I Can Be

Maybe I'm just wrong for feelin the way I do
Thoughts indecent, want to put those down to you
I know you have a girl, I don't want to tie
When you're free one night just make those hours mine

I can be another person in your life
I can be the other reason you're out at night
I can be all the things you thought she might
I can be on the side
That would alright

Love just ain't my thang, but half of you might be
Enough for two or more, no her to me and me
Fine like expensive wine, drunk off one glass of you
I think that might be too much, so weekends for me are cool

I can be another person in your life
I can be the other reason you're out at night
I can be all the things you thought she might
I can be on the side

That would alright

Is Love Enough?

So dear hearts, I listened to you and will continue to give more advice blogs from now on. However, if you are apart of Facebook, join the group ‘A Solobeatz Production’ where there will be more advice topics posted there.

But today there is a topic I need some help on. I know a guy who lives on the west coast and the person he truly loves (Agape love), who feels the same way, lives on the east coast. They have been knowing each other for years and at the time of the first encounter neither one was ready for a relationship. They had to focus on self and grow mentally before commitment could even be apart of the picture.

Now, neither coincidentally or ironically where the two linked to each other at the same time on two different parts of the world. A call was made to one the same time the other crossed their mind. The reason these two haven’t gotten together again is not because of the 4,000 mile separation between the two, its because one is in the military and unable to just quit as you would a 9 to 5. Another catch is he is leaving next month for a 7 month deployment and after, there is no plans to continue anything on the east coast.

The will to be together is still there, but the opportunity seems to not be. Is there any advice we can give these two to keep the hope? Or should they just let go and move on?

Lake Tahoe Camping

This past weekend was not only fun, but it was an experience. Things I had never done before, I did. Like, hike up mountains, film my entire trip, and other things that will remain safe under the 5th amendment. I learned a lot about things that I had questions on and got a reminder that I CAN be happy all by myself.

The first night we got there, it was already dark and needless to say I was scared. I could’ve gotten attacked by bears or worse, drunken campers. Nevertheless, the first night we did have a visitation from the bears, and I don’t mean the sports team. The good thing about it, they didn’t come to our tent.

The 2nd day, we went down to the fresh water lake and I dipped in mainly cuz the bee’s were about to get cussed out from bothering me so much. I wanted to swim but quickly nixed the idea cuz I didn’t have on my swim gear, and I couldn’t go skinny dipping this time cuz too many families with children where around. Damn them. That night, I started my first camp fire all by myself and attempted to keep it lit.

The last day, we went hiking up Mount Tallic and HIKING it was. So many rocks and so many bushes, I thought I was gonna get poison ivy. About half way up, we rested. Laugh out loud. Once that journey ended, it was time to leave. I truly enjoyed my time and energy spent there.

Hopefully soon, we can do it again. Maybe next time, I won’t film everything. Aw, who am I kidding!

Good Cowboy/ Bad Cowboy

There was a father who had a son that was about 6 or 7 years old. And his son was reading his favorite cowboy book, and every so often the father would walk by the room and he asked,
"Son, what are you doing?"
"I am reading my favorite cowboy book dad."
"But, son, all I hear you saying over and over is 'you gon get it.' Why are you just repeating that over and over?"
The son replied, "Well, dad, what happened was the good cowboy was always getting beat up by the bad cowboy. It frightened me so I went to the end of the book to see how it ended." the son pointed to the book, "When I got to the last chapter I discovered that finally the good cowboy beats the bad cowboy."
And so he continued, "I went back where I had left off and every time the bad cowboy would hit the good cowboy, I would remind the good cowboy, 'You gon get it.'"

