrist and then keep it moving. It's the laws of mathematics that what you do to one side, you do to the other. If these people are gonna condemn Muslim, Jews, Catholics and every other religion known to man, then do it to everyone. Oh, but that would require looking into the mirror and blaming themselves. You have Eddie Long convicted of sexual assault on these men and majority of people are sticking with him, but let a Catholic priest be convicted of molestation of an alter boy, regardless of age, and we want his head on a silver platter.
It's this type of hypocrisy on issues like homosexuality in our society that has lead to a frightening number of young children, CHILDREN, to commit suicide over being bullied by their sexual orientation. Not just this month, but in years prior. If we, as a society, do not change and reform our 1934 views on life issues, then we will surely be stunted in our growth and in our maturity as an nation that was once deemed 'Land of the Free'. It's sad, but it's true.
These fanatic Christians see protesting a dead soldier's funeral nonetheless as doing and carrying out the work of Jesus. That this kind of behavior is indeed sanctioned and approved by his will. Now, I am completely over the whole 'G-d hates fag' ordeal, I am used to it, but it's the '9-11' and 'Dead Soldiers' signs; held by little kids as well, that breaks my heart. The society as a whole doesn't even condemn this kind of behavior, but let the fanatic Jews fuck up once and it's 'lets reinstate the Holocaust' or 'burn synagogue libraries'. Let the fanatic Muslims fly a plane into tall buildings and it's 'Dedicate a day to burn Qu'rans'. But when we have a fanatic Christian leading thousands of people to mass suicide, it's 'Oh let's turn our head'. Or Jerry Falwell's many stupid and idiotic remarks about abortion and fagatry, and it's 'Oh, that's sad to hear.' Or Pat Robinson's remark about Haiti making a deal with the devil 700 years ago and 'that's why G-d sent that massive earthquake.'
We live in a hateful world and dumb society that thinks that fanatic Christians should only be slapped on the wrist and then keep it moving. It's the laws of mathematics that what you do to one side, you do to the other. If these people are gonna condemn Muslim, Jews, Catholics and every other religion known to man, then do it to everyone. Oh, but that would require looking into the mirror and blaming themselves. You have Eddie Long convicted of sexual assault on these men and majority of people are sticking with him, but let a Catholic priest be convicted of molestation of an alter boy, regardless of age, and we want his head on a silver platter.
It's this type of hypocrisy on issues like homosexuality in our society that has lead to a frightening number of young children, CHILDREN, to commit suicide over being bullied by their sexual orientation. Not just this month, but in years prior. If we, as a society, do not change and reform our 1934 views on life issues, then we will surely be stunted in our growth and in our maturity as an nation that was once deemed 'Land of the Free'. It's sad, but it's true.
06 September 2010
Happniess Is You
As Amtrak is sailing down the valley long, I am reminded as I stare out the window are the corn fields (what I am assuming are corn fields, maybe tomato plants) that a heavy burden that was on my shoulders has been lifted recently. That the door to my joy is open again with the Reducto charm cast by my happiness (Yes I did reference Harry Potter, thank you!). Too many negative things happened over the last year that caused my joy to shrink and crawl away. Even after seeing my best friends, I would waddle back into my hole of seclusion and not be heard from again. Then, something extraordinary happened. I found myself. I found the release I had so long been searching for and it feels wonderful. A rabbi whom I had never met before commented that I was radiating with joy. Radiating is the term he used. I knew then, my time had come.
When I stood up to address the congregation Friday night, I felt a wave of passion and love over myself and the smile on my face was stuck in place. True happiness will pave the path to ultimate joy. Binding friendships will lead the pack to everlasting love. Anyone trying to push you off this journey needs to be kicked out of your life. This time on earth is too short to bitch and moan about what could've happened if things were different. News flash, things happened just as they were meant. Cash it in and bank the money and go out and get more.
My happiness is here to stay!
When I stood up to address the congregation Friday night, I felt a wave of passion and love over myself and the smile on my face was stuck in place. True happiness will pave the path to ultimate joy. Binding friendships will lead the pack to everlasting love. Anyone trying to push you off this journey needs to be kicked out of your life. This time on earth is too short to bitch and moan about what could've happened if things were different. News flash, things happened just as they were meant. Cash it in and bank the money and go out and get more.