Addicted

It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time

It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this

Another Star

For you
There might be another star
But through my eyes the light of you it's all I see

For you
There might be another song
But all my heart can hear is your melody
So long ago my heart without demanding
Informed me that no other love could do
But listen did I not though understanding
Fell in love with one
Who would break my heart in two

For you
Love might bring a toast of wine
But which each sparkle know the best for you I pray
For you
Love might be for you to find
But I will celebrate our love of yestarday
So long ago my heart without demanding
Informed me that no other love could do
But listen did I not though understanding
Fell in love with one
Who would break my heart in two

For you
There might be another star
But through my eyes the light of you it's all I see

For you
There might be another song
But in my heart your melody will stay with me

Fabolous Weekend

So when I say I had the most wonderfulest weekend this weekend, that is by far an understatement. There is something about going through somethings, going through some depression, going through some hard times, and having people come to you and actually LIFT your spirits so high, it makes you want to shout (my church folk know what I mean). When so many people come together out of pure happiness and love, you cant help but feel a feeling of joy in your body.


For some reason on Friday, I got this sudden boast of confidence and felt that I was sexy and that it was all about me. Me and one of my good friends went to a party that night and I did something I had never done before. I greeted people that I didn't know and then I danced the night away BY MYSELF! Must have been the full moon. Afterwards, the guy I had a crush on was so attentive to me for once and I felt like, bitch I really don't need you, but damn it feels good to have you. That night I also met Maurice Jamal who is the most humble and funniest person I have ever met.


Saturday we went to the Black Gay Film Festival and I watched about 7 short films about lesbian women trying to lose weight, or gay men who overcome homophobia. The one that actually stuck out and had the crowd in awe was the one entitled "The Young and Evil." It was about a guy who didn't care anymore about life and did everything in his power to become affected with HIV. This was the only film by far that had people thinking, that's exactly what goes on in the life EVEN if its not intentional. Don't risk your life when you know the consequences. Afterwards, I met a new friend, Kenny G. and he was too hilarious and very kind. Later that night, me and my good friend went to a community night party called "Moonlight Under the Stars" and we met so many people that were in high places to help get our careers started.


Sunday, was the kicker. Not only was breakfast a hoot (our waiter gave us fever and it was sooo funny) but the end of the festival was the movie, soon to be show, called "Friends and Lovers." Created by Maurice Jamal ((Look for that on Logo this fall)).
O-M-G!
I love Noah's Arc and give it much respect, but this was too funny. They say that for each great thing, there is something greater. The universe works in mysterious ways and it was a good thing that Noah's Arc was cancelled because now we have a chance to support a black gay known FILM. And with Lover's and Friends actually replacing the Noah's Arc series, we have just overcame a lot of obstacles in Hollywood.

After the film, we went out to eat with the creator and his friends and if that wasn't the most entertaining, uplifting and enjoyable time, I don't know what was.

While we were talking, I began to realize that the situations in my life are so minute. If it is going to work out, then it will. If not, it was only meant for my good. It's one thing to say turn it over and not worry about it, but its in human nature to think. So instead of stopping there, I think God knows EXACTLY what he is doing. If we get in a relationship or if we don't, God knows exactly what he is doing. If we stop talking, he knows what he is doing. And at that dinner table last night, around the laughter, the joy, the happiness of all my old friends and my new ones, I know whole heartily that EVERYTHING truly happens for a reason. And that God knows what he is doing. That being said, look for a movie from me in next years Black Gay Film Festival.

I feel like shouting.

The Black Shell

I’m gonna go back into my black shell,
Into the void of darkness that covers the face of the deep,
Longing to hear the voice whisper, "Let there be light."
But there is no light.

I will cradle into my black shell,
Where the form of sound does not boom
Or the distress of sight does not focus.
My rusted stained walls of life.

I stretch out my black shell
And see the break of day
To know that I have a second chance
The joy of new breath that’s on the wind.

I dance in the newness of air
Into the canvas of eternal bliss
I begin to leave that void of hate and fear
And leave behind my black shell.

And leave behind my black shell.

The Love Below the Line

Love represents a range of emotions and experiences related to the senses of affection and sexual attraction. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction. This diversity of meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.