My happiness is here to stay!
28 June 2010
AAA (Always Attitude Attractions)
My grandmother told me that the only way to change the world is to change my attitude. The world from day to day, minute to minute is me. When I die, my world is gone. Now the physical world that I walk on everyday, I am given two choices; infect it with negativity or inject it with positivity. It's great to vent out anger and stress but don't let it control you. Don't allow someone else's ignorance and stupidity affect your response to it. 'Kill it with kindness' is a saying has always been a hidden weapon that most people, especially most gay men I've met, have failed to use. It not only surrounds you with kind vibes but forces the objecting party to become aware that their vibes are opposite. If they choose to change or not is on them. We have to stop thinking we can change other people's opinion because we feel we are right, just to have something caddy to say back and/or to have the last word.
I say all this to say that even though I have gone through some hell and high water, some petty ass drama, the lowest valley point, I can look back and say that I surrounded myself with friends who were there to help, love and accept. No matter what kind of fallen out we've had, our attitude has kept us afloat and surrounded by love. If they threw a party, and invited everyone they knew, they would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say 'THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND'.
You attract what you put out. Plain and simple.
07 June 2010
The Devil Wears Prada
Gay demons making your life a living RuPaul video? Well, have we got the cure for you!
Has any of this ever happened to you?
- You wake up in the middle of the night inexplicably covered in sequins.
- You hear disembodied voices chanting, "Chile, please!"
- You've seen the face of Diana Ross on your toast.
- You've had the strange urge to decorate your home like Candace Olsen.
- Your radio will only play "It's Raining Men" by the Weather Girls.
- Your television will only play reruns of Dynasty.
- All of the clothes in your closet have been rearranged by designer.
- There are days when the only words that leave your lips are "Liza Minnelli."
Why, the Pentecostal church, of course, to order Holy Ghostbusters!
Amaze your friends and family when, with the help of Holy Ghostbusters, you transform yourself from a sissy who plays with dolls to a thug who knocks up young women and slings dope!
But don't just take my word for it. Listen to what excited parishioners are saying:
To deliver someone of demons is an act of love and care—a noble struggle to save the subject from the clutches of the Devil. "I deal with spiritual warfare a lot," says Vivian [Robinson], a registered nurse who is a high-ranking elder in the church. "We believe things can be cast out through the blood of Jesus and the faith and calling on God's power . . . I have cast the spirit out of Kevin. Oh, my God, it's a lot of work."
"He was over the toilet vomiting as I began to call out the spirits," she recalls. Kevin, or something inside Kevin, started to scream. "I mean a horrific scream, like none you've ever heard. Because that spirit didn't want to come out. But then it began to yield."*
*Results may vary. Holy Ghostbusters is not approved by the American Medical Association or the Food and Drug Administration. Some of the side effects include chronic lying, low self-esteem, depression, insanity, suicidal thoughts, and, in some instances, death. Do not use Holy Ghostbusters if you are already pretending to be heterosexual. Holy Ghostbusters does not work on lesbians because Jesus thinks girl-on-girl sex is hot. Republicans, bisexuals and transgendered individuals should see their pastors before using Holy Ghostbusters.
To receive your Holy Ghostbusters, send your tithe offering of $19.95 (plus shipping and handling) to:
The Holy Ghost Temple Church
30 Massasoit Ave
West Springfield, MA 01089-1122
Or call
(413) 781-3754
If you order within the next fifteen minutes, you'll get three free Jesus Christ barf bags--lovingly crafted from the finest oil-based plastics and adorned with the glowing, white face of our savior--to contain any pesky gay demon vomit that might be thrown up. And as an extra added bonus, you'll receive the latest CD from "ex-gay" gospel singer, Donnie McClurkin.
So you'll get the Holy Ghostbusters kit, three Jesus Christ barf bags, and a Donnie McClurkin CD all for a low tithing of $19.95, plus shipping and handling.
(Any states that permit gay marriage, same-sex civil unions or same-sex domestic partnerships must add a 10% sales tax.)
Order now!
*Paid for by the Association of Son of Baldwin. All Rights Reserved.*
27 May 2010
Un (X)plainable
After my great and awesome trip to Long Beach Pride the weekend of May 17th, I came back to Northern Cali with a thought on my mind. Why do I still feel this way? Why is it that I am still attached?
Answer?
For certain people, they have a person in their life that makes them smile, heart beat twice, and butterflies in the tummy. The catch is, there is no relationship between these people and it is fine. But it wasn't always like that. This type of bond is the 'Unexplainable Bond' and it is not to be confused with Soul Mates. Because Soul Mates typically are in relationships. This unexplainable bond is self explanatory, it is un-explainable. It takes work to make it work and that’s why there is usually only one person to share it with. To me, it takes three steps to make this type of friendship work.
1) Acceptance
2) Dealing
3) Making it work
Acceptance; Step one. You can never get over something or someone if you don’t acknowledge and accept that your friendship will never blossom past that. You have to be willing to accept this truth and come to peace with it which brings us to step two...
Dealing; However you have to do it, then as Nike says, JUST DO IT! If it means cutting the person off for a while, limiting your time with them, taking a longer vacation, etc. I don’t care. If it works for you, then I love it. This is the hardest step to do and most people can't get past it or they relapse too many times or even end with cutting the person off entirely, which says that you don’t have that bond. Dealing with an issue is as hard as you can imagine. Try sleeping with a broken heart and then tell me that it’s easy. Exactly.
Making it Work; The reward is the lasting friendship with someone who knows you, understands up, accepts you, laughs with you (sometimes at you), helps you and makes you happy. What better friend to have in your life than this? Sometimes best friends are made with this bond; sometimes best friends don’t even have this bond. This bond is something deeper and making it work on a neutral level is a job in itself, but it’s worth it.
Conclusion?
If you don’t accept that you won't get farther with a person you love than friendship, and don’t deal with it, you will drive yourself crazy. Not everyone is entitled to experience this feeling and it may never happen for some of you. But for those that can look back and agree with this blog post will understand. Love is more than an emotion that causes pain, rage, bliss and ecstasy. It forms bonds between people that can be defined, written, spoken and sometimes it leaves bonds that are, well, unexplainable. Believe and you can find happiness in your life in the deepest confusion you may face in life.
Answer?
For certain people, they have a person in their life that makes them smile, heart beat twice, and butterflies in the tummy. The catch is, there is no relationship between these people and it is fine. But it wasn't always like that. This type of bond is the 'Unexplainable Bond' and it is not to be confused with Soul Mates. Because Soul Mates typically are in relationships. This unexplainable bond is self explanatory, it is un-explainable. It takes work to make it work and that’s why there is usually only one person to share it with. To me, it takes three steps to make this type of friendship work.
1) Acceptance
2) Dealing
3) Making it work
Acceptance; Step one. You can never get over something or someone if you don’t acknowledge and accept that your friendship will never blossom past that. You have to be willing to accept this truth and come to peace with it which brings us to step two...
Dealing; However you have to do it, then as Nike says, JUST DO IT! If it means cutting the person off for a while, limiting your time with them, taking a longer vacation, etc. I don’t care. If it works for you, then I love it. This is the hardest step to do and most people can't get past it or they relapse too many times or even end with cutting the person off entirely, which says that you don’t have that bond. Dealing with an issue is as hard as you can imagine. Try sleeping with a broken heart and then tell me that it’s easy. Exactly.
Making it Work; The reward is the lasting friendship with someone who knows you, understands up, accepts you, laughs with you (sometimes at you), helps you and makes you happy. What better friend to have in your life than this? Sometimes best friends are made with this bond; sometimes best friends don’t even have this bond. This bond is something deeper and making it work on a neutral level is a job in itself, but it’s worth it.
Conclusion?