As an abstract concept love usually refers to a strong, ineffable feeling towards another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual. Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

For me there are 4 different kinds of love. Brotherly Love, Motherly Love, Agape Love, and Romantic Love. Brotherly love, as simple as it sounds, is self explanatory. It's the love you have for your best friends, your family, sometimes strangers, and et cetera et cetera. Motherly Love, is just that. The bond a mother (or a motherly figure) has for their children, biological or not. That special kind of care and worry that no other human can give. Agape Love is more technical. This love represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love. For the sake of argument, God's love. Very few humans can boast about sharing this kind of love. This is also the true meaning of "True Love". And lastly you have Romantic Love. Just like the others, it is what it says. Its that love at first site feeling, that first "I Love You" from your lover, that Cupid's arrow feeling on Valentine's day, sometimes even Puppy Love.

So which ever sense of Love you share, just know that it's the best type of feeling to have. When someone says that they love you, don't think they are attaching too fast. Just ask them why they feel like that. Love is the best. Share the love and be free. I love you.

Movie Review: The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight (2008):
Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart
Director: Christopher Nolan
Rated: PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and some menace
Critics Rating: A plus
View: Trailer

This movie was by far the BEST movie I have seen this year (even though I never got to see Sex and the City.) It was both entertaining and exciting the ENTIRE time. From the moment the WB symbol went off the screen till the credits rolled, you were kept in focus throughout what was going on. Very rare that a movie has done that in some time. But here are my thoughts:

To say that Christopher Nolan's THE DARK KNIGHT is the best comic book adaptation does the film a bit of a disservice. It may be a Batman film, but this isn't a kid-friendly action movie full of the bams and pows of the original series. This is a pitch-black thriller with enough drama and tragedy to please even William Shakespeare, but it will certainly keep both comics fans and uninitiated audiences equally happy.

THE DARK KNIGHT starts in the wake of BATMAN BEGINS: with the appearance of Batman (Christian Bale), Gotham City's criminal underworld is unnerved. They're also plagued by the new D.A., Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), who, in his quest for justice, remains above the city's corruption. Enter a new (or old?) villain, the Joker (Heath Ledger), who wants to unite the criminals for a common purpose: to kill Batman.

THE DARK KNIGHT is one of the most hyped movies to date, and a lesser film would be crushed under the weight of all that expectation. Some of the publicity stems from the early death of Ledger, who turns in an excellent (EXCELLENT!) performance (surpasses Brokeback, yes I said it, BROKEBACK!). He provides moments of humor, but this Joker is terrifying, sharing more with classic villains such as Hannibal Lechter than with his comic book predecessors.

Eckhart is equally good as Dent, and Maggie Gyllenhaal (wasn't her brother in Brokeback?) deserves praise for taking over the role of Rachel Dawes from Katie Holmes (I knew there was something different). Though there's more emphasis on plot and character development than in most comic book adaptations (*cough*, X-Men 1,2 and 3), that doesn't mean Nolan has skimped on any of the action sequences. Each set piece is done perfectly, leaving the audience breathless (understatement). THE DARK KNIGHT is film making at its best; its subject matter may be dark and depressing, but it's tough not to feel exhilarated by its artistry when the credits begin to roll. (Standing ovation on the first night.)

So in my mortal words dear hearts, GO SEE THIS MOVIE. It is worth how ever many times you wanna go see it. It is worth boosting it past Titanic (which bored the crap outta me until the end) and getting it nominated for an Oscar. So you go see it, and tell me how it is.

Why The Caged Bird Sings

Caged without a key
Everyone comes to stare at me
With so much joy and rivalry
They din't know how I feel inside
Through my smile I cry
They don't know what they're doin' to me
Keeping me from flyin'
That's why I say that
I know why the caged bird sings

Only joy comes from song
He's so rare and beautiful to others
Why not just set him free
So he can Fly, fly, fly
Spreadin his wings and her song
Let him Fly, fly fly
For the whole world to see

He's like caged bird
Fly, fly
Ooh just let him fly
Just let him fly
Just let him fly
Spread the wings
Spread the beauty