If you don’t accept that you won't get farther with a person you love than friendship, and don’t deal with it, you will drive yourself crazy. Not everyone is entitled to experience this feeling and it may never happen for some of you. But for those that can look back and agree with this blog post will understand. Love is more than an emotion that causes pain, rage, bliss and ecstasy. It forms bonds between people that can be defined, written, spoken and sometimes it leaves bonds that are, well, unexplainable. Believe and you can find happiness in your life in the deepest confusion you may face in life.
22 April 2010
Ken Yehi Ratzon
As I sat in the hospital room of my friend Dante and watched him struggle, fight and suffer through his illness, I continuously prayed the Mi Sheberach all the while preparing in case I had to start reciting the Mourner's Kaddish. In the deepest part of my heart, I believe that humans (if only myself) should always prepare for the worst, but always and fervently hope for the best. My prayer to G-d was one to heal him and let my friend survive this deadly battle and to help his family through what may happen if.
That 'if' is what most people pray for G-d not to do, and its completely natural. We, as humans, fear death especially one that arrives so early, so sudden and so young. We ask G-d not to take our babies, our loved ones, to not leave us alone, to keep them here a little while longer. You get the point. A good friend said to me, 'I will pray for healing and may it be G-d's will that he live.' As I read the last part of his statement, I was reminded about the hebrew 'ken yehi ratzon'~May it be G-d's will~ and thought, what if it's G-d's will to take my friend? That his life has been successfully fulfilled in G-d's eyes? That now the prayer shouldnt be for G-d not to take Dante, but to help US through the taking. Help us understand, even though knowing how hard and confusing it will be.
My prayer after that day wasn't the Mi Sheberach but, sadly, then became the Mourner's Kaddish. And no matter how much I prepared for that feeling, no matter how hard I prayed that I would understand, when the call came in at 5:20am that morning, I sent it to voicemail. I wasn't ready to hear it. Ten minutes later, another call came through and at 5:50am, I finally answered the 3rd call. I was lost, hurt, and confused. I became angry with G-d and wondered why G-d had me experience death face to face. Why this had to be the time to see it upfront? I heard of Katrina's murder weeks after it happened, Krys's mom called me a month after he passed, a police officer told me about Jerel's death, I received a call from Glenny's sister that he passed, and I was told at work about Christian's murder. But Dante? I watched him laugh in his hospital bed claiming he was leaving in 2 days, slip into a coma the day after, and slowly die in front of me.
I have no idea why, but can only say that there is some purpose to why it happened the way it did. Zichronam l'Vracha ~"May their memory be for blessing'.~
That 'if' is what most people pray for G-d not to do, and its completely natural. We, as humans, fear death especially one that arrives so early, so sudden and so young. We ask G-d not to take our babies, our loved ones, to not leave us alone, to keep them here a little while longer. You get the point. A good friend said to me, 'I will pray for healing and may it be G-d's will that he live.' As I read the last part of his statement, I was reminded about the hebrew 'ken yehi ratzon'~May it be G-d's will~ and thought, what if it's G-d's will to take my friend? That his life has been successfully fulfilled in G-d's eyes? That now the prayer shouldnt be for G-d not to take Dante, but to help US through the taking. Help us understand, even though knowing how hard and confusing it will be.
My prayer after that day wasn't the Mi Sheberach but, sadly, then became the Mourner's Kaddish. And no matter how much I prepared for that feeling, no matter how hard I prayed that I would understand, when the call came in at 5:20am that morning, I sent it to voicemail. I wasn't ready to hear it. Ten minutes later, another call came through and at 5:50am, I finally answered the 3rd call. I was lost, hurt, and confused. I became angry with G-d and wondered why G-d had me experience death face to face. Why this had to be the time to see it upfront? I heard of Katrina's murder weeks after it happened, Krys's mom called me a month after he passed, a police officer told me about Jerel's death, I received a call from Glenny's sister that he passed, and I was told at work about Christian's murder. But Dante? I watched him laugh in his hospital bed claiming he was leaving in 2 days, slip into a coma the day after, and slowly die in front of me.
I have no idea why, but can only say that there is some purpose to why it happened the way it did. Zichronam l'Vracha ~"May their memory be for blessing'.~
25 March 2010
24 March 2010
Chag Samach!
Pesach, known as Passover in English, is a major Jewish spring festival, commemorating the Exodus from Egypt over 3,000 years ago. The ritual observance of this holiday centers around a special home service called the seder (meaning "order") and a festive meal; the prohibition of chametz (leaven); and the eating of matzah (an unleavened bread). On the eve of the fifteenth day of Nisan in the Hebrew calendar, we read from a book called the hagaddah, meaning "telling," which contains the order of prayers, rituals, readings and songs for the Pesach seder. The Pesach seder is the only ritual meal in the Jewish calendar year for which such an order is prescribed, hence its name.
View the rest here Pesach (Passover) - URJ.
View the rest here Pesach (Passover) - URJ.
17 March 2010
Made 4 U Excerpt
I returned the smile and walked down the hall into my office. Before I reached it, I had stopped at the conference room I had officially met Chris in. My mind ran back to that day and I abruptly snapped back to reality. My office was cold and a mess. Apparently a temp had been hired to work while I was out and it made me a tad bit upset. These people didn’t have the slightest decency to clean up before I returned? But then again, it didn’t baffle me too much given who was in charge. Disaster and uncertainty thy name is Frank Hudson. I threw my bag on the floor beside my desk and then threw myself into my chair. It felt so good to be back at work and as I smiled and cut on my desktop, I noticed a stamped document with Gary Stapleton’s signature on it. A laugh came out and I tossed it aside. That’s when the knock came at my door. It was Frank.
“Good morning, Frank.” I greeted, still smiling. Frank nodded and walked in, closed the door and sighed.
“First, how are you feeling?” he started softly and slowly.
“First? What is this, the number game? I’m good, have an appointment with a psychiatrist this afternoon.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear you are getting help.”
“Yes, yes I am. Did you need something? I thought there was a ‘second’?”
Frank sighed again and then pulled out some papers from his back pocket.
“Second, before you get too comfortable, it came to our attention that you don’t have a degree in law.”
I leaned forward on my desk with the most confused look on my face.
“You knew that when you hired me.”
“Well, HR is cracking down on us to have the proper documents for our employees.”
“Proper docu- wait, are you firing me?”
I stood up and walked over to face Frank.
“Kenny, we can’t afford any type of liability.”
“You mean to tell me that for the week I was off, you found someone to do my job and because I tried to commit suicide with a failed attempt obviously, you don’t want that ‘liability’ that I may do it again. Let me guess, Gary put this in your mind?”
“This has nothing to do with your job performance or Gary at all.”
“Really?” I blurted out, walking to my desk and holding up the document I found, “Then why was he in my office?”
Frank didn’t speak. He just walked to my desk and placed the papers down he was holding and took a pen from his chest pocket and placed it on top. I stared at the papers that read, ‘Termination of Employment’. Frank was saying something to me; some bull about it has nothing to do with my life. I just stared of the papers and got a glimpse of Gary slowly walking by my office. Anger rose in my blood and I completely stopped hearing Frank. Abruptly I took the pen, signed all the papers, picked up my bag and walked out the office. Margaret was on the phone when I stormed passed and she looked like someone just killed her dog. When I got on the elevator, I was alone. I had to go down a few floors, so I dropped my bag, hugged myself and cried.
“Good morning, Frank.” I greeted, still smiling. Frank nodded and walked in, closed the door and sighed.
“First, how are you feeling?” he started softly and slowly.
“First? What is this, the number game? I’m good, have an appointment with a psychiatrist this afternoon.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear you are getting help.”
“Yes, yes I am. Did you need something? I thought there was a ‘second’?”
Frank sighed again and then pulled out some papers from his back pocket.
“Second, before you get too comfortable, it came to our attention that you don’t have a degree in law.”
I leaned forward on my desk with the most confused look on my face.
“You knew that when you hired me.”
“Well, HR is cracking down on us to have the proper documents for our employees.”
“Proper docu- wait, are you firing me?”
I stood up and walked over to face Frank.
“Kenny, we can’t afford any type of liability.”
“You mean to tell me that for the week I was off, you found someone to do my job and because I tried to commit suicide with a failed attempt obviously, you don’t want that ‘liability’ that I may do it again. Let me guess, Gary put this in your mind?”
“This has nothing to do with your job performance or Gary at all.”
“Really?” I blurted out, walking to my desk and holding up the document I found, “Then why was he in my office?”
Frank didn’t speak. He just walked to my desk and placed the papers down he was holding and took a pen from his chest pocket and placed it on top. I stared at the papers that read, ‘Termination of Employment’. Frank was saying something to me; some bull about it has nothing to do with my life. I just stared of the papers and got a glimpse of Gary slowly walking by my office. Anger rose in my blood and I completely stopped hearing Frank. Abruptly I took the pen, signed all the papers, picked up my bag and walked out the office. Margaret was on the phone when I stormed passed and she looked like someone just killed her dog. When I got on the elevator, I was alone. I had to go down a few floors, so I dropped my bag, hugged myself and cried.
01 March 2010
17 February 2010
01 February 2010
2864 Miles
They wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away. They wonder why I dont call like a person is supposed to call. They wonder how on earth can someone who just packed up and moved, not keep in contact. Well, it seems that distance isnt enough when it comes to family. That if you don't follow the plan they laid out, nothing you do is good enough. Nothing you say will change their minds.
And they wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away.
I am the only person, on both my mother's side and father's that moved and didn't come back. I seem to be the only person that can survive without having 3 kids by several different men and counting on welfare and section 8 to get me a place. I seem to be the only person that didnt get a house handed to me cuz my mother moved. I seem to be the only one that marriage didnt take me from my parents house years and years after I graduated. I seem to be the only one with my own house in another state, going to school full time and STILL debt free. Still able to become a father soon and not care what they have to say about it.
And they wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away.
I am jewish, I am gay, I am in a relationship, I am a parent to be, I am a student, I am a free standing black man. Why don't I need to come back to Virginia to the family that thinks my life is messed up? Oh, well since the Tipton family here treats me like their own, why bother. Since the Hudson family in North Carolina can treat me as their own, why bother? Since Congregation B'nai Israel can treat me as their own, why bother? Since I have someone who loves me in Miami, why bother? I'm sorry that I worked my ass off to get where I am and didn't get my tutition paid by my parents. I'm sorry that I am the only man in my family that the Army didn't get. I'm sorry I finished high school and didn't stay in VA. I'm sorry that I didn't get a laptop for college from my folks when I was told they were broke. I'm sorry that my mother is a complete hypocrite and that she talks about me with my siblings behind my back. I'm sorry that my father is stuck in 1970 when lava lamps were the shit. I'm sorry that my cousin moved in with me, had money but didn't pay her share of the rent, in turn is why I kicked her out. I'm sorry that the church my mother attends is the reason she is like she is. I'm sorry that my sister has been in college for 5 months and thinks she is a professor on Judaism. I'm sorry my father told me to write an autobiography about "my screwed up life" and now this note is posted.
And they wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away.
And they wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away.
I am the only person, on both my mother's side and father's that moved and didn't come back. I seem to be the only person that can survive without having 3 kids by several different men and counting on welfare and section 8 to get me a place. I seem to be the only person that didnt get a house handed to me cuz my mother moved. I seem to be the only one that marriage didnt take me from my parents house years and years after I graduated. I seem to be the only one with my own house in another state, going to school full time and STILL debt free. Still able to become a father soon and not care what they have to say about it.
And they wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away.
I am jewish, I am gay, I am in a relationship, I am a parent to be, I am a student, I am a free standing black man. Why don't I need to come back to Virginia to the family that thinks my life is messed up? Oh, well since the Tipton family here treats me like their own, why bother. Since the Hudson family in North Carolina can treat me as their own, why bother? Since Congregation B'nai Israel can treat me as their own, why bother? Since I have someone who loves me in Miami, why bother? I'm sorry that I worked my ass off to get where I am and didn't get my tutition paid by my parents. I'm sorry that I am the only man in my family that the Army didn't get. I'm sorry I finished high school and didn't stay in VA. I'm sorry that I didn't get a laptop for college from my folks when I was told they were broke. I'm sorry that my mother is a complete hypocrite and that she talks about me with my siblings behind my back. I'm sorry that my father is stuck in 1970 when lava lamps were the shit. I'm sorry that my cousin moved in with me, had money but didn't pay her share of the rent, in turn is why I kicked her out. I'm sorry that the church my mother attends is the reason she is like she is. I'm sorry that my sister has been in college for 5 months and thinks she is a professor on Judaism. I'm sorry my father told me to write an autobiography about "my screwed up life" and now this note is posted.
And they wonder why I moved 2,864 miles away.
23 January 2010
Made 4 U (fka Unisex The Town) Epi5 Excerpt
When I had unlocked the door to the apartment I have in Downtown Oakland, I noticed all the lights were on; the kitchen light, the light above the stove, the living room light, all the lamps in the living room, and the bedroom light. I never made it to see if the bathroom light was on, because that’s when I began to hear movement. My feet scurried across the floor and a smile broke across my face when I knew it was my lover in the bedroom. He stopped me in my tracks by coming to the door with a blank look on his face. I saw that the bathroom light was on and four suitcases that had been packed and sat by the foot of the bed. William began to close the bedroom door and I began to wonder what was going on.
“You didn’t tell me you found a place.” I naively started.
“I didn’t,” he coldly responded and then moved me out the way to walk past and into the living room. I saw him grab movies that I know he had bought, walked back into the bedroom and put them in an open suitcase on the bed.
“They sending you on an assignment?”
William sighed and looked at me.
“No,”
“Talk to me please!”
He zipped up the fifth suitcase and slammed it on the ground by the others.
“Do you know what it felt like to see you lying in the bathtub half dead?”
My eyes were zoned in onto my feet and I walked unconsciously to the bed and slowly sat at the foot.
“Do you have ANY idea of what would have happened if I decided not to come home?” William’s voice grew louder and angrier. Without thinking I replied there was only one idea.
“This is no time to fucking joke,” he boomed, “Imagine me hanging from a ceiling fan with a belt around my neck.”
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“Well, you forced me to live and be a witness to that feeling. The pain and the horror that shot through my body is something nobody should ever feel. Ever!”
“And do you ever care why I tried to kill myself?”
“No, there is no excuse to ending-“
“I am HIV positive, William, H-I-V POSITIVE!” I stood up at this point, my eyes full of tears and at a yell.
“And, so what? People have syphilis, people have influenza, people have fucking virus’s every single day and they live with it. You are no special, Kenny!”
“Who, who in the hell do you know that lives with influenza? Exactly, you’re being completely stupid and insensitive to what I am dealing with right now.”
William picked up two of his suitcases and walked toward the front door as I followed.
“So, you’re leaving me cause I tried to kill myself? I need you to talk to me, please.” I heard the plea in my voice and him not answering. He just walked back past me into the bedroom and got two more suitcases. And I followed.
“William, don’t do this please. I…I need you to be here with me. I love you. Please, stop! Don’t give up on me!” I cried as he carried the last suitcase past me. He spun around and I saw anger in his eyes like I did that night.
“I gave up on you when you gave up on yourself.”
And everything after that was pretty much a blur.
“You didn’t tell me you found a place.” I naively started.
“I didn’t,” he coldly responded and then moved me out the way to walk past and into the living room. I saw him grab movies that I know he had bought, walked back into the bedroom and put them in an open suitcase on the bed.
“They sending you on an assignment?”
William sighed and looked at me.
“No,”
“Talk to me please!”
He zipped up the fifth suitcase and slammed it on the ground by the others.
“Do you know what it felt like to see you lying in the bathtub half dead?”
My eyes were zoned in onto my feet and I walked unconsciously to the bed and slowly sat at the foot.
“Do you have ANY idea of what would have happened if I decided not to come home?” William’s voice grew louder and angrier. Without thinking I replied there was only one idea.
“This is no time to fucking joke,” he boomed, “Imagine me hanging from a ceiling fan with a belt around my neck.”
“I can’t,” I whispered.
“Well, you forced me to live and be a witness to that feeling. The pain and the horror that shot through my body is something nobody should ever feel. Ever!”
“And do you ever care why I tried to kill myself?”
“No, there is no excuse to ending-“
“I am HIV positive, William, H-I-V POSITIVE!” I stood up at this point, my eyes full of tears and at a yell.
“And, so what? People have syphilis, people have influenza, people have fucking virus’s every single day and they live with it. You are no special, Kenny!”
“Who, who in the hell do you know that lives with influenza? Exactly, you’re being completely stupid and insensitive to what I am dealing with right now.”
William picked up two of his suitcases and walked toward the front door as I followed.
“So, you’re leaving me cause I tried to kill myself? I need you to talk to me, please.” I heard the plea in my voice and him not answering. He just walked back past me into the bedroom and got two more suitcases. And I followed.
“William, don’t do this please. I…I need you to be here with me. I love you. Please, stop! Don’t give up on me!” I cried as he carried the last suitcase past me. He spun around and I saw anger in his eyes like I did that night.
“I gave up on you when you gave up on yourself.”
And everything after that was pretty much a blur.
22 January 2010
Introduction to New Blogger
I'm new to the blogging world, my friend Jon (my best friend from my early childhood) asked me to blog for him and I am very excited about it. I'm currently a student @ North Carolina A&T state university at which im studying broadcast production. I have learned that bloggin is a key tool in the world of media is using all form because everything is converging. So over the course of my semester I while be opinion blogging about the projects I am doing as well as showing these projects for who ever would interested.19 January 2010
Give Me Away (Kaddish Yatom)
When I die give what's left of me away
to children and old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry,
cry for your brother walking the streets beside you.
And when you need me, put your arms around anyone
and give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you something,
something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known or loved,
and if you cannot give me away,
at least let me live in your eyes and not in your mind.
You can love me best by letting hands touch hands,
and by letting go of children that need to be free.
Love doesn't die, people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love,
give me away.
Dedicated to Katrina: You will be missed
to children and old men that wait to die.
And if you need to cry,
cry for your brother walking the streets beside you.
And when you need me, put your arms around anyone
and give them what you need to give me.
I want to leave you something,
something better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known or loved,
and if you cannot give me away,
at least let me live in your eyes and not in your mind.
You can love me best by letting hands touch hands,
and by letting go of children that need to be free.
Love doesn't die, people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love,
give me away.
Dedicated to Katrina: You will be missed
11 January 2010
Donnie McClurkin Gay Rant
How surprising was it that none other than the infamous Miss Donnie McClurkin gave a sermon on how being gay was the same as being a vampire? And how surprising was it that this said sermon was held at a Church of God in Christ convention? Not surprising? I didn't really think so. Since the COGIC business is ran by closeted and self hating queens, not to add homophobic heteros. It appalls me on how easily these words just flow from his mouth, just how much a black person who lives on Wisteria Lane can talk bad about a black person living in Florida Evan's apartment appalls me.
Donnie became famous (and more confused) when he went public to say that he was delivered from his homosexuality. Now, I won't talk about that, but I will say, being a person of the Christian faith, I will say that he is a liar. Jesus doesn't just take you from something and let's you swim in temptation, as Donnie has CLEARLY voiced he
goes through. When you are freed of a pain that is hitting you, whatever it may be to you, Jesus completely removes it...as much as you want it removed.
Conclusion; Donnie is still a homosexual that hates his life, mad at other gays who are doing well (that are out), and needs to feel better about himself by getting a group of people who feel the same way around him to keep love from entering. Sit the hell down and shut the hell up!
07 January 2010
New Editions to ASP Blog
This year is starting as a growing year, and we are proud to introduce our new blogger 'Sour Candy'. She gives you in your face mojo that will have you fanning yourself. Enjoy upcoming blogs from our new Miss Sour Candy.
The best of both worlds. Honesty and lies. Sympathetic and uncaring. "If you think I am one thing then I am the opposite too."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
